You know you've grown older when...

you flip the papers and see the secondary school seniors you've more or less lost touch with.

Still, it feels good to see Yiting's photo in the papers especially since I've no idea how she's been ever since Channel U (at least the Channel U that I preferred) ceased. And the best part was, there was MingRong's face in the papers too..

Familiar and comforting faces... A good way to start the day

Does bunch of positive feedback and one negative feedback make the class good?

Just came back from a torture camp. Ok, it wasn't that bad, with the friends I had/made. The night was fun when the bunch of us went out for a walk on our own, and when Derek and Guohui came to Mariah and my room to watch tv and chew on snacks. But no matter what, I just can't stand horrible trainers. And they are REALLY THAT bad..

And then, I checked my email just now, and some stupid asshole sent that reply to my manager. Oh... only your new staff gave a negative feedback. The rest gave the course 3 and above, so there wasn't anything wrong with the course. Fine! You can't be bothered to read my feedback, will you just go to hell?

I really really really do hate the place a lot... REALLY... and there's still 1768 more days to go. Can someone just kill me to end my misery? Better still, can there be some mishap in the building so that it's THEM who killed me?

What kind of friend are you?

Actually, the question I posed to Kum Fu in the wee hours of this morning was more of.. Am I a mean person? Other than the 'No la' he didn't type anything else even after I typed a longer continuation for that.

Frankly, I think he forgot the photograph incident when he answered my question. Either that, or he was way too busy with his work to really think before answering such mundane questions.

Yes, I admit I can be cold and distant, in fact, for people who know me better, I am extreme. Distant is just but a way of self-protection. Letting others know too much is so much akin to handing the other person a knife. When you least expect it, you'll realise the stab on your back.

Perhaps I'm just exaggerating. The feeling of wanting to wipe something off the memory is not that nice. Partitioning, segregating and erasing. The end result is a blank part in your own history. That's not something to be proud about, but it's something like a much needed operation. No one would want to undergo amputation, but amputation cuts short the infection and in the long run, it may be a necessary evil. Isn't it the same as a memory wipeout?

Maybe I just enjoy being harsh to myself huh?

Then again, this long overdue reformatting is necessary and will not be missed. Just as what the last incident demonstrated, the allegiance would not be on my side anyway.

Does that matter? In a way, the real me says 'yes'. But in the long run, 'no'.

In any case, I'm so glad my dearest friend is back in Singapore again!! Welcome back!!!! Ehz.. I really miss having you in Singapore, ok? No doubts about it!!! Just before I die of exhaustion, I'm so looking forward to our dinner appointment weeks down the road!!!

Sentosa training tomorrow. 2 days stuck with OTHER people. Sigh... No my favourite box of biscuits to stare at too.. Sigh (x2)..

Oh, I saw the email Vincent sent me whilst cc-ing it to the 2 general managers! Compliments for finding mistakes in the Acturial department's Maths calculation. =) This should be the second time CTS is seeing compliments about me! From 2 different managers/supervisors from 2 different departments! =)

Personal preference?

Left my place feeling trashy today. Thought the day would be so, but I couldn't have been more wrong.

Had an unexpected company on the train today. It's been like a million years since I've heard from Geng Sheng. And there he was, right at the door.

Was I close to him back when I did relief teaching? Actually, I don't think so. But somehow, the chanced encounter still managed to chased away the dark clouds when a lot of other things couldn't. Don't ask me why.. Cause I don't know? But.. it's just a very comfortable feeling.

Was almost dozing off at work today whilst looking through the documents. Then, I suddenly decided to check the equation they had on the document (which according to Vincent and Dharmendra, I didn't have to.. Or in Dharmendra's words, it's spoiling the market) Somehow, that made me super awake, the part when I was trying to substitute the values and trying to figure out what was wrong with the equation. Perhaps I really do prefer Maths a lot more to English huh?

Had dinner with Peiqi at some Korean restaurant in Chinatown. Blogger doesn't seem to want to let me upload the photos, so well... photos another day then..

Gosh.. I'm so tired! I wonder how Kum Fu can stand working till past this late so often..

On another note.. heard from Shujun who heard from someone else that Meisi's operation was a success! Yay!!!!!! Though we don't have much of an idea how she is. Mental note: Shall use my lunch to visit her next week. Hmm... and do I look like I've such bad memory? Else why should Peiyi be so surprised that I could actually recognise her and remember her name? She's one of the 3 people who was my classmate for all 6 years during primary school! And we were even in the same CCA for a year too! In fact, I rememebered that fact way before I realised that Shujun is another who was my classmate for 6 years.. Hmm....

Oh, and I pity Jeremy who still has to hear that I'm in a not-so-cheery mood, and never once did he questioned me the cause. Thanks for offering me your ears just in case I'm feeling down.. and letting me be the little girl for the time being even though I am supposed to be more of an older sister to you.

Happy Birthday, Guoxing!!!!!

Last year, I was 23 hours 59 minutes late. Or something like that.

This year, I'm not late.

Happy birthday, Guoxing! My dearest dearest grandfather!!!!!

Despite all the times since we've graduated from NJC that you've jumped to conclusions instead of listening (at least not totally) to the things that make me feel down, the things that bother me.. Despite irking me unknown number of times for that..

You're still one of the reasons why me ending up in NJC was a good twist of fate.

For without being forced by circumstances to be in NJC, I would not have made a friend who used to be emotional but was a good listener. A friend who gave me the first soft toy (actually not very soft.. I think) that I would bring every where around school. A friend who would let me bully him into calling him 'grandfather'. A friend whom I could write numerous letters to, at least back in JC. A friend who showed that Newton's third law could apply to friends cheering each other on. A friend who would complain about how he can never stand my habit of keeping unhappiness to myself, in a bid to make me open up. A friend who would cycle to school with 6kg worth of newspapers just because my class wanted to win some competition, even if we happened to disagree over something the night before. A friend who would go to the sand pit early in the morning to help me get some sand cause my class thought we needed it for our 5 stones making competition and I couldn't collect cause I would always be just on time for class. A friend who remembers what was said and would shower loads of concern, just like a grandfather would. A friend who nags so much that it'll be hard to imagine he's merely a few months older than me. A friend whose birthday sms could make me touched to tears on one of my hatest days of the year. A friend whose card, though filled with insults, could make me break into a smile despite a bad week. A friend who may not always be there when all is well, but will definitely go all the way out to be there when needed.

Yes, you're all that, and perhaps more. So, you know what? On this special day of yours, I just want to loudly exclaim on this blog:

HAPPY 24TH BIRTHDAY, GUOXING!!!

May you always be as happy as you are now, not to mention healthy too, yah, soon-to-be PE teacher?

And... thanks for being one of my most treasured friends (yes, even if I can't stand you at times =p )

Moody-for-the-umpteenth-time Yaofang

I hate changes, especially when you take something I like, change it without me knowing and expect me to be fine with it. The stubborn me will rather torture myself than accept, cause in case you don't know, I hate losing my comfort stuff.

Just like I don't understand why the hell I had to go look at some other website. You may think you are being perfectly nice, but no, you aren't. Then again, I don't have a right to tell you what to do, but from my point of view, it irks me. Like how I've described myself one paragraph earlier, when I say I'm dumping something, I mean it. Whatever you type just affects my mood, and heightens my pissability.

And then, I think trainings and I are highly incompatible. Especially when you ask a bunch of old assholes to lecture. One supposed retiree turned it into a show-off session and a history lesson. You said you are a retiree, so GO STAY AT HOME! What right do you have to hint that RI will get rights over everyone else? YOU STUPID OLD MAN HAVE NO RIGHT TO CRITICISE RAFFLESIANS! And then, the last session was another idiot asshole. What WITs training? The stupid HR personnel might as well call it a marriage counselling session... Oh, that's before his 'political commentary'. What 'emotional adultery is when you confide in someone from the opposite sex more than you do to your spouse' or 'marriage is not about looking at each other but looking ahead' or 'a good spouse is someone who can make a good parent, not just some love cause that's infatuation'. The best part was his irritating story, the moral of which I concluded was, it's wrong to lunch with the opposite sex. WHAT THE HELL DO THESE HAVE TO DO WITH WITS? You deserved to be complained against, so too bad, I complained to my manager who then complained to HR. I hate the company, especially the awful training they provide.

Then, my meeting with Vincent. Now I know what that dumb ass CC meant when she mentioned the 6 months review. WHAT?!? You congratulated me on me joining legal, but you FORGOT to tell me that it's a 6 months attachment to Legal, and if any other departments require me, you'll post me there. CC, may you trip over the stairs and lose your memory! This is not like the first time you are giving me crap.. 2 years to give me a bloody stupid reply. What 1-4-14 rule in the company? It doesn't apply to you is it? Can you just go to hell?

I'm sorry about the not-so-nice language. Just that after containing all these emotions in me for a day, I just had to let it out. Without ending up in tears.

But at least I had my 'table decoration' -- my Hei Bai Pei!! Just a look at it can make me smile and make things feel not THAT bad afterall. And I brought the mug from a person I do not really want to see around and left it on my table. In a way, that cup made me feel safe too. Perhaps even though it was a slipshod present, it was still a present from that mattered. Now what I lack is just 5R and 4R photoframes, and to colour photocopy my JC photos. Then I can surround myself in happier stuff. Call me super untrusting, but no way am I going to bring my comfort duck-ies and bear-y to work, cause I don't think they're safe in my office. (How else do you think I want to photocopy my photos instead of using the ones I have?)

Nespray, I wonder if you've seen the cybercard I've sent you. =(

Weiguang, thanks for the biscuits. I don't know how I'll get through the day without it. And.. I'm not eating it cause it's my comfort deco =)

You know you're happy when...

This photo would more or less summarise how I'm feeling right now.

Were the biscuits meant to be some sort of reassurance? I don't know. But you know what? In any case, I was still quite touched. You remembered!! THANK YOU, WEIGUANG!!

Feels like I haven't been THIS relaxed in a long while. Or rather, I haven't laughed as much in one evening in a long while. I truly truly enjoyed it, even though we were taking photos a lot more than anything else:

Didn't get any picture of Gary taking photos. What a waste. Still....

Actually, I haven't really seen Weiguang really smiling before. Not that he doesn't ever smile, but today's smile is just... a lot more natural...

So, if I really do have to really record my birthday wishes... It'll be that Mr Sunflower always smiles as brightly as the sunflower! =) [Seriously though, I really so don't like or rather feel weird about having my voice recorded.. ]

Missing you...

Does the Yaofang now smile more fakely and less sweetly than the past? When looking at my JC class photo just now, my mum commented that my smile was so much sweeter then.

Somehow, I seem to reflect alot at night. Had the sudden urge to colour print some of my JC photos and stick them up all around my table...

Thank you, Gek Koon!!!!

During my one hour stroll home today, I heard this song on the radio, and the first person I thought that fitted this description was you..

<<知己>>
喜欢你的脸　像天使那么动人
用微笑遮盖　心中所有泪痕
我看到你　孤单自己平衡　你让我心痛心疼

喜欢你的人　那么真那么诚恳
阳光的笑容　温暖受伤的人
勇敢的你　却独自抚平伤痕　
你给我友谊的真

感谢你　
聆听我的孤寂　陪我一同哭泣
让我不害怕　那落幕后的空虚
我的心　终於寻得知己疼惜

感谢你　
看出我的孤寂　让我放心哭泣
让我不害怕　那不被了解的苦
我的心　站在舞台为你跳舞

冷酷世界　虽然风雨从不停
但我拥有你　我的心再也不下雪

The bold part especially. Thank you. I feel so much better today after talking to you. Thanks for always being able to cheer me up, to side me even though I sound like a brat.

Thank you, Gek Koon!

Happy Birthday, my dearest little sister!

Shan't sing the 'cute' birthday song I recorded for you last year.. but still,

Happy birthday my little piggy sister!!! =)

Hope you like your present and birthday cake! =)

A break for a day!

It's been a long time since I've actually had the opportunity of not working at all for the entire day. The feeling of lazing in bed, or going with mum to the supermarket, reading the papers in the afternoon is bliss when you've not had the chance to do that in a long time.

On my way to the train station yesterday, I bumped into 2 JC students. They were from 2 different JCs and it just reminded me of someone. Then at the supermarket today, I heard a song that reminded me of you too, simply cause those lyrics appeared in one of the letters you wrote during the run up to A levels.

I almost smsed to ask how you've been, whether you've started on your IA. Of course I didn't. As I've said before, you are no longer my friend, yah? And it's not very difficult to find out about you without asking, cause all I have to do is to glance at your 'infoboard' online. Not that I look at it often nowadays though.. but you know what?

I still get pissed looking at it.

I can see everything is back to normal for you, everything is nice and happy already right? Or perhaps everything that you've complained off was just pure exaggeration, not really lies, but not totally true either. So now that things become fine for you, you no longer need the person who's nice to use when you're down isn't it? When I compare you with another secondary classmate of yours, I would say that even if he has changed a lot, when the need arises, he's still a true friend. Then again, it's unfair to compare the two of you, cause ever since we stopped being uniformed-students, I've learnt that you are not, and can never be a real friend, or, a friend in need.

I really really detest you.. and if I've a choice, I really don't mind deleting a certain part of my memory. Really. Even if your friend reads this and tells you about it, and knowing you, you'll probably be pissed, it's really no longer my problem. Cause I really do want to wipe out my memory.

Happy Birthday, Weiguang!

Somehow, I'm just dead sleepy so I'm not really going to blog about my day. Still, that doesn't mean I can't muster any energy to type the three most important word for today, especially since I didn't get to see the birthday boy in the end...

Happy Birthday, Weiguang!!

Actually, it feels weird calling you that.. I think I'm already too used to calling you Mr Tan, idiot (my endearing term.. haha), Mr Randall etcetc...

In any case, did you realise it's the 4th year I didn't get to see you for your birthday? And the dunno how many times you can't make it at the last minute? Actually, it doesn't really matter. The main point of the dinner was just to let you know that you (and your birthday) matters.. and since you are troublesome with your company... (I know, you prefer adorable gals for company, right? haha... though I can't describe Gary as that.. huh, Gary?? Haha)

Heard a song that had quite nice lyrics. In a way, it did remind me of you... and a few others.. So since I can't exactly dedicate this song... Err.. can I just dedicate the lyrics? (Though some parts are totally inapplicable lah...)

Am I blabbering rubbish? In any case, Happy Birthday, yah?

* * * * * *

一个像夏天一个像秋天
词: 姚若龙

第一次见面看你不太顺眼

谁知道后来关系那么密切

我们一个像夏天一个像秋天

却总能把冬天变成了春天

你拖我离开一场爱的风雪

我背你逃出一次梦的断裂

遇见一个人然后生命全改变

原来不是恋爱才有的情节

如果不是你我不会相信

朋友比情人还死心塌地

就算我忙恋爱把你冻结冰

你也不会恨我只是骂我几句

如果不是你我不会确定

朋友比情人更懂得倾听

我的弦外之音

我的有口无心

我离不开Darling更离不开你

你了解我所有得意的东西

才常泼我冷水怕我忘形

你知道我所有丢脸的事情

却为我的美好形象保密

* * * * * *

This lyrics remind me of 2 others... One of whom is somewhere in another country. Still so long before August gets near, and I miss having you in Singapore already! =(

On another note, someone told me he tendered his resignation about 6 weeks ago? At that time, he said he didn't want to work through the 2 months notice. Since then, I haven't really seen him online... If you do read this, at least let me know how you are now, k? In any case, you still owe me a meet up for lunch! =)

What the hell?

Which other bloody organisations have some head sending this? Just makes me hate you even more.

In case you're wondering, here's the email I received:

The Community Chest of Singapore was set up to raise funds for needy charities in Singapore. We support the SHARE program of the Community Chest. I wish to encourage all employees to participate in this program. Your contribution will bematched dollar by dollar by NI. I understand that you are currently a non-contributor. I encourage you to support this worthy cause, by contributing a modest sum of $3 amonth, or more.

And it was cc-ed to my ex-manager. Ex, cause I'm no longer in that department with effect from Monday. But, that ex-manager had to email me asking me if I have the form, and cc-ed it to my current manager.

If you want me to donate, you jolly well let me choose. The more you force me, the more I can't be bothered. And I so hate you! Yes, let me repeat on this bright Saturday afternoon.

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Service Evaluation..

After 3 days of running around Singapore (ok, maybe just 9 different places in Singapore) I'm actually feeling tired, even though work was relatively slack. Rather, let's put it this way:

I LOVE doing service evaluation!

Firstly, I get to move around instead of staying in the office. And then, there's no need to vie for a seat in the office, or get relegated to working from the pantry, or even getting pissed with those stupid people. Finally, there's also time to do things that I'll normally not get to do. Like meeting up with people.

First, it was Tee Meng. Was supposed to meet him for lunch last week, but then, there was Mr Yeo's birthday celebration cum department lunch. So, since there was time this week, I decided to meet up and have a teeny weeny bit more luxurious lunch, before I join Legal next week:

The irritating guy had to comment about how I seemed to be killing my food, and then take a photo of it.

Frankly, the lamb chop already had loads of sauce, so it wasn't my fault!

And then, the next day was highlighted by my much anticipated lunch with Gek Koon, since I was travelling to Yishun and Woodlands! THAT was a luxurious (given that it's during office hours!) lunch.. and I really doubt it'll happen ever again when I start on real work proper. Oh well...

Gek Koon refusing to let me take his photo during lunch

Finally giving up on avoiding my camera

Before I forget, I've gotten myself a new phone last week, after my Samsung one refused to cooperate for the umpteenth time. Shall fix that when the next pay comes up. For now, my poor friends have to bear with my photo-taking. That obviously includes the two "little kids" whom I enjoy being with most in servicing:

Jeremy.. He so doesn't look like he's 19 going on 20, right?

Shijun, the little kid, otherwise known as Yijun's brother, being forced to act cute. He too doesn't look any bit like he's 21 huh?

By the way, these photos are taken at the place where I normally do my work when I get displaced from any table. In fact, Jeremy is actually seated at THAT computer terminal.

Next week to Legal. I wonder what's install for me. Shall keep my fingers crossed.

In the meantime, I really hope Meisi's third operation will be a smooth one and she'll be on the road to recovery in no time!

Until I talk to you...

Do not talk to me, cause I may not really want to talk to you. I haven't figured out who's my friend and who's not.

Just as.. when I say I want to return something to you, it doesn't mean that I want to meet you again. It's just that I need to return something and I do not want to owe people something for way too long, even if you say I don't have to. Frankly, unless I have to be somewhere near your place, I really do not want to see you at all.

Grace asked if I'm alright. Frankly, no. Just that I don't have the habit of typing 'Yes' when asked. After being absolutely furious at work yesterday (I hate ALL Rainbow section staff) I'm now in anger stage 2, that is, absolutely no feeling. Or rather, cannot be bothered to feel.

Someone once sent me an sms when I was really really down.. He said something to the point that if I really want to practice someday, I can always break the bond and there's no point feeling frustrated. Somehow, when I was clearing my sms inbox (I normally don't.. until the phone memory is full..) I saw that and felt a teeny weeny bit better. Thanks ar..

I really do not need anyone to tell me that feeling unhappy is not right. I just want some form of comfort. But interestingly, different people have different ways of comforting, yet, I'll only accept some, even if they're basically saying the same thing. Biased me huh?

Happy 25th Birthday, Ian!

In the end, I still didn't manage to find my autograph book. No autograph book means no address. That effectively also means there's no way I can send my birthday greetings, since that's the only mode of contact I have too.

Whatever it is.. and wherever you are, since I've no way of sending you this, I'll just type it here:

Happy 25th birthday, the senior I look up to most!

Theoretically, you can't exactly count as a senior either. But yet, in my 2 years of JC, you're probably the senior who left the greatest impact. I still have that note you wrote and whenever I feel like shying away even though circumstances say that I shouldn't, I'll remind myself of that note and feel a tiny bit less scared. Just like how your optimism is infectious. Jut like last year, the day before I was to start pupillage at some place, I turned cold and ended up emailing you to get some comfort. I didn't expect you to reply, but you did. And it soothe my nerves, even if I left that firm within a few weeks.

Ian, thanks for making that effort to be a really really great senior, even though you didn't have to. Especially since you weren't from my senior class, nor my CCA, and even if it's just being a senior in school, that was merely for a month only. Seriously, all these years, I just want to say a huge THANK YOU personally, though I'll probably still be too shy to say that.

And of course, Happy Birthday, Ian!

How much do you mean to me?

That thought crossed my mind sometime last week. Basically, a lot of things have happened over the past few days. Or maybe, there weren't that many things, just that, one significant one simply magnified everything, making every thing else pale in comparison.

Meisi has been warded at Tan Tock Seng Hospital.

When I first received that sms from an unrecognised number (it belongs to Yueting, but I didn't have her number before that), I thought it was just some evil prank. Meisi? Can't be. And of course, it could also be because I didn't want to believe anyway. Still, I called back and the truth came crashing down.

Numb. That was the first feeling. Especially when I was doing a summary on wills and probate the entire afternoon. Not a very auspicious way to receive such news. But, that was the first time I've ever felt as if I've been rooted somewhere. Smsed Jo, Guoxing, June. But the feeling still didn't feel real. That feeling is best summed by what zipped through my mind. Not Meisi. No... I don't want to lose MY friend, a friend who grew up with me, who went through the same primary, secondary, JC and in a way uni with me. When Guoxing and I were in here room, that lump just formed in my throat. You know what? Still remember the dinner we had, when you reminded me to tell you my blog address when I see you online? I haven't had the chance to yet!

Thankfully, her condition has improved now and according to her mum, she might be undergoing her operation this Thursday. Just keeping my fingers crossed that there'll be no residue effect. Meisi, you'll be fine! I know you will!

On another note, I was quite pissed with Jo. She knew Meisi was hospitalised, visited her on Thursday, notified her friends but forgot to tell me. Why? Cause I'm not Meisi's friend? Or not amongst those whom she calls immediately?

Then again, it really doesn't matter. Had Guoxing there that day and frankly, I would say that Guoxing makes a better friend than Jo. Was standing between the two of them and when I felt faint, I actually felt safer telling Guoxing than Jo. That was also the day when the two of us really chatted. Seriously, it's been so many years since we've really done that. Just like what I've said that day, even though I would prefer the old Guoxing as my friend, I do prefer seeing the current more cheerful Guoxing. Contradictory but true. And you'll still remain one of my most treasured friends, even if it's many many years down the road. Even if you always complain that I don't tell you everything, but you're one of those I still enjoy chatting with. Real chat, and not those sound-creating sessions where both just talk and talk about nothing. Don't always jump into conclusions!

You know how different friends mean to you when you are cheered up even by a no-meaning sms. It's nice to see an sms from Itak da ge, especially after a day of hating the whole world of stupid people.

Was just wondering aloud earlier about whether stupidity can be diffused through air. Somehow I think my brain is degenerating. Perhaps I'm getting snobbish, but I just can't stand how certain people think and you know the feeling of you wanting to just give certain people a tight slap? I think a lot of people really need the tight slap.

Thanks to some of those irritating pests, I decided to see Salbiah, as she had told me last week. Going in to see her meant that I'll be posted to branches and next week being the last week of me being in Servicing, it's highly likely that it'll be these few days. True enough, I'll be going to Hougang branch on Monday and Tues, and then Tampines on Wed and Thurs. In a way, there's a part of me that doesn't want to go to these branches. Maybe cause it's Jeremy's last three days of work, and my last few chances of having lunch with my lunch buddy for the past almost one month. Wonder how I would have survived here without him to talk to, 'argue' with etc. Seriously, the snobbish me would have felt utterly miserable, I'm sure. But thanks to him, the not-appealing workplace seems so much better. In fact, I'll miss having him around come July. And I'm still feeling scared about going up to Legal, somewhat cause I'm just not confident. If only he temps till end July, then at least I've someone to whine to whilst I'm settling in. Oh well, I'm beginning to sound like the kid and not the other way round huh?

Universal Language

There are just certain topics which bind people together.

Soccer, for one. As I was walking back today, I noticed the coffeeshop downstairs was packed. If my memory doesn't fail me, the last time it was more packed than this was during elections, after the WP rally in Hougang to be exact.

And there's always babies/toddlers that unite people. Somehow, it seems like people just cannot resist the 'cuteness' of kids. Whilst on the train yesterday, I once again saw two families of strangers talking to each other only because this toddler started running to the other family.

Then again, not all kids are cute. Just like the bunch of noisy primary school kids on the train last Friday. They were shrieking at the top of their voices. The best part was, there (presumably) lousy teachers didn't even bat an eyelid. Hello?!? Can't your school afford some school bus so as to contain the noise pollution. Those high pitch screamings are just way too much for people knocking off after a tired day of work, k? And the running arounds.....

******

A good friend once commented that I don't know how to keep my friends. I can't remember whether I was irritated when I read that then, but I guess I did agree then and there.

So many years have passed. Somehow, I don't think I've gotten rid of that bad habit either. Just look at how my mum comments about me having "friends of the month" or something to that extent.

Perhaps it's just something that I've learnt from childhood, that is, to hide myself from everyone. So much so that if a person steps pass my line of comfort, I automatically back off. Either that, or I just don't have a habit of being close to anyone, just so that no one really knows me well enough.

Oh, and there's the last category. Those who have made me unhappy.

Am I that hard to please? Hmm... Then again, little things do make me happy too. Just like a certain one line on MSN from a schoolmate cum CCA-mate whom I'm not even super close to:

"hmm okie.. just don't let whatever is affecting you to affect you too much k? :)"

The guy who typed that, thank you!! Stupid as it sounds, that concern just made my day =)

Kick Off!!

World Cup kicked off last night. Now that I'm counting, this is the 4th World Cup that I'm aware of, the first being when I was a Primary 6 kid. Time flies huh? And it just shows how much more gimmicky the whole thing has become. Only so few matches would be shown on free-to-air TV. Idiots.

Been a few days since I've updated. I'm beginning to agree that sometimes life is just so much the same that you just not know what to type. The other reason could be there's nothing much to whine, so the need to type and vent is not great and so, I tend to procrastinate.

Work wise, it's still the same. I guess I just focus on providing decent customer service when I'm working and so, I don't really think about any other 'if only's. That is, when there are no events that arise to make me remember all the 'what if's. Of course, there are still a few on and off. When someone left only the cover page of Writ and I had to bring it up to Claims the next day. That stupid lady at the reception there had to complain and complain about how they can't do anything with the writ. And I was like, but you have the other party's law firm, the case number, the parties involved, we can just appoint the law firm and they can follow up from there. It's not like a writ contains that much detail in the first place. Yet, she yakked and yakked on and on, till I just wanted to give her a tight slap. Or that day when I had dinner with Weiling and she was talking about her experiences in chambers, her running into Vicky etc. Thankfully though, I'm no longer in the phrase where I miss pupillage everytime someone brings a writ and asks for directions.

I guess I'm way better than the girl I was in JC, but I guess it still takes a while for me to leave the envious stage. Or would I?

Had training yesterday and I absolutely abhor trainings, cause they simply irritate me. I hate people acting over enthusiastic about the company. As in, I can understand if one is raring to go in a new environment. But if you do go overboard, it feels all so fake!

And that stupid Sebastian. Can someone tell him the meaning of 'empty vessels make the most noise'? He irritates me to the core. Think you are very smart, go to the front of the classroom and then turn around and tell me at the top of your voice to stop using MSN? Shut up your stupid mouth! I'm not as dumb as you to not know how to use the net, or know that when the computer is slow, you should stop clicking and clicking non-stop since it does nothing but further slows down the computer. And why the hell would I know why the lawyer take the money and run away? I'm not him and I'm not a psychic. Like I've said on my MSN nick, I hate stupid guys especially when they talk a bit way too much for my liking. After all my cold replies, he still had no brain (oops, I mean no folds in his brain since everyone has brains, just that the number of folds determine your level of intellect) to understand that I didn't want to talk to him. And he blabbers and blabbers noise.

Ok, just like what I had on my nick, I'm just an obnoxious girl. But, I guess I'm just irritable cause I'm still not in the open up mode yet.

That aside, training was not too bad, given that I had motivation to finish all my modules asap (though I was still not fast enough) just so that I could drop by Arul Chew & Partners! Everyone still feels the same, Annie, Raji, Mr Arul, Mr Ling and Adrian! Mr Arul came out to chat and I sat down in Mr Ling's room for a chat too. Everything just feels so familiar and so nice. I wish I was still the year 3 undergrad doing attachment there. Somehow, even though I was super happy to see Adrian, it just feels as if we didn't really have much to talk about. Still, the visit really made my day! Even though I saw Aravind there too. Oh well, who cares. I really really miss being an attachee.. Just like I miss doing my attachment at Yeo Marini & Partners too. Even if I don't mention it at all. I really really miss being immersed in these law firms, doing anything.

I guess what makes me different from the 16+ year old me is that, this time round, I know that there are other things around to be thankful of, even if something doesn't go the way I want it to be. In fact, in life, you gain some and you lose some. Even at work, I may not be doing what I want to do, but at least, I'm happy in the environment, with some of the friends I had already known beforehand, and a new friend that I've made. And, certain friendships are still way precious than anything else.

Just like the dinner I had earlier this week and today. The food today was great, just as I enjoyed dining with my dinner company as much. Somehow though, we really didn't talk much right? And yes yes... I was late. It's just interesting how the same things can evoke different feelings and thoughts.

Oh, you know and the earrings, they remind me so much of Guoxing too. The two of you are the only ones who bought me non-clip-on earrings!! Still, they're pretty!!!!! Thank you!!!! =)

I so do NOT look like a Malay!

Argh... Do I look so not Chinese? Somehow quite a handful of customers came in, and started speaking to me in Malay. Otherwise, they ignored me and turned to Jeremy instead when they wanted to speak Mandarin. The best part? After serving one relatively elderly couple, the guy commented that my pronounciation was good, and asked where I learnt it from. I went like, but I AM A CHINESE! and pointed to my dog-tag.. oops.. I mean name-tag. They just went like, "Oh.. sorry.. but you look like a Malay!" Argh..... That's the reason why Nithi almost died of laughter today, and Jeremy had his chance to suan me a little bit. Grr...

Work was still enjoyable of course. And in order to wait for a certain Mr Chan for dinner, I actually worked till 6.45 or somewhere thereabout! So you see, I can still like what I do huh?

Someone is asking me if it's possible to sustain passion without sufficient reward. My view? No. Unless the passion is superbly strong of course.

Dinner with Gary was of course not bad! Though the food wasn't as great as I imagined, given how much Gary wanted to dine there. Still, it's not too bad, thought the dessert made me a bit high, and poor Gary had to tolerate my disgusting antics later. =)

Another lawyer seemingly ran away with client's money. Don't know why, when I saw PJ on the news, there was just a sense of comfort and familarity...