Turning Back Time
Wasn't kidding when I sms-ed that as my wish when the DJ asked listeners to call in with their wishes..
When young, time seemed to pass slowly, especially during the holidays, so much so that I'll even end up dreaming about school. Yet now, time seemed to slip away from my hands and only when it's out of my reach do i attempt to grasp it to no avail..
If I were to turn back time, what would I change?
Primary School Life: Would I want to work harder and be less of a die-hard fan of our Lions in the M'sia Cup? Probably if I had worked even harder, I might have gotten higher grades.. Then again, probably not. In any case, I'll never trade my beautiful memories for better grades. Remember the goal that Man Hon scored against Kedah, that I didn't get to see? Or Steven Tan's superb goal that allowed us to beat Pahang at the very last moment? The time when Tong Hai marked John Hunter perfectly, and John Hunter broke down after losing the match? Or that Brunei's goalkeeper, Ian Gray's rice bowl hair-style? With approximately 2 matches per week, there was always something to look forward to..
Of course, how could I ever forget our name calling? With Miss Wong out of the class for a moment, leaving us to do our umpteenth test, across the class conversations like "Ehz, Saswa, how to do question 19?" Or the mere mention of the number 15 or 8 would make Winnie and I turn to each other instinctively.. Or even better still, Mdm Kok standing outside Miss Wong's class, saying "tong xue men, xie zhuo wen shi qing bu yao yong ou xiang de ming zi, ru guo fu cheng, lin dong hai.. " And who could forget Winnie shouting over the fence "Hello Tong Hai!"
Nope, I'll never want to change that...
Secondary School Life: Perhaps if I really needed to change, it'll definitely start with my secondary school life. For one thing, I would have been more conscientious about my work, I guess.. Without proper foundation, the whole of sec sch plus jc studying life was tough..
Friends wise, I would learn to treasure them too.. Realised that Yanxiang and I stopped keeping in contact by the time we got to sec 2.. and it was only in sec 4 when she had an accident that I saw her again.. and by then, we were really very much like strangers.. Perhaps we weren't really that that close in primary school too.. Insensitive me never realise that many of the stuff that Yanxiang did seemed to be accomodating me.. Her interest in soccer in pri 6 was mainly due to me too.. Still remember once I forgot to do Mdm Kok's homework, and was totally freaked out.. Yanxiang offerred me her hw during Miss Wong's class, and kept helping me keep a look out.. Yanxiang, even though we aren't that good friends anymore, I'm really really thankful to have had you as my closest friend in class, allowing us to call you "Man Hon", showing an interest in whatever I was interested in, and basically giving in to me.. Thank you for being a really great friend.. really.. and I really do miss the times when we had so much to say...
1st 3 months life: On hindsight, would I have chosen RJC again if I knew I would end up in NJC later on and suffer much heartbreak due to the uprooting? Perhaps if I had gone to NJ right at the beginning, I would have continued to be a happy person, who would not be soo depressed and give up on herself, which led to my dismal grades throughout the 2 years..
BUT, the only thing I would have chosen to do if I could turn back time is to not forcibly block out the entire 3 months worth of memory.. Come to think of it, those were beautiful times too.. and my forced forgettery only served to leave a huge vacuum in my life now (yes.. interestingly, I really can't remember 95% of the things that happened already.. )
Yet, if I had not gone to RJ, I wouldn't have known all the interesting personalities there.. Derrick, HRM, IL, Lijia.. My closest friend throughout the entire jc life, and the person i trusted most then, was from RJ... Without that friend's neverending encouragement, I won't have reached where I am today.. Thanks for your various treats in order to entice me to do better.. and the letter-writings during A levels.. You know, when you didn't do that well, and felt upset that you couldn't get into the faculty that you wanted to go to, I felt upset and totally guilty too.. If only i hadn't bother you during the exams.. if only my 'good luck' had worked as well as yours did.. Perhaps if I could turn back time, and had magically powers, I would have gladly exchanged my 'A's for your 'B's.. in that way, you would be able to get into med fac, and fulfilled your childhood dream, right? perhaps you would have become a more confident you, instead of the doubtful you that you are now.. Perhaps I would not have felt totally hurt at the words you uttered that showed clearly your discontentment at me being in this fac now.. Perhaps I would then not have doubted whether you were truly a friend, since someone else told me that a friend would NEVER want his/her friend to do worse.. Perhaps it's cause of all the things that have transpired, that I really truly want to know if i was a good friend to you, or merely another person who's lousy grades boost your ego, and one whom you'll feel less inferior to..
Wasn't kidding when I sms-ed that as my wish when the DJ asked listeners to call in with their wishes..
When young, time seemed to pass slowly, especially during the holidays, so much so that I'll even end up dreaming about school. Yet now, time seemed to slip away from my hands and only when it's out of my reach do i attempt to grasp it to no avail..
If I were to turn back time, what would I change?
Primary School Life: Would I want to work harder and be less of a die-hard fan of our Lions in the M'sia Cup? Probably if I had worked even harder, I might have gotten higher grades.. Then again, probably not. In any case, I'll never trade my beautiful memories for better grades. Remember the goal that Man Hon scored against Kedah, that I didn't get to see? Or Steven Tan's superb goal that allowed us to beat Pahang at the very last moment? The time when Tong Hai marked John Hunter perfectly, and John Hunter broke down after losing the match? Or that Brunei's goalkeeper, Ian Gray's rice bowl hair-style? With approximately 2 matches per week, there was always something to look forward to..
Of course, how could I ever forget our name calling? With Miss Wong out of the class for a moment, leaving us to do our umpteenth test, across the class conversations like "Ehz, Saswa, how to do question 19?" Or the mere mention of the number 15 or 8 would make Winnie and I turn to each other instinctively.. Or even better still, Mdm Kok standing outside Miss Wong's class, saying "tong xue men, xie zhuo wen shi qing bu yao yong ou xiang de ming zi, ru guo fu cheng, lin dong hai.. " And who could forget Winnie shouting over the fence "Hello Tong Hai!"
Nope, I'll never want to change that...
Secondary School Life: Perhaps if I really needed to change, it'll definitely start with my secondary school life. For one thing, I would have been more conscientious about my work, I guess.. Without proper foundation, the whole of sec sch plus jc studying life was tough..
Friends wise, I would learn to treasure them too.. Realised that Yanxiang and I stopped keeping in contact by the time we got to sec 2.. and it was only in sec 4 when she had an accident that I saw her again.. and by then, we were really very much like strangers.. Perhaps we weren't really that that close in primary school too.. Insensitive me never realise that many of the stuff that Yanxiang did seemed to be accomodating me.. Her interest in soccer in pri 6 was mainly due to me too.. Still remember once I forgot to do Mdm Kok's homework, and was totally freaked out.. Yanxiang offerred me her hw during Miss Wong's class, and kept helping me keep a look out.. Yanxiang, even though we aren't that good friends anymore, I'm really really thankful to have had you as my closest friend in class, allowing us to call you "Man Hon", showing an interest in whatever I was interested in, and basically giving in to me.. Thank you for being a really great friend.. really.. and I really do miss the times when we had so much to say...
1st 3 months life: On hindsight, would I have chosen RJC again if I knew I would end up in NJC later on and suffer much heartbreak due to the uprooting? Perhaps if I had gone to NJ right at the beginning, I would have continued to be a happy person, who would not be soo depressed and give up on herself, which led to my dismal grades throughout the 2 years..
BUT, the only thing I would have chosen to do if I could turn back time is to not forcibly block out the entire 3 months worth of memory.. Come to think of it, those were beautiful times too.. and my forced forgettery only served to leave a huge vacuum in my life now (yes.. interestingly, I really can't remember 95% of the things that happened already.. )
Yet, if I had not gone to RJ, I wouldn't have known all the interesting personalities there.. Derrick, HRM, IL, Lijia.. My closest friend throughout the entire jc life, and the person i trusted most then, was from RJ... Without that friend's neverending encouragement, I won't have reached where I am today.. Thanks for your various treats in order to entice me to do better.. and the letter-writings during A levels.. You know, when you didn't do that well, and felt upset that you couldn't get into the faculty that you wanted to go to, I felt upset and totally guilty too.. If only i hadn't bother you during the exams.. if only my 'good luck' had worked as well as yours did.. Perhaps if I could turn back time, and had magically powers, I would have gladly exchanged my 'A's for your 'B's.. in that way, you would be able to get into med fac, and fulfilled your childhood dream, right? perhaps you would have become a more confident you, instead of the doubtful you that you are now.. Perhaps I would not have felt totally hurt at the words you uttered that showed clearly your discontentment at me being in this fac now.. Perhaps I would then not have doubted whether you were truly a friend, since someone else told me that a friend would NEVER want his/her friend to do worse.. Perhaps it's cause of all the things that have transpired, that I really truly want to know if i was a good friend to you, or merely another person who's lousy grades boost your ego, and one whom you'll feel less inferior to..
