Volunteer with an agenda?

Received a horrifyingly hilarious phone call this afternoon. Essentially, the caller was trying to find someone to do pro bono work with so that parties could cross refer clients.

Volunteer and then try to get these people to pay you for work? I thought it is disgusting enough that people in jc volunteer for the sake of the community service hours and cannot be bothered to put their hearts into what they are doing. An adult doing the same for the sole selfish reason of gaining clientele? That sounds not any better. Especially when you were trying to convince others that it's no big deal cause other [insert race] lawyers are doing it to. That's even more disgusting.

Like I said, I think it's against the rule. And even if it isn't, it's against my principles. Volunteering should be done only if you truly mean it, not when you have some other hidden agenda. Otherwise, I can tell you I truly despise you.

That, is at least something that I'm sure of, and you can rest assure that I'm proud of my stand, even if it sounds prudish to you.

This shall be the last time....

I'll allow myself to contribute to the reservoirs because of you.

Come to think of it, you're the only friend who has made me tear-ed up more than once and still survive through the usual yellow cards that I love dishing out to people. Why? Because you were one of those who helped me survive through JC? Because I'm grateful for the times when you were always there to cheer me on, make me smile? I don't know. But what I do know is, for all these reasons, you ended up having been one of those friends who really mattered a lot...

Still remembered the first time I ended up tear-ing, it was just before you entered uni and had just received your latest posting results. Instead of letting me show concern, you effectively pushed my concern away with your "good what, you're in law school" and your "law student" snide remarks, as though being a law student was some terrible fault of mine, making me not worthy to be your friend. I've heard those snide remarks before, from some primary school schoolmates when I was in RGS, but that didn't hurt as badly, cause they were not my friends. But from you? I've always wanted to know, but I know I'll never get the answer from you... Am I that not worth it as a friend? You've even made it very clear, whether on purpose or not, in one of your latest blog entries when you said you met up with ALL your friends, after cancelling the word "most". Yeah, I'm not your friend, that's why you didn't have time to meet up for dinner at all after agreeing to it. Why? Cause there were more important people whom you had to meet on a daily basis. Call me petty, jealous if you want, but yes, it showed how unimportant an acquaintance I am, and yes, it hurts.

Frankly, after the 1st incident, I should have known better and struck you off my important friends list. You remarked once in jc that we've not had any storms in our friendship and we should create one to make it more interesting? Congrats, you managed to do so not long after that. Why? Do grades really matter that much? Must I really be dumb-er in terms of grades in order to be a friend?

But like what I kept telling my other friends, I'm idiotically useless. Despite all that, I was still reminded of a dream I had at 18 years old, a scary dream where the tears in it felt so real I can still remember how upset I felt about losing that friend in that dream. And so, even if I've said long ago in another entry about removing excess baggage (yes, I was referring to you), I still couldn't help but find time to get you that and then deliver it to your place, even when I was really tired last night.

Talking about last night, I'm beginning to wonder whether I was really lying when I wrote that it didn't matter to me whether you decide to bring it along to US or not. Well, at least at the time of writing, I thought I was lying. I mean, if I couldn't be bothered, I wouldn't have even bothered getting it and delivering it. But then, when you said you still had space in your luggage, it's light and so you can always bring it along, I wasn't that happy either. It felt a lot more like a stab, now that I've decided to make myself write you off. Even when you offered to walk me to the bus stop and keep me company whilst I wait for the bus, it felt a lot more like stabs, reminding me of what the long time friendship could be, but will never be. Yeah, and I acted cool by refusing it firmly. But you know what? The moment you went off, the useless tears started to roll (discreetly?) for the demise of a friendship and refused to stop until a long while later..Useless right? Well, at least I'm proud of the fact that I stood my ground about not sending you off even if I woke up quite a no. of times and was consciously aware of the time.

Whatever the case, yes, a particular person can be proud that she's won hands down. But it's ok, I'm not that unworthy a friend to some others who'll still dote on me and share the ups and downs of their lives, right?

In any case, I'm really happy to note that you've made more friends at your previous jobs, given how you didn't seem to have a lot of friends who were truly concerned about you before that (save for the 2 of your closest friends).

And even if you're never going to see this, take care of yourself yah? Try making a few more allies whilst you're there so that the 18 months will be much more enjoyable, yah?

旧的不去，新的不来

A new year, a new start. Even within the short span of a few weeks, 2010 seem to have brought quite a bit of change to those around me. Of these, Robin da ge's new saloon (anyone wants to go?), Mr Wong Kum Fu's return as one of my learned friends (then again, I really hope I won't kena any matters opposite him), Mr 0543 moving on from his car no. 188 to a new job were the happier changes. BZ's departure and imminent new firm should be considered neutral. Then at the other end of a spectrum, one of the best-est female friends I can ever have is ready to move on to another stage in her life...

No matter how good things are, stagnating is perhaps one of the worst things to do. If we stay at one point, we'll never be able to see the perhaps more beautiful corners. Even the more accomplished celebs (well, at least in Singapore) like Adrian Pang and Daniel Ong are moving on with their professional lives too, what more small fries like me?

And so, even if it's a bit late for new year resolutions, (hey, I can be unique and make Chinese New Year resolutions, right?), here is the list that I would, hopefully, at least seek to do in this Tiger (or Tigeress) year:

1. Hit my self-set mental billing target comparable to the one I had at GLC (Don't seem to be pushing myself hard enough yet. But if I don't, how am I to be one step closer to buying Mr Tan & Mr Chan dinner in Japan, right?)

2. Give my VVVIPs priority in utilising my time, even if it means putting aside everything else because nothing should matter as much as them to me. (Doesn't sound convincing? But hey, I'm really trying)

3. Aim to pass guys' 2.4km run by next year. (Don't ask me why. Haha.. Think GK mentioned before that guys' 2.4km is way harder, so I'll take that as my new challenge after driving?)

4. Be a more serious and cooperative learner just like my previous role as a learner driver. (If I can be friends with my driving instructors yet still learn well under them, it shouldn't be much of a problem applying this to my trainer before he decides to disown his protege here, right?)

5. Learn and master (at least half bucket lah) a new skill/dialect

And finally...

6. Not attempt any form of tort on unworthy creatures on this earth

There you go, think they shouldn't be too unattainable, right? If anyone sees me veering off course, please feel free to give me one tight slap or a good hit on the head, k? (Though I think that constitutes battery, no?)

*******

To you know who you are,

Like I've said to you before, friends are not here to tell you what to do, but to be there to stretch out their hands to pick you up from your falls. Now that you've thought it through and made your decision, remember, you'll always have my moral support (yes, including the reminders not to be weak as requested, though I think I'm more of a weakling than you). I hope you've really moved on, and are not putting up a "high" front, simply cause what matters most is your smiles.

And of course, friends LOVE to be bothered (or at least for me lahz). So if you ever ever need an environmentally-friendly tissue, a movable and slightly flexible pillar, a breatheable emotional rubbish dump, a self-controlled anti-not-soft toy (ie. it hugs you rather than you hug it).. remember, there's always one of this strange/weird character here..k?

*hugz*

Yay! RenCi way exceeded its target! =)

Yes, the topic sounds childish, but hey, that's my normal behaviour isn't it?

Despite how I didn't really feel like being at home until after Chinese New Year this year, I simply had to rush back to watch tv today. It's Renci charity show tonight, and I so badly wanted to watch them meet their target. For a moment, the tv screen appeared as though they would miss it by some $200,000. But when the final tally came out, it was $7m! I so love financial freedom, even if my contribution is not worth even a speck of peanut. Happy! =)

A lot of things may change as we grow up, but certain things will still be once again the same, even if it took some detour along the way. Just like friends sitting down for a cup of coffee (and a cookie) and sharing your tears, fears and thoughts. Granted, it would have been great if the circumstance was happier, but I'm still glad you trust me enough to share your tears, just like when we were the 17 year-old gals year ago. Don't fret, like one of my favourite (and as usual, not-much-sense) belief, life is like a sine/cosine curve, when you get to the minimum point, you can't go anywhere but upwards.

Of course, friends are not just to share tears. One of the other happiest (well, at least to me) things in life is simply being able to celebrate your most important friends' birthdays. For eg. my favourite Mr Chan's (belated) birthday!

Seriously, I don't know whether I'm happier or you're happier. Haha.. But then, that's what I call relaxing. Being able to speak your mind, laugh, suan, "debate" etcetc.. Like I said, remind me to work super duper hard, so that I can be ultra successful, just so that I can buy you and my dearest Mr Tan dinner in Japan.. Haha.. Or flood VC with loads and loads of toys, right, Mr Chan? *grinz*

Speaking of speaking one's mind, can someone tell me whether I'm overly naive? After knowing Wanling for more than 10+ years and becoming relatively close during our sec 4 year, I found out only on Tuesday (much to Wanling's amusement) that she was only kidding when she said she had a brother. Reminds me so much of the NJCO days when I could never tell whether Sheng En's excuses for skipping practices were real or fake, much to my own exasperation. Seriously, am I that easy to bluff? Hmm... Now, I'm beginning to wonder if our classmates have really been pronouncing Yangzhong's name wrongly all these years...

Since we're at the topic of CO, I saw the above decor on my way to the train station on Friday. Add to the incessant playing of CO Chinese New Year music all around (the taxi I took to China Square yesterday too!!), I really do miss being a part of the CO playing those (noisy) Chinese New Year songs. Just as I've said to Cailing, I so feel like taking leave next next Friday, just to listen to a live performance of these songs.

Ok, I guess that more or less summarises my week. Have a more beautiful week ahead! =)

Oh yes, before I forget, WELCOME BACK, MR HO!!!! =) You've been missed! (Haha.. even if we meet up only like erm.. once a year?) But yes, it's great to have you back!

致一个被超可恶的人伤害了的人

一直以来我都不怎么相信人。别人越是靠近，我那无形的围墙就立刻建得越高。难怪一位好友曾埋怨我是一个超不会留住朋友的人。

对啊，这位好友说得一点儿都没错。十/十一年前是这样，十/十一年后还是如此。随着人逐渐的成长，所谓的“朋友” 的伤害，人就越爱封闭自己，不愿在阔大可能会被捅一刀的范围。

其实，越是害怕被伤害的人有时才是最会伤害人的那个。今天的一个无心的言语却让我发现世上最可恶的自己早在不知不觉中“刺伤” 了一个还蛮开朗，尽责而且应该会是一个蛮棒的朋友的人。

你知道吗，当我发现那一向有着一丝调皮稚气的笑脸今天却变成了一个面无表情，不拘言笑的面孔时，我顿时有个“uh-oh”的念头，除了万二分的道歉外也不知怎么才能做到"damage control"。你给的不开心的借口其实也只是个借口吧。

好久没有如此般愧疚的感觉了。或许在我开开心心地建起invisible围墙不让自己结交朋友的当儿，我却也潜意识的还是把你当成朋友了。就因为你算上是“朋友”（而且还是个挺尽力的一位）所以在无理地捅了朋友一刀后我才会有感到如此的罪恶感，就好像那种打到十八层地狱也不该翻身那样吧。是啊，说让你选时间的是我，心情不好在埋怨的也是我，真的还蛮该死的嘛。

总儿言之，我还是要说声

对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！
对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起!
对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！
对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起!
对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起!
对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起!
对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！
对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！
对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！
对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！对不起！

写了这么多，其实也不知会让你读吗。其实读了也没什么，毕竟以我以往的经验，即使你不再不高兴了，可恶的我还是很会重蹈覆辙，再做些更有办法惹人不爽的事。这一点，我很能confirm。

虽然如此，但还是希望不久后能再次看到你那亲切的笑脸（即使你要ignore我也好），毕竟，长时间扳这一张脸也容易老化（okok.. 那应该算是我胡说，但就不要再因小人（ie. 我）的过错而少了笑容好吗？）

对不起啦,Mr Ang!

Happy Birthday, Mr WKF!

Was really glad to bump into a certain Mr WKF in the bar room yesterday. *Gives myself a pat on the shoulder for deciding to get my iced Milo before my ultra long queue yesterday*

For helping me fulfil this wish, here's me wishing you Happy Birthday, Mr Wong!!May all your birthday wishes this year (and the years to come) come true! =)