I've actually typed an entry in the wee hours of yesterday morning. An incomplete entry that I've decided to discard, simply because it's just way too difficult to bring myself back to my thoughts yesterday and type on from there. Same thoughts, but a day's difference makes lots of difference, at least, it's a bit harder to continue in the same tone.
Just got back from watching Brokeback Mountain with my mum (yes, it's like so long ago, but I just didn't have the time to watch) The show was.. in my usual description.. ok lohz.. Just that, I really didn't like one of the characters. Perhaps I just don't agree with or particularly like those who want others to conform or do things their way. Each of us have our own background, our own situation so a similar scenario may mean differently, and bring about different actions in them. Each of us have our own burdens and worries such that, if you truly care about the other, you would not really want to force the other to do things your way just to make you feel better or let the person be in a not-so-happy scenario.
Or perhaps it's just me.
Sometimes, I really don't know whether keeping a lay-back attitude and trusting one's friends to do what they think they prefer is really right. Just like last evening when I was out with a friend. There was a point in time when he had a pensive look.. yet, I just didn't want to ask because I thought he didn't want me to anyway. Is this the best way to show concern? I don't know. There's very little that can be done when one just stands by hoping to be able to watch over a friend. Then again, that's not even considered watching over.. it's just basically doing nothing!
In any case, I truly truly enjoyed last evening. Just like what I told Zhul in the afternoon when he asked about my lunch.. "Dinner will be much better". He thought I was just being optimistic. Little did he know that I was just making an accurate prediction, because I just knew that I would enjoy my dinner. Food hardly ever matters that much to me as compared to the lunch/dinner company I have. Ok, not that I'll be very happy if the food was disgustingly inedible of course, but the point is, so long as you have a great company, the food always seems much better. But, I noticed a very bad habit of mine too. I tend to go overboard in my attempt to make meet-ups light-hearted, so much so that the dinners could just end up crappy. Guoxing mentioned it the last time I met up with him and Shamini. And last evening, I consciously noticed it. In fact, I thought the nonsensical chattering forced my dinner company to automatically switch to a crappy mode, which should be rather far from what he was feeling yesterday (or was I just being over-sensitive and over-imaginative? I doubt so though) So much so that when we adjourned elsewhere later, I thought it felt a lot better to see the thoughtful look, just because it just didn't seem like he had to put in extra effort to put up a front.
But as I said, dinner was a highlight that played a role in helping me get through the week. Can still remember how much I dreaded the start of this week just before it started, because I had thought that it would be the start of emotional-torturing weeks ahead. But the week turned out otherwise, thanks to the beacons of star-light that beamed in through the week. In fact, a certain KM actually commented about me bouncing in the office on Thurs, and that, was just because I had spent the night chatting with another very close friend of mine. Actually, it wasn't only bouncing across the office (that was a muted form of skipping actually, since I couldn't skip around the office in front of everyone, like I used to across the NJC library). I actually skipped across the corridor when no one was watching, skipped instead of walk during lunch. Come to think of it, I must have looked rather idiotic, but, somehow, I really felt that light-hearted that day. See what difference my friends can make to my week?
Seriously though, despite being surrounded by so many fake ones all around, I'm still very thankful to have friends who are truly concerned. Just like.. when I told Gek Koon about me and my just increased number of tuitions, his first reaction was "kaoz...... dun take up so many assignements lah..." and after a longer period of chatting, he went "the main pt is not jioin u out... tink u shd keep some of ur time free for relaxation n entertainment" And stupid as it sounds, it actually felt heartwarming to see that. Thank you, gk!!!! Don't worry, I know how to look after myself! =)
That basically unsatisfactorily sums up my sunny week. To the 2 guys, thank you for somehow being the highlight of this week, for blowing away the rain cloud that threatened to ruin my week!! Really.. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
