My 6th sense tells me that this would be a really long entry. Oh well, that'll be befitting of my last entry in this blog. Been hearing a lot of "We should be forward looking and not be stuck in the past" sort of phrases these few days, mostly from those who could have been wallowing in sadness, yet they decided not to do so but instead came up with such words to egg their fellow colleagues on. With such stuff coming from these people, who could bear not to heed their advice? Still, allow me to be stuck in this flashback for just this moment..
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Remembered about 3 plus years ago, around the time when I first knew I got into law faculty, someone told me that she didn't think I was suited for law, simply because I was too emotional. At that point in time, the words stung. And so, I tried hard to be more feelingless, or to put it in a nicer way, to be more cool. Somehow, certain man-made disaster in Singapore serve as a catalyst to make me the totally cynical, apathetic person befitting of the description of youths that I read in the paperes lately. My overnight lost of love for a country that I had previously hold so dear. So, I did become less feeling through the years, but less emotional?
These few days have made me realised that those words were so accurate. No doubt I can forcefully delete memories from my brain, be cynical about things happening around me, but I would never have to do all these if not for my over sentimentality and over emotionality. As I stuck faithfully to my TV set this whole evening, my brain seemed to have worked overtime trying to overcome my heart. Artistes from MediaWorks have all the right to feel upset simply because they had all made the effort to unite and make things work, which fate unfortunately dealt things otherwise. But me, a viewer, feeling the pain for them, with them? What utter craziness..
Perhaps all these signify the closing of another chapter, a passing chapter in life. Very soon, all these would be buried in the dust of history. Watching the flashbacks of the lifespan of Channel U, all of them just seem like yesterday, when a just jc-graduated girl stepped into the doors of NUS. I still remember at the point of MediaWorks debut, I was totally disgusted at the signing of Bryan Wong and Quan Yifeng, artistes I thought were crap. Fast-forward to today, not only have they earned total respect (at least from me) with regards to their hosting skills, but many others have also become much better looking, more poised and yes, closer to the viewers. Yet, in a fast paced society like Singapore, no one, nothing stops just for you. Before you have grasped hold of something, time has just slipped through your fingers, never to return again.
Perhaps all these ties in with my usual topic of treasuring things. Perhaps the greater sadness emanates from the lack of time in treasuring the choice I, the viewer had. As said time and over again, people just seem to learn how to treasure only when that thing is lost. Watching MediaWorks Chinese News on Channel U for the last time, I couldn't help but be like a sponge, absorbing details as much as I can. This is so, even though there was a period of time when I had used the programme to practice my Translation skills and shadowing. Yet at that time, it was work, focusing only on being able to translate properly, or following decently. If you ask me for the name of the reporter, you would have drawn a blank for me.
The greatest irony of all this is that.. I've just realised that one of the 2 (which is awfully few) seniors I was closer to in RGCO whom I've subsequently lost contact with is.. or rather, I mean was, one of the reporters on Channel U. And to think she is the sports reporter whom my mum mentioned was cute. And it's not that I didn't know of the new reporter either. Just that I've never bothered to focus a look, for, the moment I saw her face just now, my 1st reaction went like.. Was that Yiting?
Through this particular entry, I sound totally like a pathetic soul, immersing myself in the fantasy world of TV. I guess, in a way, Channel U appeared at a time when I needed an alternative harbour to hide from the storms. And pathetic as it sounds, hiding myself in the fake world, immersing myself in the happenings, the laughters from the programmes brought me away from what the real me could have felt. I guess the destruction of a safe and sound harbour is what makes the vast sea look so unsafe and uncertain, making a person not want to venture out.
Interestingly, someone expressed his surprise at me typing in a matured manner yesterday. To that, I don't even know whether to cry or laugh. Laugh because my act of childishness, craziness does seem so believable that it should be commended. Cry, simply because of the discovery that yet another doesn't know me?
Whatever it is, 2004 has come to an end. Good or bad, it's all over and it's time to move on. Farewell 2004!
and of course,
I love u, Channel U!
