Being Frank

As you are reading this now, have you ever asked yourself how frank you are to the people around you? Or are you one of those who normally have some things to say, but these words get swallowed back in again even before being uttered, only to let those more palatable words pop up instead? But have you wondered how much the listener actually believed your words, or how much they've guessed about what you really meant?

Three people, all saying/acting as if retention wasn't that important to them. Yet, their actions and expressions betrayed their words. For example, if you really didn't care that much, would you truly have worked your guts out? Or would you be so upset about the bad reviews that you had? Or not getting back to office too awfully late? Certain things, even though you try hard to hide, still show up to the onlooker. But I'll rather choose not to comment on it, because if you do not want others to know, what's the point of me being a smart alec, right?

But of course, I am in no position to comment too. Afterall, I'm all too often guilty of such behaviour too.

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On another totally irrelevant note, I'm so awfully sleepy/tired. It all started on Wednesday when I walked home from tuition *again*. Yesterday's research made me so sleepy, plus the fact that I couldn't find anything relevant that I simply had to cancel tuition just so that I could continue to work at home. Even so, I kept dozing and dozing off. Then this morning, I was suddenly very wide awake in the office (probably cause of the pressure I gave myself). That non-sleepiness more or less lasted till I got home after the same tuition. Makes me can't help but wonder if there's something with the IMH area. I mean, Yio Chu Kang is way further to walk back but yet I'm not that tired of the walk back from Zihui's place. Besides, it's not the first time I'm this tired after tuition in that area. In fact, it seems that I'm always half-dead by the time I return from that area. Hmm...

Sleepyhead

You know you are ultra sleepy when your friend tells you something and you reply with a "What day is today?" I didn't even notice that there was a missed call from him. Sorry sorry. Then again, you didn't reply my sms that day too, so we're quits! =p

Lunched with Chloe, Steph, Shyen Sook, Clarissa today. That made me realise the word "retention" is occupying most of my fellow peers' minds these days. Perhaps I'm just impatient, I thought I was a tad irritated when Clarissa kept asking duhz questions, like her constant question of "what's considered screwing up?". But Steph mentioned something related to another firm that pipped my curiousity (since she didn't mention names) but also made me had that split-second worry about another friend. Oh well, I'm sure I was only over-worrying and things would turn out fine.

Even though our conversation appeared to suggest otherwise, I'm quite sure Beatrice is quite worried about retention too. Sometimes, it's not so much about whether we want something badly or not, but rather, it just doesn't feel good being rejected.

Come to think of it, if only Mr Yeo didn't intervene, things might have been very different. Somehow, even though I am grateful for his help, I thought some actions were uncalled for. In a way, I do feel quite paiseh at least towards Mr Marini. I mean, that was a really nice offer and I think I would have been happy there. Though it's long over, somehow I still feel rather apologetic to this day.

Talking about work, another pupil just joined today, and he just had to be Mr SR's buddy. Oh well, who cares. I'm just glad to have volunteered to do work for Terence yesterday, though it's also the reason why I've been losing sleep since yesterday. Too long periods of no work makes my brain work slower, and somehow, I just couldn't find relevant research results. Yet, Terence was still nice about it, and I quite like the guided discussions too. Of course, that also adds to the pressure since I just have this voice telling me repeatedly that I must do a good job because it's work from Terence (unlike some other people whom I don't like).

Went for a chat about something somewhere yesterday. I guess I'm still not comfortable typing about it. Can't remember who said this but sometimes clearer but not as nice results may be better than murky and possibly better results. At least there's no uncertainty for the former.