The ONLY thing I want

"As per your request, this is a birthday card enclosed with the warmest greetings from the nice guy sent all the way across the vast pacific ocean to the tiny dot on the map"

1 sentence from my mum "I think your present from Gek Koon is here" drove away a otherwise sulky and weary face, and brought on a huge cheshire cat grin. 1 look at that first sentence, and you have one crazy girl half laughing to herself.

Yup, that me. Those who know me well enough would know that I'm indecisive, to the point that I'll usually have no preference whatsoever. This year, however, I insisted on a particular present from one of my most important friends. Much as this sounds super spoilt brat-ish, it's very much linked to the very reason why I love buying presents for those who mean a lot to me whenever I go overseas (No, colleagues don't count, cause that's a must buy). It's just my way of letting these friends know that, no matter which part of the world I am at, they are still thought of, and much cherished. In the same way, a birthday card from half a globe away is more than sufficient to induce a wider than wide grin on my face, simply because it signifies that I've been remembered by one of my most important friends, no matter where the friend is.

Whatever it is, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MY PRESENT, MR TAY! Even though you said in your card that you've no idea what to get me, you've actually already gotten me the present that I want most this year, ie. remembering me across half a globe, and being safe and sound! Like what I told a colleague last week, buying presents for me is both easy and difficult. So long as you're amongst my precious and highly treasured friends, I'll just love anything you get, even if it's the simplest sms or card.

On a side note, I've just received an overseas call that thrilled me no end too. Looks like I'll get to see Mr Chai this week too! But then, looks like this phone call indirectly made it clear who my subconcious mind values more too.. Can only say, time does change a lot of things..

Grrr...

For a moment, I was so tempted to scream "I hate my job". But then again, work is not meant to be loved anyway.

So yah, it's back to work. Actually, rather than "celebrating" my birthday by pooling money, I would have thought an alternative present would be way better (and cheaper). That is, LEAVE ME ALONE haha..

Don't worry, I'm really fine. Maybe with the exception of more fine lines after a while from all the frownings.. =) But I'm really fine

甜甜的

Either I'm easily pleased, or just plain attention seeking, but it sure feels super nice to see words somewhat amounting to care and concern coming your way, especially from people you least expect. Whether they really do mean it or not. Or maybe it was just from a friend whom I didn't want to be bothered with but couldn't not be bothered with. For eg. "i'm going for lunch now... you go too k! dun skip ah"

Of course, there are other conversations, where the things said may not amount to anything, but they're still sweet to the listener/reader, maybe cause the listener/reader is just plain easy to please. Whatever it is, the rain and all those unhappy matters have not seem to dampen this festive season. To the contrary, it's beginning to feel really Christmas-y, just because of the warmth exuded from the various MSN conversations from my beloved friends.

I feel so loved. Haha.. And easy pleased =)

Back

A simple sms, a simple gesture.

2003, after a horrendous holiday abroad, that birthday greeting sms from Guoxing whilst I was away reduced me to tears. Simple, yet sweet.

Along the way, there were many other smses too. Each of them brought warmth to the reader, and brought her the comforting sense of "I'm back".

This time round, I thought the "glad to have you back. that's sufficient" was especially sweet.

Whatever it is, thank you, Weiguang and Jeremy.

A lot of the recent events have emphasised the fragility of life, and the importance of treasuring. So I'm really really thankful to have you guys around. Not forgetting Gary and Weiling too, for just listening to me, and being there for me when I smsed those stuff whilst overseas. And Peiqi, for just replying to my questions too.

Thank you and.... I really love you! :)

Congrats, Grace!

There are things that you prefer to blog about, and others that you prefer to put down on pen and paper..

******

Just got back from Grace's wedding. A pretty sweet and quiet (I think this is the most quiet wedding dinner I've attended), though the service of that particular hotel left much to be desired. Still, seeing the look of blissful-ness on Grace's face was, erm... heartwarming. I'm sure Ivan will make a really strong pillar of strength for the one with the really lady like charm Grace.

On another note though, some people can take note not to invite too many law people, and particularly not whiny brats. Imagine how fun it'll be when you've a guest who whines and whines, including not getting her drink fast enough, not having the table gift at her seat (and insisting that the waiter gets one for her). You get my point.

But that said, it was still a really sweet affair. (Even though I doubt you read my blog) Congrats again, Grace!! =)

简单的快乐

简单的快乐是：

（1）一位你在乎的朋友的“甜言蜜语”，即使你不清楚到底他说的是真是假

（2）一位休假半天的好友老远跑下来配你吃饭，吵吵闹闹、嘻嘻哈哈地过了短暂的一小时

（3）一位在一起工作不久的同事愿把你当朋友，或至少还会不太希望你走，虽然也不知是真是假

其实，快乐能是很简单，也可以是复杂的。有些人可以用金钱买快乐、有的却把快乐当无价。 就如蔡深江（还是黄明德？）所说的， 能埋怨也是一种幸福， 因为你还有闲情逸致去埋怨，总好比那些须为了三餐而苦恼而没时间的人来的好吧。

所以即使今日的天空有那么一点儿蓝，却因为有你们的点缀， 天色也变的灿烂起来了。

私心狂想曲

真正的关心，是让他人在辽阔的天空中自由自在的翱翔。

******

有一鼓冲动，想说自己有那么一点 blue, 但想想，珍惜的朋友追随着自己的梦想／快乐其实是件超棒的事啊！问题只出在多愁善感的自己在不知不觉中太过依赖这些朋友了吧。

但这是好事啊，所以还 blue 什么 blue?

星期天的随想

美思的那么一通电话竟平辅了我错乱的世界..

或许在“争权夺利”，封闭自己的当儿，我也逐渐失去了自己。不知从何起，耀芳已不再是朋友诉说心事的对象。　反倒是变成那个整天埋怨的那个..

但隐藏在深处的我，依然愿意也希望能守护着她深深在乎的朋友，即使她不愿明显的表现出来..

只要那些她在乎的，不要过于明显的伤害她吧..

Horribly Nostalgic..

Just watched some of the real Channel U's snippets on Youtube. 2 years do make such lot of difference to a person. Whilst doing some 'time travelling', I realised the changes have been so drastic..

Wonder what Honghui is doing for his hols now. Haven't seen him online in a real long while. Feels just like yesterday when I was on the verge of breakdown before my Public Law paper. Hmm..

I don't need new friends. Just give me back my old friends, under all the old circumstances. Maybe throw in everything old too. Moving too quickly just means losing grasp.

Oh.. and the rain reminds me of the December holidays in primary school.

Dinner with Gary!

Finally! Seems like it's quite hard to meet up, even if it's just to pass Gary my present from Malacca! In exchange, I received a really really cute bear which I played with the entire night (much to Gary's dismay.. haha) and a really nice dinner! Thank you, Gary!

Anyway, how can it be possible not to have a running commentary and photos here? Here it is..

First of all, dinner at the Kopitiam opposite Cineleisure! My mum actually commented "How come you ate sting ray?" cause I had commented earlier this year about how I wouldn't want to eat murderers (for those who have not been following the news, a naughty sting ray in Australia did become a murderer! hmpf!) Anyway, since Gary would it eat anyway, why should I not touch something that I like, right? Haha.. And whilst waiting for our dinner to be cooked, I started bullying Gary into taking photos with my bear! =)

I've deliberately chosen the blurred one, since the main character (err.. aside from my bear!) prefers the blurred one. =)

And then, we went off to Taka, initially thinking of our dessert..

That was a difficult tree to take a photo of. Next time, they shouldn't make it so tall!!! =(

Since wherever we wanted to go to was crowded, we decided to run off to another branch. But not before checking out the Heeren for something resembling that of Gary's bag badge:

(picture missing because blogger refuses to upload this for now)

And just to compare my bear's size with a set of CDs' keyboard-like covering:

Finally, it's dessert and snacks time!!! Gary is always ordering the same drink!! But I had a new dessert!! =)

I loved my dinner yesterday, Mr Chan! Thank you!! And thanks so much for the bear!! Just imagine, I took more photos with my bear when I got home..

Yoooohoooo!!!

Who cares if I have to face bitches and assholes? And really dumb ones too..

My pupil master replied my email!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seow Hwei called me this afternoon after she heard from MY pupil master that the company I am in does not take a certain stand, something that I did not realise at that point too. The gist is, I emailed him to thank him and I assumed that he wouldn't reply.

But he did!!!!! And I actually exclaimed from my seat!!!

I am not so sure about the legal basis, but I recall at least a couple of your chaps saying this to me over the past few years.

Anyway, hope things are going well for you.

I'm sooooo happy now! =) All the squeals and barks of those bitches can be ignored for today! =)

You know how clean your office is...

When two rats are caught in a single mousetrap in the office.

Of course, it's also telling when two mouse traps are set up, one on each end of the office and then the two rats were caught in the same trap, not on my side of the office *phew*

Although it means noise pollution will whine and whine the entire day.

On another note, I received another email that thrilled me immensely..

Yao Fang

same as the time when you were here, you can call me by my first name. no need for "Mr". I am not that venerable.

thanks.

Best Regards

SP

He left out his surname in the sign off too. Although, I think I used to either call him 'Sir' or 'Mr L' too.. Thank you, Mr L! =)

认识你, 真好!

好久好久没有华语写什么了. Just had that urge to type in Chinese, until I realise it's not very practical to do so, given the lack of a Chinese program. I'll probably take years to finish this entry whilst creatively using Babelfish to translate single words.

Before I start on another paragraph, I'm suddenly reminded of Ms Dorothy Chua's numerous "no link!" comments in my GP essays. Yes, at the risk of having no links between the paragraphs, I shall continue typing just whatever that pops up in my mind.

Seriously, one never realises how fast time flies until one stops and thinks. Just imagine, as we were talking about Mr Frankie Tan, Mr Timothy Chee and even Mr Swaran Singh today, 6 years or so had just zoomed by us! Yet, at the same time, time seemed to shrink so significantly as the group of us laughed at the reminder of Mr Singh's erm... aesthetic sense? =)

There are many kinds of happiness. There's the super heady kind where one gets a sudden huge dose of cheer. Then, there is also the really mild kind that lingers on and on, somewhat like the feeling after bitting on a piece of 甘草 (licorice, according to Babelfish).

Frankly, I didn't expect this evening to give me that latter feeling. Thanks to the newest tuition kid that I don't exactly like, I almost didn't turn up for the mini class dinner today. Not sure whether I should be thankful to the Metro-Parking thing or not, but it made me just decide that I couldn't be bothered about what the kid or his mum would react.

Which is a good thing actually.

All of us have grown and moved on in our lives. And when you get together again, you realise that you don't exactly know everyone already. Yet, the 2 years when we studied together provided just that fine line to join all of us together, and as certain memories pop up, the ice thaws and you still get to laugh together. After a day at work dealing with the dumb-est people in the world, it's always very nice to moth back to a person you used to be.. Instead of being the irritable, ready-to-bite-off-stupid-colleagues'-head person, it's really warm to be smiling and just simply relaxing with people who matter.

Yes... 99S29.. I love you!

A pleasant surprise

Just when the weekend threatened to become a really boring work-like one, I received a surprise MSN message from a big brother of mine. And that was how I spent the late part of the day immersed in crafts (ok, we were only browsing). I never knew such 'fair' existed until today, nor did I realise the number of people who make their own crafts to sell.

Thanks for the handphone cover, and more importantly, the big brotherly concern!! =) Although... who says I keep dropping my phone huh? I've more or less kicked that habit, k? Still, I love the handphone cover!! Yes, and thanks for contact lens solution reminder! =)

Mental note to myself though, I need to kick my habit of being late! I think I caused Itak da ge to wait for almost an hour (although I didn't realise what time he would get there.. Hmm) Still, sorry!! If only da ge would scold me.. Then again, da ge being da ge, I doubt he would...

Actually, I thought I would be tempted to sneak a peak at a person's blog for photos of another person's brother's wedding (I'm more or less sure that this person would put it up anyway). In the end, I'm not, and I don't ever think I actually feel like seeing the photos anyway. Good! Just shows that spring cleaning has not really gone to waste. Besides, I've more than sufficient friends whom I hold dear!! =)

On a side note though.. Good luck for your final paper, grandfather! And good luck for your series of PLC papers, SY! =)

Too much of something may not be a good thing

Was pretty much excited on Thursday, all the way till Friday, even though certain people irritated a whole lot out of me those 2 days. But it didn't matter, because I was supposed to get a quotation from R----, and my manager had told me to email my pupil master. MY PUPIL MASTER! I haven't heard from him since I've finished pupillage, and in a way, I guess he's glad to have finally gotten rid of his pupil, but still, the thought of being able to send an email to my pupil master and getting a response simply thrilled me no end. The feeling of wanting to skip all around just at the thought of being able to email my pupil master. Besides, if matters progressed to a trial, I might finally get a chance to watch my pupil master do a trial! It's something that I've always wanted, but never had a chance to. Even though in the end, my manager still made me email Mr Lek. It doesn't really matter. I'm still excited at the thought of the reply email from Mr Lek, and wondering who would be assigned to the case.

It's been a really long while since I've been so thrilled about a piece of work, although I do agree that if I were to be able to do this very often, I may not be as excited as I am now. Too much of something that exciting may just simply turn that thing into something bland.

Just like the chocolate buffet I had with LiJia.

We survived the first round relatively ok. Then we went for our second round.

Delicious looking isn't it? Disappointingly though, we had a REALLY hard time finishing this. Which meant we didn't had a go at the chocolate drink or the chocolate fountain!

Still, I do hope the birthday girl enjoyed the chocolate torture! =)

On a side note though, I realise we've not taken a photo together! Let's take one next time we meet, k?

Mum's birthday

Happy Birthday, Li Jia!

Dearest Lijia,

After knowing me for so many years, I'm sure you should have figured that I always tend to procrastinate. So, instead of mailing you a snail mail birthday card, which would have been much sweeter, I ended up typing this open letter to you.

Can you still remember the first time we met? All of us were sitted at the sports gallery. I think you said 'hi' to both Clara and me. We ended up talking a lot as we had our lunch at Ghim Moh void deck that day. Orientation... Pufferilla... Amongoeth... ZQ... and then 1S03J.. Chinese lessons (or rather the lack of).. Council elections.. Somehow or rather, you were there in almost all the memories of 1st 3 months JC life.

Perhaps that was one reason why I really didn't mind having to go through the heartache of changing schools. Even if I had another choice again, I don't think I'll want to enter NJC during my first 3 months. No. That would mean one less friend whom I didn't really know how to treasure in the past, but who'll always play a really important role in my life. A treasure whom I might be able to do without, but I don't really want to miss.

Jia, thank you for all the laughter, tears and perhaps even the irritation shared. Thank you for tolerating my less-than-nice behaviour when I had a short fuse. Actually, more importantly, thank you for being my friend all these years, and giving me the honour of being one of the rare few who are permitted to call you by your Chinese name.

Happy birthday, dear!

May all your birthday wishes come true and may you always be surrounded by people who love you dearly!

Of course, no matter what the future holds, or whatever decisions you make, you'll always have a friend here who will stand by you!

luv

Fang

Catching Up

In order to be in tandem, 2 persons have to move at the same pace. If one dashes forward whilst the other inches on, the gap in between will inevitably widen.

Not that I am saying that the faster one should be moving at the latter's pace. Rather, a good leader is not one who is always ahead of the pack, but one who is able to look back and motivate those behind to move forward. Instead of moving forward alone, isn't it more important for a group to be all moving forward at a reasonable pace?

There is nothing wrong in increasing prices, yes, nothing wrong, if the entire society is indeed progressing well as a whole. Like the countless analogies of stabbing someone and then giving out plasters, I really do not see how increasing GST would benefit the less well off. What does it mean when you say that the economy has improved, that the unemployment rate has gone down? Would you consider an ex-manager currently working as a cleaner as a sign of improvement? I doubt so.

The point is, if the lead is going to continue running at his own pace without looking back, all the while expecting those behind to keep up, someday, he's going to lose sight of them. Then what happens? He would have to stop in order to continue to be a leader of a group instead of the sole member of solitude. In a world that is constantly moving forward, can he afford that?

Perhaps getting a balance in life is always much easier said than done.

The same goes for friendship, doesn't it? Or any human relationship for that matter. If you want things to remain the same, the only way to do so is not to remain unchange, but rather, change at the same rate. Perhaps even at the end of the day when two paths diverge, one can always be glad that you've once been at the same pace.

Food again..

Potato once commented how dressing in a more presentable manner was necessary when meeting up with friends because it was a show of respect. I guess that's true in a way, since I always tend to be awfully late for work on days when I am meeting up with sufficiently important friends, or how I'll put on contact lenses despite a severe lack of sleep (not a result of work, of course).

In any case, the only things pulling me to work today was the thought of lunch with Stephen and Tony as well as dinner with Weiguang. As pathetic as it sounds, yes, this is really what drags me to work and keeps me going nowadays. No wonder I'm turning from fat to fatter! Hah!

If only the AMC were this week, then I could have had a longer lunch with Stephen and Tony, and sneak off with them to get bubble tea (It's supposed to be somewhere nearer Rochor branch, where they are at now although Stephen is coming back to HQ when he's back from Korea!) Sometimes, it's really not the food that matters. Just like, I don't necessary think I do love bubble tea that much. The point is running off to have bubble tea with friends. It's just like how I don't mind having to wait for the 2 guys whilst they (or rather Tony only) get done with servicing. So what if I risk getting breathed down my neck? It's not like my manager, or the other colleagues go for strictly one hour lunch only anyway. (Oh dear, I do hope the matters typed here are not being audited..)

Back to dinner. This time, it's back to Purvis Street although we had some Hainanese food today. Interestingly, even though we had chicken rice balls, I don't remember us ordering any chicken!

Somehow I think the lady serving us must be amused/amazed at how the 2 of us can actually finish 4 dishes within a short span of time. Especially when even I am amused by our eating capability! Then again, it's soo normal when having meals with dinner with either Weiguang or Gary, I think.. Haha..

Talking about my dinner companion. Unfortunately for you, I did manage to get a photo of you!

A smiling Randall looks so different from the expressionless one. Even if you think I'm exaggerating, you really look much better with that smile on your face. That's why my obsession with talking smiling photos of you. So smile more often, k? (And no, that's NOT mothering.. haha)

And finally, the snacks that Mr Tan bought for me!!!

I love them!!! Thank You!!

Even though I love Hei Bai Pei, it really doesn't mean you have to buy that for me all the time! Still... I really really love it!!! Thank you so much!!! =)

Grandmother's Birthday

In between the numerous meeting up with people, it was also grandmother's birthday. Somehow, Wai Po's birthday has always been associated with exams, cause it would always inevitably fall during the exam period.

This year, I was still dreading the thought of Huimin's mum bugging me about my most sensitive topic, ie. work and pay. Her braggy character would be too much a test to my impatience (especially after I've started working here.. As I've told Mr Tan, bitchiness can diffuse in air too.. haha) In the end, I spent most of my time playing/entertaining YanLing and BingRui, which wasn't too bad really.

And, what's grandparents' birthday celebration if there's no food? A pity that Wai Po's ankle/foot is injured this year, so Junyan's mum was in charge. Though I still love Wai Po's noodles best, Junyan's mum's food was impressive too! Especially the yam flowers which look as good as they taste!

Meeting up

Contrary to what someone had 'accused' me of, I'm really much more free the past few weeks, so much so that I've been meeting up with quite a significant number of people over the 3 weeks.

First, my almost-akin-to-monthly lunch with Tee Meng. I couldn't remember why I just couldn't be bothered, but I met up with Tee Meng over lunch, despite my manager not being on leave. Although I really can't remember exactly for now, I still vaguely recall being really unwell that day and Tee Meng kindly agreed to go for some soup-ier food ie. fish slices bee hoon. For those who know me well enough, I hate eating fishes in water. However, the food did me loads of good and I was much better immediately after lunch. Or perhaps it was the company I had. I guess the most memorable food for that day was this shanza ice cream shake drink which Tee Meng thought sounded disgusting but which I thought was really nice:

That evening, I had dinner with a certain Mr Tan at *surprise surprise* Waraku again! This is the third time in a row that we met for dinner there. Mr Tan was still as happy with the food, judging from his happy face.

Dessert was at another Japanese restaurant (after we had gone to that Taiwanese snack shop of course) that I had always wanted to enter. And the dessert didn't disappoint either!

Ah... and I was given a really pretty handphone accessory that I absolutely love even though I had problems hanging it to my silly phone.The following Monday was dinner with Vicknesh. It's been a really long while since I've last met him, the last time being the time I fell off the bicycle and had to go for a client meeting the next Monday with significant plasters. This time round, we decided to be adventurous with food (then again, we've always been, given that the last time round, we ate the outer skin of the fruits for our desserts.. haha). This time, we had our dinner at this Turkey restaurant at Chijmes. Somehow, for the entire time we were there, we were the only customers. Then again, it's really not difficult to figure out why. In fact, if anyone wants to go there, you might want to stick to some dish called "Alexander the Great" or something only. Still, they had rather interesting cups! And exotic dishes.

And then, some time last week, it was a long-talked-about dinner with Mingyi. Some things just don't change. Like how we'll always talk about meeting up for lunch or dinner, but only do so a million years later. I can't exactly remember what we chatted about, but I just remember it was fun.

Just in case anyone wonders, nope, those were just desserts (or starters, since they served it before our main course). And I didn't get to take a photo of my dinner companion too! No thanks to my bad memory!

These are just a few of the dinners/lunch I had. There were others too, like with Beatrice and Chee Min, Weiling and the birthday dinner for Weiling and Alex.

With so many dinners, it's no wonder I'm getting fatter!! Argh! But somehow, I don't seem to be really genuinely worried, given that it was still food last weekend when I went over to Malacca.

That's chicken rice in case you are wondering. And to end it off, here's a night view of Malacca from the balcony.

Do I really look happy?

Kia Meng said that today, when asking about work.

It suddenly reminded me of what Jen Wei told Weiling during pupillage. That I'm happy there.

The most ironic thing is, both times, I wasn't. But, I just didn't want to say.

The feeling of depression is gradually setting in, though I've no idea why now. The feeling of just wanting to break down and cry and cry and cry without any reason. Frankly, I'm tired. I'm tired of having to smile to people I hate to the core and would rather stamp on their toes or give them one tight slap. I'm tired of having to be nice to people because I have to and not because I want to. I'm tired of calculating 6% compound interest and deciding what the most appropriate time would be. I'm tired of the fact that I can't take a real break immediately at the end of the work day even though I'm awfully tired in all aspects.

I need a break to shut myself off everyone and everything.

On another note, the highlight of the day was lunch with Terence, Kia Meng and Jen Wei. Even if someone suddenly dumped a piece of work on me (cause both D and he cannot make it) and I was supposed to have a meeting at 2pm. WTH. I don't even care if the other person would make noise if I'm back after 2pm (in any case, I sent him an email wanting to reschedule to 2.30 but for some reasons he didn't seem to have seen it). I really really really cannot be bothered. Lunch was the only thing that helped me survive through the morning and no way am I going to give it up just for some dumb stuff.

Oh, and PF will be relocating to Hong Kong. That's like less than a year after he left R! Still, I'm glad for him! =)

To 'Grandfather'

Dear GX,

Somehow or rather, I don't seem to be able to say the correct words to find out what's wrong.

But I just want to say, "Jia You, GX!"

And.. you know if you ever need a friend, I'll always be a phone call/sms away.

luv

Fang

Distance makes the heart grow fonder

Or does it?

As people begin to stay apart, their common topics gradually decrease. Slowly, they run out of things to talk about. Then, not wanting to face the awkwardness, they tend to stay away from each other and so the vicious cycle continues.

Sometimes I really wonder how true this phrase is.

Then again, if you look at it from another point of view, two people who have not met each other for a long while continue to stay apart. What remains would be the fond memories of the time spent with each other. As one reminisces those days, one would normally end up lamenting about the "good old times". Everything remains as pretty, so long as everything stays intact (including the distance). One change, and the fragile calm may suddenly be shattered.

It's just like how people tend to be more tolerant of those they don't normally see. Precisely because they don't see each other often, they have a higher limit of tolerance.

Frankly, I don't know and really don't feel like figuring out tonight.

Still remember the shell analogy I used in some letter to Qiuting? I feel like building it again. This time, just hiding myself in it.

Oh another note, I'm glad the package I sent reached the intended owner finally =)

And Itak is once again in Singapore. He actually bought whatever he promised me, even though I told him it wasn't necessary. =)

I think..

Before I make any more new friends, perhaps I should learn to treasure the ones I have first. And at least make an effort to know them better.

Ignore me.. It's just an effect I have after chancing upon a friend's blog yesterday.

On another note, I saw Meisi online! She didn't type anything back. But her brother (at least I think so..) said she said "ok" when I said we'll chat on MSN again someday. I know we'll be able to do that again, Meisi. Jia you!

The lost feeling continues ever since it started yesterday.

Pushover

Over dinner today, I made a comment that Gary agreed with. The fiercest person always wins.

I couldn't help recalling something that Sarah commented about a teacher of hers, and then linked on to me. Am I a pushover? Perhaps no in some aspects, but yes, in quite a few more too.

It's time I stop being a pushover at all, especially when I'm situated in enemy territory.

It's so obvious the little pawn here will be shoved off elsewhere. Eeeeeeeeediots

PS: Just can't help but think it necessary to note my attire to work today. No skirt! Just ask my schoolmates how rare that is! Haha..

******

Some photos of Gary looking a bit deliriously happy.. Haha..

A rare moment that Mr Chan is nice, but then, it's most likely because he was too lazy to get another knife!

Network

There was a sentence in an article in today's 'my paper' that mentioned a research by Stanford University that revealed that 12.5% of a person's wealth came from that person's knowledge whilst the remainder 87.5% was dependant upon human relations.

Perhaps that's one tiring thing about growing up.

When we were younger, all the 'don't friend you' and stuff were such common occurences. It was no big deal if you hear it so many times a day (although to a kid, it was a whole lot of deal!) Slowly, the sound of all these 'don't friend you' died down, though it did not necessary mean that you still tried to live (ok, or maybe study) harmoniously with the others. Then came life university (ie. work) where you learnt how things are not necessary what they seem, and the best of way of protecting yourself is, interestingly, to have as large a network as possible.

Though that doesn't necessary mean that you have more friends. Simply because network is not necessary equivalent to friends.

When talking about networking, the first person that came to my mind was the HCB (refer to Gary for the meaning.. haha) sitting near me. A all-talk-no-action yeee-diot who's greatest strength in life is probably networking. That suits him fine too, because from the look of it, he doesn't suffer much from his eee-diocy.

Which is no wonder why Caroline asked me to join them for the trip to Batam (which I am going for). Actually, without the possibility of Itak's offer to bring me around, I would be way more hesistant. Then again, like what some had said, it's just 1 night, I won't die of that. If all else fails, just stick to smiling =)

Perhaps short term networking is not as tough as really maintaining a friendship. Was immersed in the fictitious world of a particular book the last 2 days. A book that at the beginning reminded me of a person and made me rethink certain thoughts. Yet, at the end of the day, I've finally noticed the obvious difference between the characters in the book and the people in real life. For one thing at least, no matter where they were, they would always be keeping in touch, and be genuinely concerned about their friend. Unlike real life.

Still, interestingly, it doesn't really matter to me.

Lijia made a comment today, something to the effect of friendster and my friends. Jia, if you are referring to the testimonials, I'll just say, testimonials are never a true reflection, at least not when both parties write for each other. It's different from our school testimonials since we don't write our teachers' testimonials (err... right, teachers?) =)

The 'delinquent'

Once again, I feel so much like a delinquent today.

Then again, who cares, since I had a rather enjoyable day today!

Somehow I still think that when things get really really good, something bad will occur. Just as when things are really really bad, there's no other direction to go, but to take a turn for the better. Perhaps the unhappiness for the week was the consideration for the 'treat' yesterday and today.

Itak told me yesterday afternoon that he would be coming to Singapore last night because of the Australian study fair this weekend. Why would I decline the invitation to tag along?

And so, after being late for quite a significant amount of time (not my fault, the two of them didn't reply my sms on whether they had gotten up or not, and in any case, I think they woke up late) we spent the whole day really walking around. Itak is still very much the big brother, and Edi was highly fun to be with too. In the midst of the day, Itak's senior dropped by too, but rushed back to Batam within a few hours.

In any case, it was really tiring, but it also made my day..

Friday the 13th...
I've always looked forward to Friday the 13th, ever since I had my Primary 6 English prelims on a Friday the 13th. Somehow or rather, it normally would end up being a happy day for me, and thus, I would always relish it whenever it came up.

That is till early in the morning. In fact, I thought the day would be a really horrid one. Thankfully, it wasn't so right till the end.

Firstly, I finally figured one website that I wanted to use, that wasn't blocked by some ultra dumb people. Thanks to that too, I got wind of a news that brightened up the evening.

And of course, given that I didn't really want to come home too early, I met up with Peiqi.

My belated children's day present! Just in case the contents are not seen clearly, there's biscuits, sweets (there's one sweet that I think happens to be the one that LwW likes!), chocolates, clips (similar to what a certain Mr Lin bought for me), cute mechanical pencils, a pen and some art&craft thing. Thanks Peiqi!! =)

We had our dinner at PastaMania:

After which we adjourned to Haagen Daaz for our fondue:

Just look at how happy and proud Ms Tan is of her chocolate coated ice-cream!! Too bad the ice-cream melted really quickly, so much so that the chocolate coat for one of the subsequent ones fell back into the melted chocolate and made it look thick. And THAT was what led to Ms Tan's creation, which stupid blogspot refuses to let me put up, for now. Oh well..

Unbecoming..

Guoxing, thanks for the offer to let me call you in the wee hours of the morning. Even though, I felt better after smsing you and subsequently fell asleep.

It's a bad idea to be really upset till you fall asleep. My head hurts a little now.

Eh Wenwei, I want to play the game you suggested on your blog!

On another note, it's almost O levels. Do hope the sec 5s from CVSS do well this year! Sherwin (in case you ever see this), what's over is over. Ignore your prelim grades and do better for your 'O's! I'm sure your command of English is still as good, even not better than when I first knew you! Good luck! And I do miss you all!

Ah.. and Gek Koon's project is due on Monday! Hope he's more or less done!!

"No dreamz!"

Been saying that to a particular friend very often lately, but I don't think it applies to me. Then again, having dreams may not be a bad thing, at least in my case.

Had a really weird dream last night. My pupil master got back to me regarding a particular piece of research (which doesn't make much sense given that I remember so clearly that that piece of research had nothing to do with langar cases, nor medical negligence ones). Then again, the dream wasn't totally baseless either, as in, throughout the dream, I was very clear that (1) I'm no longer a pupil there and (2) I'm already working elsewhere, ie. where I am now.

In any case, for some reasons or other, I just felt cheered up in my dream. The funniest part was still the dream within a dream. Cause the next scene had me waking up, and the first thing I did was to check my handphone to confirm it was a dream. I guess the only difference was that in the dream, I was not waking up from a dream whereas that wasn't so in real life.

Does one’s opinion change with the flux of time? Perhaps.

The person in the dream actually asked to buy her pupil master lunch. The person in real life probably won’t, even though she really wants to tell her pupil master how much she appreciated having him as her pupil master. Then again, even if she did buy her pupil master lunch, she’ll probably still be too tongue tied at lunch! No wonder, save for the pupil master, the rest of the world thinks she’s scared of her pupil master.

But the dream was a nice change, if only people can choose not to wake up from their dreams! =)

Contradictory

There's this particular radio station that allows people to sms to vote for one out of two songs to be played on the radio at 6 plus almost 7.

For today, the song that I would prefer also happens to be the song that I don't want to hear at the same time. Contradictory huh?

Nevermind, will be having dinner then, so I wouldn't hear it either. Still, I sure hope it wins. Haha..

=)

To the person who had to play the lullaby 5 times yesterday, thank you! I slept (plus fell asleep) earlier than usual yesterday! Too bad, you're not allowed to try that too often, cause it'll not work all the time! =p That said, I don't mind listening to you playing your guitar more often too! (Don't forget your promise! I want to use the song as my ringtone!)

Still, I don't understand why I'm even more sleepy although I slept slightly earlier yesterday.

I'm really much better, but somehow the escapist, distant yet hyper girl that I was is beginning to surface again. Hmm.. And I don't know why, I just had the sudden urge to look at a particular "video" of my graduation last year..

On another note, how many nut cases will be so happy to see an email addressed to Carrot and grin at the sight of "no time to arrange my stationery"? Feels so distant, yet so wonderfully familiar. It's been such a long time since I've addressed Ben as Tomato. Just as what I told Qi-en that day, Ben was the first person in Rodyk (except the partners, of course) to know I might be moving over to Rodyk for my pupillage and I had promised tomato juice then! Yet till now, I haven't had the chance to buy him lunch for being such a fun and nice senior to have around.

Oh, and Adrian smsed last night to say that he's now at IPOS! (My guess was right! I wonder how many of them won) That's like so near here!! Even if I won't really see him around anyway, the thought of having friends nearby just make things seem even brighter!

Thank you!

All these thanking on my blog makes it feel more like the Oscars.. but then again, who cares, right?

Thanks, Citra!! =) (Hope I didn't take up too much of your rest time, given how noisy I was!)

Thanks Wenwei!! (Don't worry so much, you'll just age faster!)

Thanks Gary!! (You drink more warm water too, k?)

Even though I'll NEVER ever say this in real life....

I love you guys!!! =)

For all the rest of those whom I've thanked in this blog too! I really love you all, I really really do!

Beach? Playground? Or anything brainless, anyone?

Anyone game enough for any of the above today?

I just want some mind numbing activities.

Koon, thanks for noticing my sub-nick last night and smsing me. Same goes for Yuting and Weiguang.

And Chee Min too.

Cheerfulness means..

1. Being out with friends who matter to you.

Was out with Jeremy last evening to watch World Trade Centre. Come to think of it, it was a bit of 'forced to', cause if he hadn't offered the lift, I would probably not even consider since I was really really tired. Then again, it could be that the idea of meeting up with Jeremy was a refreshing change from the grind of facing the enemies daily.

Whatever it is, I was really glad to meet up with Jeremy yesterday.

Come to think of it, I haven't seen him since I went up to Legal. Maybe even earlier than that, given his last day was a few days earlier than mine. It's interesting how simple friendships forged over a short period of time can be so much more comforting than the complex human relations build over a longer period. Perhaps there just wasn't any need to make use of one another in order to advance.

In any case, the number of real smiles on my face within those few hours way exceeded any smiles I put up in the office. Seriously, it felt really good! =)

2. Receiving emails from friends who are important to you

Despite his views that he's not good with words, the email from Wenwei the other day was already super sweet.

And then, I received another email from one of my nicest friends today that brought my brain back (after being missing for quite a while) just to type this.

Who says your email is a complaint email? If it were, I wouldn't be smiling as I read it, right? In fact, actually, no matter what you typed, I'll still be super happy to see any personal email from you! haha... I'm easily pleased, can? =)

And of course, this phrase "let's meet up soon, k?? maybe in mid oct...." cheers me up most! Thank you!

3. Looking at the things from people who matter

Ok, this point is not very much a reflection of the past few days. Still, it's mid autumn festival today, and how can I not play with my favourite lantern? Thanks Gek Koon! For spoiling me last year! =) I love that lantern!! =)

******

Ok, time for me to pull Mr Zhou away from harassing Gek Koon! Haha.. and before Mr Lin continues to nag... (yes Mr Lin, you nag!) =)

Ramblings at the end of the day

One of my colleague sitting on the opposite side of the office sent this to me earlier:

"hey, you ok? you look glum... "

Silly as this may sound, I actually found the email nice! =) As I've said earlier (or have I?) I love attention... Haha..

Income Day dinner later. On one hand, I'm glad I won't have to be tortured by having dinner with people I don't want to eat with. On the other hand, my pupil master (or according to Shijie's reminder, should be my ex-pupil master since I'm no longer a pupil) is going, and I'll be really really glad to see my pupil master.

I hate all guys...

With the exception of my friends (read non-colleagues)

One of my good friend sent me this as part of his email:

"so you better hang in there, don't let those nasty people at your workplace affect you! Just let me know if they mistreat you, and I'll help you fix them! (eh, sounds familiar huh? Haha)"

Sounds so big brother-ish huh? Thanks Wenwei! You know, I so disagree with your point about you being selfish or

"You know, if you've any problem, anything u want to talk or complain about, I'll be there too! Might not be of much help at times, but I'll definitely do my best to make ya feel better, alright? =) "

In fact, your email already made me smile after a bad day. Wenwei, xie xie!!

Same goes for Jeremy. When you offered to let me call you to scream, I said that I don't have a habit of screaming over the phone to relieve stress. Yet, you still called me and then proceeded to call me stubborn. Even if I'm stubborn, at least I still know how to feel. In fact, I was super touched too. I'm supposed to be older than you, but you're always the one who'll allow me to lean on when I need, be it in servicing or legal.

That's what differentiates real friends from colleagues. Real friends are the ones who can make me smile even when I feel like hating the whole wide world, or make me real enough to know that I feel like crying even if I refuse to show it. But most importantly, they're the ones who go all out to make sure that you are ok. Thank you! And I love you guys! =)

Letters to some friends

Letters are sometimes the best way to get a point across, especially when there are certain things that you don't feel comfortable saying directly, or when you don't have direct access to the other party. The good thing about blogs is, you can just leave what you want to say to the person, and the person will just read it as and when he/she is able to...

_______________________________________________________________

Dear --- (name omitted to keep identity confidential),

Despite all the positive smses and msn messages, are you sure you are ok? Cause my gut feel tells me that you are just hiding your hurt, but I don't know whether my incessant probing will just worsen the wound, and so, I chose not to until you choose to tell me otherwise.

Still, I'm really glad you trusted me sufficient to sms on Saturday.

However, one sentence left a deep impression, which perhaps, was what sparked off this letter. "I'm sorry, you've been so supportive towards me but I did not listen to your advice." I hope you don't mind me putting up this sentence. You know what? Even if it sounds kind of impolite, I still want to say, "---, stop being silly!"

You see, I never expected you to follow every single thing that I said. That wouldn't be advice, but rather a command. And it wouldn't be from a friend either. For friends are just like supporting pillars, they are there for you to lean on when you need, but they'll not hold a grudge against you should you not listen to them and decide to lean against a decaying tree trunk and later hurt yourself. Even if you do hurt yourself time and again, your friend will still be willing to stretch out a hand and help you stand up again, so long as you are willing to reach out to grab the hand.

Remember what I've told you in one of my smses on Thursday? So long as you know what you are doing, I'll always be there to lend you my moral support. And so long as you need me, I'm always an sms/a phone call away, even if it's some ungodly hours in the morning.

So no more doing silly things like apologising cause you don't have to (Well, unless I tell you specifically so, then that's another story)

On another note, perhaps my words may not count as much as the person who sent you that sms, but still, do not take to heart whatever that sms said. For one thing, I am very sure that you are neither annoying nor unlikeable. Take care, k? Cause I still want to meet up with you and no, I do not want to eat grass! =p

Luv
Yaofang (--> Suddenly remembered the nick I used to use. Can still remember?)

_________________________________________________________________

Dear --- (name once again omitted to keep identity secret),

Even though you don't really mention it, from your blog, I know that you are sometimes still lost after the one supposedly wrong decision that you've made.

Still, after all these years, it's time for you to let go of that regret, and move on in the direction that you think you want to go. You see, no one in the world is perfect. Each of us make wrong moves at one point or another. The wrong move may have caused you a year, but without that supposedly wrong move, a lot of things may now be different. Perhaps you may not be as grateful for the lecturers, friends, and mentors you have now.

Just take me for example. You know that I regretted the decision I made 6 years ago really badly. In fact, there were so many times this year when I was on the verge of breaking down, or even broke down when no one was noticing. Still, if you asked me if things might have been better without that decision, I know I can never say for sure. Without that, would I have done my pupillage in Rodyk? Maybe not, but then again, who knows? One thing for sure though, I'm quite confident I would not have had Christopher as the pupil master whom I, up till now, still respect. It's just the same as, would Siang Pheng have taken notice of this insignificant pupil? Or would Terence be less of the nice big brother and more of the 'tyrant' as the other pupils have described? I wouldn't know. All these are just the same as the RJC/NJC situation. It may have been 'earth-shattering' to have had to switch schools after 3 months, especially for a sentimental person like me. But given the choice now, I wouldn't mind going through that bit of heartache either.

Just like what Kum Fu said in his sms early this year when I was utterly upset with that bitch who took 2 years to reply my email, just move on!

There are many other things around you that you should grasp hold of. You said you have a great mentor, so you ought to take the opportunity to excel! There's no point in saying a lot, wishing a lot, but not getting down to doing it, right? It's just like you've said Leslie Loo and the others are very nice, so what should you do? Work hard to prove to them that you are really as good as you appear to be!

Good luck! =)

Luv
Non-guiny!

______________________________________________________________

Dear Itak,

It's been a week since you've started your new job. How has it been?

Just wanted to say, "Happy 25th Birthday!"

Even if I've said it a million and one times, thank you for being amongst the handful of friends that I trust most and can lean on most often. As I was walking past Peninsula Plaza just now, I was suddenly reminded of you and Darmaji again, and how the two of you would always inevitably be outside that VCD shop watching whatever that's shown, during our breaks. Those were one of the happiest times after I've completed jc. Funny enough, my impression of Darmaji would always be how he made used of my soft toy duck to make me smile when I was feeling down on my last day of work at Power Supply. And you? It was how, on that very same day, you started 'biting' the computer cables to remind us that it was dinner time and that you were hungry. The two of you together were always able to make me smile.

Xie xie, Itak da ge! For all the smiles, and more importantly, for ALWAYS believing in and letting your spoilt brat xiao mei here have her way.

Happy Birthday!

luv
Xiaomei

PS: I hope you liked the present! =)

Lunch/Dinner Appointments that Make a Difference

Was telling a colleague today about how thrilled I'll always be to meet up with my friends.

Despite all that unfounded fears of the return of my manager, things weren't that bad really. And as the day progressed (at least towards mid day), it got better and better. Why? Cause I was supposed to be meeting Wei Shin for lunch!

For obvious reasons, Wei Shin reminds me of Rodyk litigation. About the few times when I was cheered up after my chats in his triangular shaped room. About the time he brought me to court (was that my last time stepping into sub courts as a pupil? Or was the last time with my pupil master?)

Can still remember how thrilled I was when he remembered to bring me to the sub courts. Unlike that stupid JiaRen (Yeek.. What an awful name!) who was scheduled to bring me for don't know how many times, but never once did. Idiot (--> this, by the way, is different from the endearing term that I always use for my dear friends, cause when used on Kia Jeng, it's just a description of disgust). I can still remember that email that I sent when I first heard Wei Shin was leaving, where I ended off with the question "Are you going for CDR on Wednesday?" Wei Shin not only said yes, but also added that he remembers that he is supposed to bring me! Yes, and offered to bring me around sub courts if we had the time. Talk about niceness!

Anyway, back to lunch today, it was really really really nice to see Wei Shin again after such a long time! Oh, and I never ever realised that he was from Chinese Orchestra too! I even commented that yangqin players seem to be super err... gentle(?) soft-spoken(?) judging from him as well as his junior, aka, Michael Tang!

But lunch was fun, simply cause the company was great! Like I've said earlier, I just love eating with my friends. It makes working life a lot more interesting!

Just like my dinner with LiJia last Friday too! Who cares if we didn't watch Lei Yu? Somehow Jia reminds me a lot of Meisi, as in, even though we may not see each other very often, but we can just talk and talk and talk non stop for hours, as if distance/time did not make us strangers. Jia, if you do see this, and one of my earliest entries, thanks for always being my friend even after the very short 3 months we spent studying, playing and gossiping (eg. pufferilla, nespray, amongoeth (?? can't remember spelling)). *hugs*

It's really the smallest matters that make you feel most touched

Just the other day, I was having a MSN conversation with a colleague and the conversation veered towards the sweetest things that we've done for anyone around us. Frankly, I must have been a horrible person, given that I couldn't really think of anything significant that I've done to make anyone really touched. On the other hand, I could think of a million and one things that I've received that made me so awfully touched. To some, it may seem no big deal, but it's really always these small gestures that feels the sweetest.

Ok, I shall get to the point.

It's nice to get nagged at, even if it's nagging cause it shows that someone cares enough to nag. Thanks, Wenwei! Even if your sms specifically stated that you weren't nagging, you were! =)

And, someone else sent me a message on MSN. Just two words "you ok?" was sufficient to make me feel highly touched! Even if I don't foresee the person ever being able to successful nag. =) Seriously though, the attempt is already sufficiently sweet! Especially when I didn't tell you about it either. And especially when you didn't have to either.

Sion Yoong, thank you! Thank you for showing concern this time, and so the other times this year when I would probably have loved to receive some form of concern (http://reveriez.blogspot.com/2006/09/see-saw-its-so-obvious-that-i-havent.html). Hmm... though you might need to work a little harder to nag successfully! =p Anyway, THANK YOU! =)

(PS: Wenwei, thanks for the support for the matter I've just mentioned! Just in case you haven't realised, you're the ONLY person who knows, yah?)

Thank you, Wenwei!!!

When I got home today, I saw a brown envelope waiting for me at the piano. The moment I looked at the handwriting, I muttered to myself... "Should be Wenwei... but.. why would he send me a letter?"

Well... I was right! Here's what I received, that brightened up my day absolutely!

Thank you, Wenwei!!!!! I wasn't really serious when I commented about me not getting any of the clips, so I didn't expect these really really cute clips! In any case, they really really made my day!!!

THANK YOU!!! I LOVE THEM!!!!!! =)

But...

Can I not share them with my sis? Since she didn't ask for them? =) And no... just because I say that you're a great big brother to me does not make me a donkey just like you are!! =p

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Growing up

Whilst chatting with someone on MSN last night, someone made a comment on the smile in my photos. Early that day, in an sms, someone else gave me the impression that he thought I'm unhappy. Somehow, both comments sparked off the idea to collate the various photos of myself within the year:

Somehow, this reminds me so much of the Smile Singapore campaign. Hmm...

Whilst walking towards Xinying's place today, I heard a light hearted song over the radio. With the backpack on my back, I instinctively gave a little skip. And I was suddenly reminded of the following song:

轻轻地打开背包 发现我的行囊是一本年轻的护照

通过了成长的骄傲 投入另一个 天涯海角

装过了多少希望 装过多少惆怅 像一张岁月的邮票

把自己寄给明天 背着旧愁新情不断地寻找

我那穿过风花雪月的年少

我那驼着岁月的背包

我的青春梦里落花知多少

寂寞旅途谁明了

曾经为你痴狂多少泪和笑曾经无怨无悔的浪潮

我的流浪路上几多云和树只有背包陪着我奔跑

All of a sudden, my mind wandered towards a certain scene where a 11+ year old girl was skipping up the slight slope beside Father's house towards the Nativity Church on her way home, all the while humming that song. I don't know why such a trivial memory stuck, but it sure did.

Along the way, as each of us grow up, things that used to be simpler now became complicated. Problems that never used to cross our minds now occupy a important position in our lives. Just like how the things you talk about have changed over the years. Everyone seems to be bogged down by their own problems, and what used to be mindless banter has now turned into encouragement sessions, to egg each other on to face another day.

Not that it's necessary bad either. But I wouldn't mind having time pass a little slower, slow enough for each of us to smell the flowers. Then again, if given more time, would we really take the time to appreciate? I doubt so.

Just as, I didn't visit Meisi today, in the end. Some sort of friend I am huh? After thinking for so long, I still lack the guts to propel myself down today. What's the point of thinking only, if you cannot put actions to thoughts? It'll be as good as a colleague whom some others I know have described as "all talk and no action".

In any case, Meisi, here's a really old song that probably came out when we were in Secondary 1, and which I would really love to dedicate to you:

《生日礼物》

心中有一束花

是我青春的那棵芽

浇过泪水绽放着微笑慢慢张大

陪你度过阳光和小雨

陪你走过悲伤和甜蜜

现在我将它永远种在你心房

永远有一句话

写在岁月的旅途上

用那真情雕塑的光阴让你珍藏

不管未来需要多少年

不管期盼还有多遥远

现在我将它深深刻在你心田

每个人都拥有祝福

每个生日都有礼物

如果没有昨日的知己

明天的梦依然孤独

无论你有多少个愿望

不论你有多少个梦想

我的礼物是我的心

陪着你成长

Happy 24th Birthday, Meisi!