Food again..

Potato once commented how dressing in a more presentable manner was necessary when meeting up with friends because it was a show of respect. I guess that's true in a way, since I always tend to be awfully late for work on days when I am meeting up with sufficiently important friends, or how I'll put on contact lenses despite a severe lack of sleep (not a result of work, of course).

In any case, the only things pulling me to work today was the thought of lunch with Stephen and Tony as well as dinner with Weiguang. As pathetic as it sounds, yes, this is really what drags me to work and keeps me going nowadays. No wonder I'm turning from fat to fatter! Hah!

If only the AMC were this week, then I could have had a longer lunch with Stephen and Tony, and sneak off with them to get bubble tea (It's supposed to be somewhere nearer Rochor branch, where they are at now although Stephen is coming back to HQ when he's back from Korea!) Sometimes, it's really not the food that matters. Just like, I don't necessary think I do love bubble tea that much. The point is running off to have bubble tea with friends. It's just like how I don't mind having to wait for the 2 guys whilst they (or rather Tony only) get done with servicing. So what if I risk getting breathed down my neck? It's not like my manager, or the other colleagues go for strictly one hour lunch only anyway. (Oh dear, I do hope the matters typed here are not being audited..)

Back to dinner. This time, it's back to Purvis Street although we had some Hainanese food today. Interestingly, even though we had chicken rice balls, I don't remember us ordering any chicken!

Somehow I think the lady serving us must be amused/amazed at how the 2 of us can actually finish 4 dishes within a short span of time. Especially when even I am amused by our eating capability! Then again, it's soo normal when having meals with dinner with either Weiguang or Gary, I think.. Haha..

Talking about my dinner companion. Unfortunately for you, I did manage to get a photo of you!

A smiling Randall looks so different from the expressionless one. Even if you think I'm exaggerating, you really look much better with that smile on your face. That's why my obsession with talking smiling photos of you. So smile more often, k? (And no, that's NOT mothering.. haha)

And finally, the snacks that Mr Tan bought for me!!!

I love them!!! Thank You!!

Even though I love Hei Bai Pei, it really doesn't mean you have to buy that for me all the time! Still... I really really love it!!! Thank you so much!!! =)

Grandmother's Birthday

In between the numerous meeting up with people, it was also grandmother's birthday. Somehow, Wai Po's birthday has always been associated with exams, cause it would always inevitably fall during the exam period.

This year, I was still dreading the thought of Huimin's mum bugging me about my most sensitive topic, ie. work and pay. Her braggy character would be too much a test to my impatience (especially after I've started working here.. As I've told Mr Tan, bitchiness can diffuse in air too.. haha) In the end, I spent most of my time playing/entertaining YanLing and BingRui, which wasn't too bad really.

And, what's grandparents' birthday celebration if there's no food? A pity that Wai Po's ankle/foot is injured this year, so Junyan's mum was in charge. Though I still love Wai Po's noodles best, Junyan's mum's food was impressive too! Especially the yam flowers which look as good as they taste!

Meeting up

Contrary to what someone had 'accused' me of, I'm really much more free the past few weeks, so much so that I've been meeting up with quite a significant number of people over the 3 weeks.

First, my almost-akin-to-monthly lunch with Tee Meng. I couldn't remember why I just couldn't be bothered, but I met up with Tee Meng over lunch, despite my manager not being on leave. Although I really can't remember exactly for now, I still vaguely recall being really unwell that day and Tee Meng kindly agreed to go for some soup-ier food ie. fish slices bee hoon. For those who know me well enough, I hate eating fishes in water. However, the food did me loads of good and I was much better immediately after lunch. Or perhaps it was the company I had. I guess the most memorable food for that day was this shanza ice cream shake drink which Tee Meng thought sounded disgusting but which I thought was really nice:

That evening, I had dinner with a certain Mr Tan at *surprise surprise* Waraku again! This is the third time in a row that we met for dinner there. Mr Tan was still as happy with the food, judging from his happy face.

Dessert was at another Japanese restaurant (after we had gone to that Taiwanese snack shop of course) that I had always wanted to enter. And the dessert didn't disappoint either!

Ah... and I was given a really pretty handphone accessory that I absolutely love even though I had problems hanging it to my silly phone.The following Monday was dinner with Vicknesh. It's been a really long while since I've last met him, the last time being the time I fell off the bicycle and had to go for a client meeting the next Monday with significant plasters. This time round, we decided to be adventurous with food (then again, we've always been, given that the last time round, we ate the outer skin of the fruits for our desserts.. haha). This time, we had our dinner at this Turkey restaurant at Chijmes. Somehow, for the entire time we were there, we were the only customers. Then again, it's really not difficult to figure out why. In fact, if anyone wants to go there, you might want to stick to some dish called "Alexander the Great" or something only. Still, they had rather interesting cups! And exotic dishes.

And then, some time last week, it was a long-talked-about dinner with Mingyi. Some things just don't change. Like how we'll always talk about meeting up for lunch or dinner, but only do so a million years later. I can't exactly remember what we chatted about, but I just remember it was fun.

Just in case anyone wonders, nope, those were just desserts (or starters, since they served it before our main course). And I didn't get to take a photo of my dinner companion too! No thanks to my bad memory!

These are just a few of the dinners/lunch I had. There were others too, like with Beatrice and Chee Min, Weiling and the birthday dinner for Weiling and Alex.

With so many dinners, it's no wonder I'm getting fatter!! Argh! But somehow, I don't seem to be really genuinely worried, given that it was still food last weekend when I went over to Malacca.

That's chicken rice in case you are wondering. And to end it off, here's a night view of Malacca from the balcony.

Do I really look happy?

Kia Meng said that today, when asking about work.

It suddenly reminded me of what Jen Wei told Weiling during pupillage. That I'm happy there.

The most ironic thing is, both times, I wasn't. But, I just didn't want to say.

The feeling of depression is gradually setting in, though I've no idea why now. The feeling of just wanting to break down and cry and cry and cry without any reason. Frankly, I'm tired. I'm tired of having to smile to people I hate to the core and would rather stamp on their toes or give them one tight slap. I'm tired of having to be nice to people because I have to and not because I want to. I'm tired of calculating 6% compound interest and deciding what the most appropriate time would be. I'm tired of the fact that I can't take a real break immediately at the end of the work day even though I'm awfully tired in all aspects.

I need a break to shut myself off everyone and everything.

On another note, the highlight of the day was lunch with Terence, Kia Meng and Jen Wei. Even if someone suddenly dumped a piece of work on me (cause both D and he cannot make it) and I was supposed to have a meeting at 2pm. WTH. I don't even care if the other person would make noise if I'm back after 2pm (in any case, I sent him an email wanting to reschedule to 2.30 but for some reasons he didn't seem to have seen it). I really really really cannot be bothered. Lunch was the only thing that helped me survive through the morning and no way am I going to give it up just for some dumb stuff.

Oh, and PF will be relocating to Hong Kong. That's like less than a year after he left R! Still, I'm glad for him! =)

To 'Grandfather'

Dear GX,

Somehow or rather, I don't seem to be able to say the correct words to find out what's wrong.

But I just want to say, "Jia You, GX!"

And.. you know if you ever need a friend, I'll always be a phone call/sms away.

luv

Fang

Distance makes the heart grow fonder

Or does it?

As people begin to stay apart, their common topics gradually decrease. Slowly, they run out of things to talk about. Then, not wanting to face the awkwardness, they tend to stay away from each other and so the vicious cycle continues.

Sometimes I really wonder how true this phrase is.

Then again, if you look at it from another point of view, two people who have not met each other for a long while continue to stay apart. What remains would be the fond memories of the time spent with each other. As one reminisces those days, one would normally end up lamenting about the "good old times". Everything remains as pretty, so long as everything stays intact (including the distance). One change, and the fragile calm may suddenly be shattered.

It's just like how people tend to be more tolerant of those they don't normally see. Precisely because they don't see each other often, they have a higher limit of tolerance.

Frankly, I don't know and really don't feel like figuring out tonight.

Still remember the shell analogy I used in some letter to Qiuting? I feel like building it again. This time, just hiding myself in it.

Oh another note, I'm glad the package I sent reached the intended owner finally =)

And Itak is once again in Singapore. He actually bought whatever he promised me, even though I told him it wasn't necessary. =)

I think..

Before I make any more new friends, perhaps I should learn to treasure the ones I have first. And at least make an effort to know them better.

Ignore me.. It's just an effect I have after chancing upon a friend's blog yesterday.

On another note, I saw Meisi online! She didn't type anything back. But her brother (at least I think so..) said she said "ok" when I said we'll chat on MSN again someday. I know we'll be able to do that again, Meisi. Jia you!

The lost feeling continues ever since it started yesterday.

Pushover

Over dinner today, I made a comment that Gary agreed with. The fiercest person always wins.

I couldn't help recalling something that Sarah commented about a teacher of hers, and then linked on to me. Am I a pushover? Perhaps no in some aspects, but yes, in quite a few more too.

It's time I stop being a pushover at all, especially when I'm situated in enemy territory.

It's so obvious the little pawn here will be shoved off elsewhere. Eeeeeeeeediots

PS: Just can't help but think it necessary to note my attire to work today. No skirt! Just ask my schoolmates how rare that is! Haha..

******

Some photos of Gary looking a bit deliriously happy.. Haha..

A rare moment that Mr Chan is nice, but then, it's most likely because he was too lazy to get another knife!

Network

There was a sentence in an article in today's 'my paper' that mentioned a research by Stanford University that revealed that 12.5% of a person's wealth came from that person's knowledge whilst the remainder 87.5% was dependant upon human relations.

Perhaps that's one tiring thing about growing up.

When we were younger, all the 'don't friend you' and stuff were such common occurences. It was no big deal if you hear it so many times a day (although to a kid, it was a whole lot of deal!) Slowly, the sound of all these 'don't friend you' died down, though it did not necessary mean that you still tried to live (ok, or maybe study) harmoniously with the others. Then came life university (ie. work) where you learnt how things are not necessary what they seem, and the best of way of protecting yourself is, interestingly, to have as large a network as possible.

Though that doesn't necessary mean that you have more friends. Simply because network is not necessary equivalent to friends.

When talking about networking, the first person that came to my mind was the HCB (refer to Gary for the meaning.. haha) sitting near me. A all-talk-no-action yeee-diot who's greatest strength in life is probably networking. That suits him fine too, because from the look of it, he doesn't suffer much from his eee-diocy.

Which is no wonder why Caroline asked me to join them for the trip to Batam (which I am going for). Actually, without the possibility of Itak's offer to bring me around, I would be way more hesistant. Then again, like what some had said, it's just 1 night, I won't die of that. If all else fails, just stick to smiling =)

Perhaps short term networking is not as tough as really maintaining a friendship. Was immersed in the fictitious world of a particular book the last 2 days. A book that at the beginning reminded me of a person and made me rethink certain thoughts. Yet, at the end of the day, I've finally noticed the obvious difference between the characters in the book and the people in real life. For one thing at least, no matter where they were, they would always be keeping in touch, and be genuinely concerned about their friend. Unlike real life.

Still, interestingly, it doesn't really matter to me.

Lijia made a comment today, something to the effect of friendster and my friends. Jia, if you are referring to the testimonials, I'll just say, testimonials are never a true reflection, at least not when both parties write for each other. It's different from our school testimonials since we don't write our teachers' testimonials (err... right, teachers?) =)

The 'delinquent'

Once again, I feel so much like a delinquent today.

Then again, who cares, since I had a rather enjoyable day today!

Somehow I still think that when things get really really good, something bad will occur. Just as when things are really really bad, there's no other direction to go, but to take a turn for the better. Perhaps the unhappiness for the week was the consideration for the 'treat' yesterday and today.

Itak told me yesterday afternoon that he would be coming to Singapore last night because of the Australian study fair this weekend. Why would I decline the invitation to tag along?

And so, after being late for quite a significant amount of time (not my fault, the two of them didn't reply my sms on whether they had gotten up or not, and in any case, I think they woke up late) we spent the whole day really walking around. Itak is still very much the big brother, and Edi was highly fun to be with too. In the midst of the day, Itak's senior dropped by too, but rushed back to Batam within a few hours.

In any case, it was really tiring, but it also made my day..

Friday the 13th...
I've always looked forward to Friday the 13th, ever since I had my Primary 6 English prelims on a Friday the 13th. Somehow or rather, it normally would end up being a happy day for me, and thus, I would always relish it whenever it came up.

That is till early in the morning. In fact, I thought the day would be a really horrid one. Thankfully, it wasn't so right till the end.

Firstly, I finally figured one website that I wanted to use, that wasn't blocked by some ultra dumb people. Thanks to that too, I got wind of a news that brightened up the evening.

And of course, given that I didn't really want to come home too early, I met up with Peiqi.

My belated children's day present! Just in case the contents are not seen clearly, there's biscuits, sweets (there's one sweet that I think happens to be the one that LwW likes!), chocolates, clips (similar to what a certain Mr Lin bought for me), cute mechanical pencils, a pen and some art&craft thing. Thanks Peiqi!! =)

We had our dinner at PastaMania:

After which we adjourned to Haagen Daaz for our fondue:

Just look at how happy and proud Ms Tan is of her chocolate coated ice-cream!! Too bad the ice-cream melted really quickly, so much so that the chocolate coat for one of the subsequent ones fell back into the melted chocolate and made it look thick. And THAT was what led to Ms Tan's creation, which stupid blogspot refuses to let me put up, for now. Oh well..

Unbecoming..

Guoxing, thanks for the offer to let me call you in the wee hours of the morning. Even though, I felt better after smsing you and subsequently fell asleep.

It's a bad idea to be really upset till you fall asleep. My head hurts a little now.

Eh Wenwei, I want to play the game you suggested on your blog!

On another note, it's almost O levels. Do hope the sec 5s from CVSS do well this year! Sherwin (in case you ever see this), what's over is over. Ignore your prelim grades and do better for your 'O's! I'm sure your command of English is still as good, even not better than when I first knew you! Good luck! And I do miss you all!

Ah.. and Gek Koon's project is due on Monday! Hope he's more or less done!!

"No dreamz!"

Been saying that to a particular friend very often lately, but I don't think it applies to me. Then again, having dreams may not be a bad thing, at least in my case.

Had a really weird dream last night. My pupil master got back to me regarding a particular piece of research (which doesn't make much sense given that I remember so clearly that that piece of research had nothing to do with langar cases, nor medical negligence ones). Then again, the dream wasn't totally baseless either, as in, throughout the dream, I was very clear that (1) I'm no longer a pupil there and (2) I'm already working elsewhere, ie. where I am now.

In any case, for some reasons or other, I just felt cheered up in my dream. The funniest part was still the dream within a dream. Cause the next scene had me waking up, and the first thing I did was to check my handphone to confirm it was a dream. I guess the only difference was that in the dream, I was not waking up from a dream whereas that wasn't so in real life.

Does one’s opinion change with the flux of time? Perhaps.

The person in the dream actually asked to buy her pupil master lunch. The person in real life probably won’t, even though she really wants to tell her pupil master how much she appreciated having him as her pupil master. Then again, even if she did buy her pupil master lunch, she’ll probably still be too tongue tied at lunch! No wonder, save for the pupil master, the rest of the world thinks she’s scared of her pupil master.

But the dream was a nice change, if only people can choose not to wake up from their dreams! =)

Contradictory

There's this particular radio station that allows people to sms to vote for one out of two songs to be played on the radio at 6 plus almost 7.

For today, the song that I would prefer also happens to be the song that I don't want to hear at the same time. Contradictory huh?

Nevermind, will be having dinner then, so I wouldn't hear it either. Still, I sure hope it wins. Haha..

=)

To the person who had to play the lullaby 5 times yesterday, thank you! I slept (plus fell asleep) earlier than usual yesterday! Too bad, you're not allowed to try that too often, cause it'll not work all the time! =p That said, I don't mind listening to you playing your guitar more often too! (Don't forget your promise! I want to use the song as my ringtone!)

Still, I don't understand why I'm even more sleepy although I slept slightly earlier yesterday.

I'm really much better, but somehow the escapist, distant yet hyper girl that I was is beginning to surface again. Hmm.. And I don't know why, I just had the sudden urge to look at a particular "video" of my graduation last year..

On another note, how many nut cases will be so happy to see an email addressed to Carrot and grin at the sight of "no time to arrange my stationery"? Feels so distant, yet so wonderfully familiar. It's been such a long time since I've addressed Ben as Tomato. Just as what I told Qi-en that day, Ben was the first person in Rodyk (except the partners, of course) to know I might be moving over to Rodyk for my pupillage and I had promised tomato juice then! Yet till now, I haven't had the chance to buy him lunch for being such a fun and nice senior to have around.

Oh, and Adrian smsed last night to say that he's now at IPOS! (My guess was right! I wonder how many of them won) That's like so near here!! Even if I won't really see him around anyway, the thought of having friends nearby just make things seem even brighter!

Thank you!

All these thanking on my blog makes it feel more like the Oscars.. but then again, who cares, right?

Thanks, Citra!! =) (Hope I didn't take up too much of your rest time, given how noisy I was!)

Thanks Wenwei!! (Don't worry so much, you'll just age faster!)

Thanks Gary!! (You drink more warm water too, k?)

Even though I'll NEVER ever say this in real life....

I love you guys!!! =)

For all the rest of those whom I've thanked in this blog too! I really love you all, I really really do!

Beach? Playground? Or anything brainless, anyone?

Anyone game enough for any of the above today?

I just want some mind numbing activities.

Koon, thanks for noticing my sub-nick last night and smsing me. Same goes for Yuting and Weiguang.

And Chee Min too.

Cheerfulness means..

1. Being out with friends who matter to you.

Was out with Jeremy last evening to watch World Trade Centre. Come to think of it, it was a bit of 'forced to', cause if he hadn't offered the lift, I would probably not even consider since I was really really tired. Then again, it could be that the idea of meeting up with Jeremy was a refreshing change from the grind of facing the enemies daily.

Whatever it is, I was really glad to meet up with Jeremy yesterday.

Come to think of it, I haven't seen him since I went up to Legal. Maybe even earlier than that, given his last day was a few days earlier than mine. It's interesting how simple friendships forged over a short period of time can be so much more comforting than the complex human relations build over a longer period. Perhaps there just wasn't any need to make use of one another in order to advance.

In any case, the number of real smiles on my face within those few hours way exceeded any smiles I put up in the office. Seriously, it felt really good! =)

2. Receiving emails from friends who are important to you

Despite his views that he's not good with words, the email from Wenwei the other day was already super sweet.

And then, I received another email from one of my nicest friends today that brought my brain back (after being missing for quite a while) just to type this.

Who says your email is a complaint email? If it were, I wouldn't be smiling as I read it, right? In fact, actually, no matter what you typed, I'll still be super happy to see any personal email from you! haha... I'm easily pleased, can? =)

And of course, this phrase "let's meet up soon, k?? maybe in mid oct...." cheers me up most! Thank you!

3. Looking at the things from people who matter

Ok, this point is not very much a reflection of the past few days. Still, it's mid autumn festival today, and how can I not play with my favourite lantern? Thanks Gek Koon! For spoiling me last year! =) I love that lantern!! =)

******

Ok, time for me to pull Mr Zhou away from harassing Gek Koon! Haha.. and before Mr Lin continues to nag... (yes Mr Lin, you nag!) =)

Ramblings at the end of the day

One of my colleague sitting on the opposite side of the office sent this to me earlier:

"hey, you ok? you look glum... "

Silly as this may sound, I actually found the email nice! =) As I've said earlier (or have I?) I love attention... Haha..

Income Day dinner later. On one hand, I'm glad I won't have to be tortured by having dinner with people I don't want to eat with. On the other hand, my pupil master (or according to Shijie's reminder, should be my ex-pupil master since I'm no longer a pupil) is going, and I'll be really really glad to see my pupil master.

I hate all guys...

With the exception of my friends (read non-colleagues)

One of my good friend sent me this as part of his email:

"so you better hang in there, don't let those nasty people at your workplace affect you! Just let me know if they mistreat you, and I'll help you fix them! (eh, sounds familiar huh? Haha)"

Sounds so big brother-ish huh? Thanks Wenwei! You know, I so disagree with your point about you being selfish or

"You know, if you've any problem, anything u want to talk or complain about, I'll be there too! Might not be of much help at times, but I'll definitely do my best to make ya feel better, alright? =) "

In fact, your email already made me smile after a bad day. Wenwei, xie xie!!

Same goes for Jeremy. When you offered to let me call you to scream, I said that I don't have a habit of screaming over the phone to relieve stress. Yet, you still called me and then proceeded to call me stubborn. Even if I'm stubborn, at least I still know how to feel. In fact, I was super touched too. I'm supposed to be older than you, but you're always the one who'll allow me to lean on when I need, be it in servicing or legal.

That's what differentiates real friends from colleagues. Real friends are the ones who can make me smile even when I feel like hating the whole wide world, or make me real enough to know that I feel like crying even if I refuse to show it. But most importantly, they're the ones who go all out to make sure that you are ok. Thank you! And I love you guys! =)

Letters to some friends

Letters are sometimes the best way to get a point across, especially when there are certain things that you don't feel comfortable saying directly, or when you don't have direct access to the other party. The good thing about blogs is, you can just leave what you want to say to the person, and the person will just read it as and when he/she is able to...

_______________________________________________________________

Dear --- (name omitted to keep identity confidential),

Despite all the positive smses and msn messages, are you sure you are ok? Cause my gut feel tells me that you are just hiding your hurt, but I don't know whether my incessant probing will just worsen the wound, and so, I chose not to until you choose to tell me otherwise.

Still, I'm really glad you trusted me sufficient to sms on Saturday.

However, one sentence left a deep impression, which perhaps, was what sparked off this letter. "I'm sorry, you've been so supportive towards me but I did not listen to your advice." I hope you don't mind me putting up this sentence. You know what? Even if it sounds kind of impolite, I still want to say, "---, stop being silly!"

You see, I never expected you to follow every single thing that I said. That wouldn't be advice, but rather a command. And it wouldn't be from a friend either. For friends are just like supporting pillars, they are there for you to lean on when you need, but they'll not hold a grudge against you should you not listen to them and decide to lean against a decaying tree trunk and later hurt yourself. Even if you do hurt yourself time and again, your friend will still be willing to stretch out a hand and help you stand up again, so long as you are willing to reach out to grab the hand.

Remember what I've told you in one of my smses on Thursday? So long as you know what you are doing, I'll always be there to lend you my moral support. And so long as you need me, I'm always an sms/a phone call away, even if it's some ungodly hours in the morning.

So no more doing silly things like apologising cause you don't have to (Well, unless I tell you specifically so, then that's another story)

On another note, perhaps my words may not count as much as the person who sent you that sms, but still, do not take to heart whatever that sms said. For one thing, I am very sure that you are neither annoying nor unlikeable. Take care, k? Cause I still want to meet up with you and no, I do not want to eat grass! =p

Luv
Yaofang (--> Suddenly remembered the nick I used to use. Can still remember?)

_________________________________________________________________

Dear --- (name once again omitted to keep identity secret),

Even though you don't really mention it, from your blog, I know that you are sometimes still lost after the one supposedly wrong decision that you've made.

Still, after all these years, it's time for you to let go of that regret, and move on in the direction that you think you want to go. You see, no one in the world is perfect. Each of us make wrong moves at one point or another. The wrong move may have caused you a year, but without that supposedly wrong move, a lot of things may now be different. Perhaps you may not be as grateful for the lecturers, friends, and mentors you have now.

Just take me for example. You know that I regretted the decision I made 6 years ago really badly. In fact, there were so many times this year when I was on the verge of breaking down, or even broke down when no one was noticing. Still, if you asked me if things might have been better without that decision, I know I can never say for sure. Without that, would I have done my pupillage in Rodyk? Maybe not, but then again, who knows? One thing for sure though, I'm quite confident I would not have had Christopher as the pupil master whom I, up till now, still respect. It's just the same as, would Siang Pheng have taken notice of this insignificant pupil? Or would Terence be less of the nice big brother and more of the 'tyrant' as the other pupils have described? I wouldn't know. All these are just the same as the RJC/NJC situation. It may have been 'earth-shattering' to have had to switch schools after 3 months, especially for a sentimental person like me. But given the choice now, I wouldn't mind going through that bit of heartache either.

Just like what Kum Fu said in his sms early this year when I was utterly upset with that bitch who took 2 years to reply my email, just move on!

There are many other things around you that you should grasp hold of. You said you have a great mentor, so you ought to take the opportunity to excel! There's no point in saying a lot, wishing a lot, but not getting down to doing it, right? It's just like you've said Leslie Loo and the others are very nice, so what should you do? Work hard to prove to them that you are really as good as you appear to be!

Good luck! =)

Luv
Non-guiny!

______________________________________________________________

Dear Itak,

It's been a week since you've started your new job. How has it been?

Just wanted to say, "Happy 25th Birthday!"

Even if I've said it a million and one times, thank you for being amongst the handful of friends that I trust most and can lean on most often. As I was walking past Peninsula Plaza just now, I was suddenly reminded of you and Darmaji again, and how the two of you would always inevitably be outside that VCD shop watching whatever that's shown, during our breaks. Those were one of the happiest times after I've completed jc. Funny enough, my impression of Darmaji would always be how he made used of my soft toy duck to make me smile when I was feeling down on my last day of work at Power Supply. And you? It was how, on that very same day, you started 'biting' the computer cables to remind us that it was dinner time and that you were hungry. The two of you together were always able to make me smile.

Xie xie, Itak da ge! For all the smiles, and more importantly, for ALWAYS believing in and letting your spoilt brat xiao mei here have her way.

Happy Birthday!

luv
Xiaomei

PS: I hope you liked the present! =)

Lunch/Dinner Appointments that Make a Difference

Was telling a colleague today about how thrilled I'll always be to meet up with my friends.

Despite all that unfounded fears of the return of my manager, things weren't that bad really. And as the day progressed (at least towards mid day), it got better and better. Why? Cause I was supposed to be meeting Wei Shin for lunch!

For obvious reasons, Wei Shin reminds me of Rodyk litigation. About the few times when I was cheered up after my chats in his triangular shaped room. About the time he brought me to court (was that my last time stepping into sub courts as a pupil? Or was the last time with my pupil master?)

Can still remember how thrilled I was when he remembered to bring me to the sub courts. Unlike that stupid JiaRen (Yeek.. What an awful name!) who was scheduled to bring me for don't know how many times, but never once did. Idiot (--> this, by the way, is different from the endearing term that I always use for my dear friends, cause when used on Kia Jeng, it's just a description of disgust). I can still remember that email that I sent when I first heard Wei Shin was leaving, where I ended off with the question "Are you going for CDR on Wednesday?" Wei Shin not only said yes, but also added that he remembers that he is supposed to bring me! Yes, and offered to bring me around sub courts if we had the time. Talk about niceness!

Anyway, back to lunch today, it was really really really nice to see Wei Shin again after such a long time! Oh, and I never ever realised that he was from Chinese Orchestra too! I even commented that yangqin players seem to be super err... gentle(?) soft-spoken(?) judging from him as well as his junior, aka, Michael Tang!

But lunch was fun, simply cause the company was great! Like I've said earlier, I just love eating with my friends. It makes working life a lot more interesting!

Just like my dinner with LiJia last Friday too! Who cares if we didn't watch Lei Yu? Somehow Jia reminds me a lot of Meisi, as in, even though we may not see each other very often, but we can just talk and talk and talk non stop for hours, as if distance/time did not make us strangers. Jia, if you do see this, and one of my earliest entries, thanks for always being my friend even after the very short 3 months we spent studying, playing and gossiping (eg. pufferilla, nespray, amongoeth (?? can't remember spelling)). *hugs*

It's really the smallest matters that make you feel most touched

Just the other day, I was having a MSN conversation with a colleague and the conversation veered towards the sweetest things that we've done for anyone around us. Frankly, I must have been a horrible person, given that I couldn't really think of anything significant that I've done to make anyone really touched. On the other hand, I could think of a million and one things that I've received that made me so awfully touched. To some, it may seem no big deal, but it's really always these small gestures that feels the sweetest.

Ok, I shall get to the point.

It's nice to get nagged at, even if it's nagging cause it shows that someone cares enough to nag. Thanks, Wenwei! Even if your sms specifically stated that you weren't nagging, you were! =)

And, someone else sent me a message on MSN. Just two words "you ok?" was sufficient to make me feel highly touched! Even if I don't foresee the person ever being able to successful nag. =) Seriously though, the attempt is already sufficiently sweet! Especially when I didn't tell you about it either. And especially when you didn't have to either.

Sion Yoong, thank you! Thank you for showing concern this time, and so the other times this year when I would probably have loved to receive some form of concern (http://reveriez.blogspot.com/2006/09/see-saw-its-so-obvious-that-i-havent.html). Hmm... though you might need to work a little harder to nag successfully! =p Anyway, THANK YOU! =)

(PS: Wenwei, thanks for the support for the matter I've just mentioned! Just in case you haven't realised, you're the ONLY person who knows, yah?)

Thank you, Wenwei!!!

When I got home today, I saw a brown envelope waiting for me at the piano. The moment I looked at the handwriting, I muttered to myself... "Should be Wenwei... but.. why would he send me a letter?"

Well... I was right! Here's what I received, that brightened up my day absolutely!

Thank you, Wenwei!!!!! I wasn't really serious when I commented about me not getting any of the clips, so I didn't expect these really really cute clips! In any case, they really really made my day!!!

THANK YOU!!! I LOVE THEM!!!!!! =)

But...

Can I not share them with my sis? Since she didn't ask for them? =) And no... just because I say that you're a great big brother to me does not make me a donkey just like you are!! =p

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Growing up

Whilst chatting with someone on MSN last night, someone made a comment on the smile in my photos. Early that day, in an sms, someone else gave me the impression that he thought I'm unhappy. Somehow, both comments sparked off the idea to collate the various photos of myself within the year:

Somehow, this reminds me so much of the Smile Singapore campaign. Hmm...

Whilst walking towards Xinying's place today, I heard a light hearted song over the radio. With the backpack on my back, I instinctively gave a little skip. And I was suddenly reminded of the following song:

轻轻地打开背包 发现我的行囊是一本年轻的护照

通过了成长的骄傲 投入另一个 天涯海角

装过了多少希望 装过多少惆怅 像一张岁月的邮票

把自己寄给明天 背着旧愁新情不断地寻找

我那穿过风花雪月的年少

我那驼着岁月的背包

我的青春梦里落花知多少

寂寞旅途谁明了

曾经为你痴狂多少泪和笑曾经无怨无悔的浪潮

我的流浪路上几多云和树只有背包陪着我奔跑

All of a sudden, my mind wandered towards a certain scene where a 11+ year old girl was skipping up the slight slope beside Father's house towards the Nativity Church on her way home, all the while humming that song. I don't know why such a trivial memory stuck, but it sure did.

Along the way, as each of us grow up, things that used to be simpler now became complicated. Problems that never used to cross our minds now occupy a important position in our lives. Just like how the things you talk about have changed over the years. Everyone seems to be bogged down by their own problems, and what used to be mindless banter has now turned into encouragement sessions, to egg each other on to face another day.

Not that it's necessary bad either. But I wouldn't mind having time pass a little slower, slow enough for each of us to smell the flowers. Then again, if given more time, would we really take the time to appreciate? I doubt so.

Just as, I didn't visit Meisi today, in the end. Some sort of friend I am huh? After thinking for so long, I still lack the guts to propel myself down today. What's the point of thinking only, if you cannot put actions to thoughts? It'll be as good as a colleague whom some others I know have described as "all talk and no action".

In any case, Meisi, here's a really old song that probably came out when we were in Secondary 1, and which I would really love to dedicate to you:

《生日礼物》

心中有一束花

是我青春的那棵芽

浇过泪水绽放着微笑慢慢张大

陪你度过阳光和小雨

陪你走过悲伤和甜蜜

现在我将它永远种在你心房

永远有一句话

写在岁月的旅途上

用那真情雕塑的光阴让你珍藏

不管未来需要多少年

不管期盼还有多遥远

现在我将它深深刻在你心田

每个人都拥有祝福

每个生日都有礼物

如果没有昨日的知己

明天的梦依然孤独

无论你有多少个愿望

不论你有多少个梦想

我的礼物是我的心

陪着你成长

Happy 24th Birthday, Meisi!

Moving on..

Is it a sign of having grown up when one is no longer as badly affected by changes?

Yesterday was Teresa's last day. The tinge of regret, wishing time would pass more slowly, was faint, at best. Perhaps having one more ally in a strangely unsettling place feels good.

Come to think of it, I can't really remember what I felt on my last day. How did it feel when I would no longer be my pupil master's pupil? The only thing I remembered most clearly was still the things that Siang Pheng said to me, and how touched I was by his simple gesture. And how disappointed I was, that my pupil master didn't even say a single thing.

I guess I'm still very proud that Christopher was my pupil master. Yes, even if he's not that well known. He's still my pupil master.

When Irene told me Chris was going for the Income Day dinner, a thought occurred to me. I should have accepted the invitation, just so that I can see my pupil master again. And then, it dawned upon me, that V being the big mouth, might just blabber off something not quite right. And the bitch, would she tell V what happened during one part of the pupillage? I shudder to think.

Before I digress even further..

Perhaps one reason why I didn't feel that affected by Teresa's departure was cause of my dinner appointment that night. The present that I had prepared, but was so worried of mailing out lest it gets lost, would now find itself in the hands of the rightful owner. In any case, I hope you liked that present, da ge!

Somehow, even the chat with Itak seemed to revolve around moving on. One thing Itak said that struck me was.. "If you keep holding on to the money in case something happens, aren't you just waiting for something to happen?"

You know, for all the advices given to me, yours just somehow had the greatest impact.

Thanks Itak da ge, for always dishing out advice in a palatable manner.. Sometimes, you're also good at noticing things, just as when you said how sometimes we get opinion to reaffirm what we think. At the end of the day, the opinions received may just end up confusing us even further.

If opinions serve only to confuse, close your eyes and think through where you would want to see yourself in in future. Nothing is absolutely certain, but I certainly would love to see my friends doing what they like instead of pushing themselves on in a field that they're not that keen on, just for the sake of pushing on. Just as, yes, some people might have already have a headstart early in life, but that doesn't mean that you can't do as well. If you have a passion for something, I'm sure you would put your entire heart and soul to it too.

And even if you do lose your way in the midst, your friends are still willing to provide the bulb to light up your path too. Never mind what others say, just think it through carefully, and make an informed decision. Whatever decision it is, I'll definitely provide my utmost support! =)

Yesterday was Darmaji and Alan's birthday. Happy belated birthday, my 2 big brothers!! =)

It was really nice to hear from Darmaji again, thanks to Itak for giving me his cousin's number. Better make sure you do remember to call when you're in Singapore, I'm definitely game enough to buy you dinner!

Meisi's birthday tomorrow. Should I cancel one tuition to visit her? [I should have cancelled that Taiwan family's tuition, since they're so irritating] Actually, I'm just hesistant cause I'm still unable to leave the hospital without letting my mood plunge to an all time low. Meisi, would you realise that in a few hours time, you would be officially 24 years old? I wonder what your birthday wish would be...

Oh, and Sham should have left for UK last night.

Perhaps... moving on is, but inevitable.

[PS (to Guoxing): Somehow, I've only just noticed your comments for your birthday entry a few days ago. =) Considering how much you sounded like you love having your name announced all over my blog, I shall.. try my best to grant that wish.. Haha..]

The Complexity of Human Relations

How do you determine who's friend and who's not at work?

Just yesterday (I mean Tuesday, of course), two colleagues of mine supposedly had some disagreements. Though I had no idea what it was about, it was obvious that both were unhappy with the other. But, both of them are my closer colleagues, you see, so whatever they thought about the other, it's still not right for me to take sides.

Unlike some people I know, who always seems to side someone else, who doesn't bother to hear my side of the story first. Then again, who cares. Cause the person is but a mere acquaintance. Besides, as arrogant as this sound, I hate people coming from the school that the person being sided with comes from.

Anyway, back to my initial topic.

It's irritating how your opinion about a person changes when you truly start working with him. Years ago, my impression of someone was 'nice'. Fast forward till today, I realise, I am, but a mere pawn. Perhaps an easy to manouveur one too.

Perhaps what I had typed in an entry earlier this year regarding colleagues continues to remain true.

The scary thing is, even though I'm not very happy with these nonsense. I'm no longer that affected anymore. To say that I am totally unaffected would be to tell a lie. But seriously, it no longer matter that much anymore.

Since my mum said having my computer at that angle is supposed bad fengshui, and after having a slight crappy day, I decided to have a mini overhaul of my work station:

So now, my table looks even neater than before. If I push my keyboard over when I'm not writing, the computer terminal is even less angular. My back is still to the partition. All supposedly better fengshui position. And, as can be seen really clearly, there's my biscuit in front, my photo... and the LTH newspaper article.. (ok, I mean LTH photo). Basically, it looks prettier now, right? =)

Of course, despite a crappy day at work, the day ended off perfectly! First, I had dinner with my sis, something that I haven't had the chance to do in a really long while. Then, I bumped into Gary(!!!!) and his friend =) And finally, the highlight of the day... I received an unexpected sms!! Itak da ge in Singapore!! As I told Citra, I don't mind having to go through another bad day if things could be as perfectly nice as how it ended today!!!

I'm so glad to have Itak da ge in Singapore and I'm so looking forward to meeting up with him! =)

5 Things to be Happy About -- 19 Sept 2006

A few weeks ago, I typed half an entry on the things I'm grateful for. In a way, listing them out one by one would remind me that no matter how bad things are, there's always something to look forward to. The entry was never completed basically because I was sleepy and too brain dead to type a coherent entry. This time round though, I shall quit being so ambitious, and stick to listing things that make me happy for the day. Well, at least, reminding myself of what makes me happy does prolong the happy effect too...

(1) Gek Koon's package! It's been so many days, and although the thrilled effect has more or less worn off, there's still glimpses of cheeriness at the thought of the package. It's not the thing that counts, but rather, the thought, and the friendship. In a way, I'm still very much of an attention seeker, I guess. I like the feeling of being showered concern, and so every little bit of unexpected concern that I get is sufficient to last me a long long time!

(2) Page 40 of yesterday's TODAY papers!! If you can't figure out what it is, then too bad! =p When I first saw that page, I was so excited I was basically exclaiming to Irene. I guess she was rather amuse, but hey, he's part of one huge part of my childhood memory. I guess I was a bit crazy to flip to that page, and then look at it whilst working, when I was feeling really drowsy in the afternoon. Then again, who cares, cause it worked for me, and that's what matters. Too bad Geylang United didn't win last night though. Nevermind, I'll still be supporting Geylang United for the rest of this season! =) And in case you are wondering, yes, THAT article is still on my table, at a place where I can see it when I look up.

(3) As I was helping these 2 blind men out of our building and into the cab this afternoon, a thought flashed acrossed my mind. Would I be a very different person today if I had followed Mrs Khoo's suggestion that I take up Social Work in university? Frankly, now that I look at it, I actually shudder at the thought. Still, I was happy to get the break to go down to servicing when Carina called me up to ask about something, relating to these blind men. And the tinge of happiness when helping the men out of the building, down the stairs, opening the taxi door and helping them in. It's been such a long while since I could feel, and it so reminded of the first time I realised how true the Chinese proverb "zhu ren wei kuai le zi ben" was. Perhaps there's still a tiny tinge of niceness hidden within me? I don't know.

(4) Again related to point 3, I guess I'm quite a creature for familiarity. When I went downstairs, past the door at the reception and into the servicing staff area, the safeness and familiarity made me suddenly feel at home. I was even happy to speak a bit to the customer. I'm not sure whether it has something to do with my 'buddies' at the reception, but in any case, I really do enjoy my stint as a receptionist. Well, minus the interacting with a large number of stupid bums there, of course. I don't know if it was just out of professionalism, but I could generate the bright smile and chirpiness for a full 9 hours at reception. I wonder where all that energy went.

(5) Dinner. Was supposed to have tuition today, but in the end, I forced myself to stay behind to start on something. Not that I want to, of course. And actually, I was supposed to have dinner with Sihao, but somehow I didn't have his home number, and I presumed his handphone number should have been cancelled by now, so I couldn't confirm with him. (Sihao, if you are reading this, I'm so sorry!) In the end, dinner was with Mr Chan, and unsurprisingly, of course, we had Japanese food. Too bad Mr Tan couldn't join us.. (Ehz.. who did you call 'the not-adorable one' in Mr Chan's sms? And I STILL remember that you didn't save my office number.. Haha) The apple dessert was nice, though it wasn't as nice as the one I had with Adrian at Waraku (hear that, Mr Tan? hee..) But Mr Gary Chan, you could have made dinner a lot nicer if you had made the effort to be more polite and more "politically correct" whenever you were referring to me, right?

That's basically the 5 things for today. Somehow even though I was supposed to list only, the elaboration just made this entry look so awfully long again today. Meisi's birthday is coming in another 4 days time. I'm still thinking of getting her the Jay Chou's cd. Should I? It'll be even better if Jay Chou were in Singapore, because, I would gladly get him to autograph the CD for her. Meisi, get well soon, k? I miss you!

And before I end off and crash into bed.. Somehow the people around me aren't very happy lately.. Just in case any of you need, here's something for all of you who need this:-

HUGZ!!!!!! =)

PS: This is just a reminder that a certain Mr LwW~ has promised to film himself drinking water using a 葱 and send this footage to me in December during the school holidays. --> I'm sure my sis would love to watch this too, right sis? =)

I LOVE YA!!!

I had almost started the day off reminding myself how irritating, whining and self-centred guys are. But something appeared in my mailbox that brought a huge smile to my face:

Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!! (My sis & her doll duck says thanks too!!)

I did tell you that my sis didn't need that THAT urgently, and that you can pass it to me when we next meet up, right?

Still, I was absolutely thrilled to see the package and the letter. Simply cause it's from you, one of my dearest dearest friend! I don't even need chocolates to get high, because just the sight of the parcel itself is sufficient to make me super high! (Hmm.. although I was really tired during tuition today, was nodding off so many time!! Sigh..)

By the way, my sis asks about the topic for your FYP. Do you need any help in researching anything?

And since your letter had a question on work, here's a photo of my work station, that I (boliao-ly) took yesterday:

Tidy? But my favourite box of biscuits is hide behind the photo! Hm..

On another note, I wonder how's Mr Chan's holiday.

Procrastinate

When you do not know what the future will hold, some tend to be hesitant to take the first step. But, if you don't take the first step, you'll never know what that particular future will hold.

It's been more than a month, and I'm still walking about the same square. Should I? Or shouldn't I? There are just too many things to think, too many people to watch out for, so much so that I'm still as unsure as ever.

Care to point me in one direction?

Memories

A friend of mine sent me these pictures a while ago. Just to prove a certain point.

To think I've more or less forgotten that I've made and sent this X'mas card many Christmas-es ago:

For a split second, these photos transported me back to the many many years ago, to the time when teleview was still in existence. The feeling of familiarity... the closeness that cannot be found on the net.. It's almost like a small neighbourhood where everyone knows almost everyone. Now that I'm still in contact with only LwW and egeus, I wonder how's everyone else doing..

Still, I'm really impressed LwW still has this card..

Hope everything will turn out well for you.. Cause you have been, and will always be, a really nice big brother to me =)

See-saw

It's so obvious that I haven't been blogging for so long that I actually typed the wrong password just now. Otherwise, I don't think it felt much difference. So far, only one person has complained about the lack of updates, which signifies how insignificant the readership of this blog is! Haha.. Just kidding..

The almost a month that I have not been blogging feels way longer than that. A lot of things have happened in the past month. But mainly, grandfather was hospitalised, and at one point in time, he was in the ICU even.

I guess too many things happening at a time just took a toil on me. Thankfully though, I've my bunch of supportive friends.. Thanks, I really really LOVE you guys... and then, there're people whom I not that close to.. just like Sion Yoong's simple sms asking how I've been.. to think I was really touched by that simple gesture.. I'm even very thankful to have Chee Min online to chat about certain stuff..

At the end of the day, just like what someone said the other day (can't remember who though), I'm really really lucky, simply cause I've a bunch of wonderful friends to dote on me..

If only work was equally perfect, I guess..

Somehow, trust between humans is such a delicate issue. Especially when there's some 'benefit' at stake. Maybe that's one other reason why I don't feel comfortable being in a large place, perhaps.

Still, thankfully, even though there are crappy days, somehow peripheral matters always seem to pop up to blow away the grey clouds. Just like this week's lunch with Qien, or the lunch with some of the Rodyk pupils from my batch. Or the dinner with Adrian yesterday, especially.

Time doesn't stop for anyone. Just like it's only a few months since pupillage ended, but so much has changed, and for one, it made not staying there not too bad. It's just like how I was so thrilled at running into my pupil master a few weeks ago, in sub-courts no less, and even wished I could follow him into chambers once again. Even though I had to skip the lunch with some of my colleagues here (people I didn't really mind lunch with), THAT chance meeting was worth way more. To think a few months ago, I was still upset, but.. at the end of the day, my pupil master will always be someone I looked up to.

Thankfully though, despite not really keeping in contact with Adrian, we still had much to say. Or perhaps I was the really talkative one. Just imagine how we were the last to leave the restaurant and could still chat all the way to the train station! That really provided the sweetest end to an awful day! =)

Strained? Drained?

National Day today. Somehow, this feels like the worse National Day ever.

Was volunteered for the National Day observance ceremony yesterday. Midway, a particular Tamil song brought back memories of the Cebu trip. How we spent hours in the guys room deciding on the multi-language songs and how we practised. How none of us knew an entire Malay song and so ended up singing our school song instead.

Yes, and Meisi was a part of those memories too.

How many people can be part of a celebration, but end up trying hard to hold back tears? Silly me did, and my tears really threatened to flow, even after the whole thing ended.

And later the evening, I got home early, hoping to catch up on my rest since tuition was cancelled. I didn't, cause I was greeted by the news that grandpa fell and was warded. So off I went to NUH. You know, for 23++ years, wai gong has never told me about life in the past. Yesterday was the first time he talked so much.

Think the drain-ness was evident when I just fell asleep on the couch and didn't want to get up at all..

And then, just now, dad smsed me to say that grandfather is in a critical condition in ICU..

If there is a almighty being out there who can control our destiny, can you please not take anyone who means something to me away from me? Please? At most, if you don't, I promise to be a good girl and not quit? I don't mind being stuck in a work place that I dislike, or get any trashy stuff from any of those bitches in exchange for you protecting everyone who means something to me. Can? Please?

Taking things for granted

Visited Meisi this evening. Think I'm just dumb to be really dumbfounded when Meisi's mum asked me to just talk to Meisi. Maybe I think too much about not wanting to say inappropriate stuff. Maybe I'm just not used to talking. Whatever the case, I just kept quiet most of the time, as usual.

All of us do take things for granted. How many of us actually think about what would happen if things change suddenly. Just a little while ago, I suddenly thought of the last dinner I had with Meisi when I got her to be my character witness, to sign my form F for my call. At that time, both of us were looking towards the future. Meisi talked about how another hospital was inviting her to join them. We were talking about pay, increment and working environment as a whole. How she enjoyed working at Gleneagles. Then, the next time we met so that she could sign another 2 copies, she was home late after an operation. Even at 10.30pm or so, bleary-eyed, she still came down and we chatted once again about jobs and how enthusiastic she was, as usual, about the details of work.

Who would expect the matters that were to come?

Looking at her lying in bed today, I really miss the Meisi who used to take the same bus to and fro RGS. How we could talk non-stop for entire bus journeys etc, even if we hadn't seen each other for a long time.

I don't know if she really did recognise me today. But when I saw her eyes following the sunflower plush I bought after I mentioned it to her, it just felt good. And when I touched her hands, I could feel her grasping my hand, even if it were not a firm grip, but just a really weak one. But that was already sufficient for me to feel glad.

Still, being the horrible person that I am, I'm still not able to exercise my brain and open my golden mouth. Actually, there are a lot of things that I would want to say.. things like, "Meisi, you can do it! You'll come out of all these even stronger" or "You know, I'm really glad to have you throughout my growing up years.. 16 out of 24 years.." Basically, the Yaofang just doesn't know how to say anything that shows her emotions... Horrible right?

Perhaps it sounds silly, but I'll still gladly go to the temple more often during lunch hours, take more vegetarian food or any silly actions that might help, so long as you'll get well... Know why? Cause you'll always be my friend.. Just like how we used to write the cliche and goosebumps inducing phrase 'Forever Friends'....

Trust and Truth

What is it that makes one person confide in another? Trust? So how do we figure out whether we trust this person or not?

There's no way one can come up with the perfect checklist of what makes a person trust another, or not for that matter. It's just like how my other 19 colleagues and I survived through our team excellence training last Thursday and Friday too.

It's interesting or perhaps weird how you can not really know a person but you could still allow yourself to trust that person. At least I did, and hopefully, my gut feel will not be wrong. I can't explain why I would choose to get Chee Min's opinion when I don't know him at all. In any case, being sleep deprived today was kind of worth it, since whatever Chee Min said (or rather typed) proved to be useful catalyst to help me decide what I wanted to do. Chee Min, thanks very much for your 2 cents worth!

On the same note too, THANKS GARY!!!! Some of the stuff you said were more than over sufficient to make me super touched. I don't think I would need your offer, but you know what? YOU'RE GREAT!!!! (hahaha... don't cringe!!)

Still on the same topic, I don't understand why I can deem someone as one of my most important friends, yet at the same time, not trust him sufficiently to tell him what's going through my mind now. Perhaps it's just the shadow left behind from all your 'cold water' in JC? Or rather, more accurately I think, it's just that we're a bit like strangers now, so much so that I don't know how to whine to you already. But, I really don't mind turning back time for just a day, just to experience the bus rides and the chats we had both on the bus and at the bus stops once again. I'm beginning to miss that friendship forged in JC again....

You know you've grown older when...

you flip the papers and see the secondary school seniors you've more or less lost touch with.

Still, it feels good to see Yiting's photo in the papers especially since I've no idea how she's been ever since Channel U (at least the Channel U that I preferred) ceased. And the best part was, there was MingRong's face in the papers too..

Familiar and comforting faces... A good way to start the day

Does bunch of positive feedback and one negative feedback make the class good?

Just came back from a torture camp. Ok, it wasn't that bad, with the friends I had/made. The night was fun when the bunch of us went out for a walk on our own, and when Derek and Guohui came to Mariah and my room to watch tv and chew on snacks. But no matter what, I just can't stand horrible trainers. And they are REALLY THAT bad..

And then, I checked my email just now, and some stupid asshole sent that reply to my manager. Oh... only your new staff gave a negative feedback. The rest gave the course 3 and above, so there wasn't anything wrong with the course. Fine! You can't be bothered to read my feedback, will you just go to hell?

I really really really do hate the place a lot... REALLY... and there's still 1768 more days to go. Can someone just kill me to end my misery? Better still, can there be some mishap in the building so that it's THEM who killed me?

What kind of friend are you?

Actually, the question I posed to Kum Fu in the wee hours of this morning was more of.. Am I a mean person? Other than the 'No la' he didn't type anything else even after I typed a longer continuation for that.

Frankly, I think he forgot the photograph incident when he answered my question. Either that, or he was way too busy with his work to really think before answering such mundane questions.

Yes, I admit I can be cold and distant, in fact, for people who know me better, I am extreme. Distant is just but a way of self-protection. Letting others know too much is so much akin to handing the other person a knife. When you least expect it, you'll realise the stab on your back.

Perhaps I'm just exaggerating. The feeling of wanting to wipe something off the memory is not that nice. Partitioning, segregating and erasing. The end result is a blank part in your own history. That's not something to be proud about, but it's something like a much needed operation. No one would want to undergo amputation, but amputation cuts short the infection and in the long run, it may be a necessary evil. Isn't it the same as a memory wipeout?

Maybe I just enjoy being harsh to myself huh?

Then again, this long overdue reformatting is necessary and will not be missed. Just as what the last incident demonstrated, the allegiance would not be on my side anyway.

Does that matter? In a way, the real me says 'yes'. But in the long run, 'no'.

In any case, I'm so glad my dearest friend is back in Singapore again!! Welcome back!!!! Ehz.. I really miss having you in Singapore, ok? No doubts about it!!! Just before I die of exhaustion, I'm so looking forward to our dinner appointment weeks down the road!!!

Sentosa training tomorrow. 2 days stuck with OTHER people. Sigh... No my favourite box of biscuits to stare at too.. Sigh (x2)..

Oh, I saw the email Vincent sent me whilst cc-ing it to the 2 general managers! Compliments for finding mistakes in the Acturial department's Maths calculation. =) This should be the second time CTS is seeing compliments about me! From 2 different managers/supervisors from 2 different departments! =)

Personal preference?

Left my place feeling trashy today. Thought the day would be so, but I couldn't have been more wrong.

Had an unexpected company on the train today. It's been like a million years since I've heard from Geng Sheng. And there he was, right at the door.

Was I close to him back when I did relief teaching? Actually, I don't think so. But somehow, the chanced encounter still managed to chased away the dark clouds when a lot of other things couldn't. Don't ask me why.. Cause I don't know? But.. it's just a very comfortable feeling.

Was almost dozing off at work today whilst looking through the documents. Then, I suddenly decided to check the equation they had on the document (which according to Vincent and Dharmendra, I didn't have to.. Or in Dharmendra's words, it's spoiling the market) Somehow, that made me super awake, the part when I was trying to substitute the values and trying to figure out what was wrong with the equation. Perhaps I really do prefer Maths a lot more to English huh?

Had dinner with Peiqi at some Korean restaurant in Chinatown. Blogger doesn't seem to want to let me upload the photos, so well... photos another day then..

Gosh.. I'm so tired! I wonder how Kum Fu can stand working till past this late so often..

On another note.. heard from Shujun who heard from someone else that Meisi's operation was a success! Yay!!!!!! Though we don't have much of an idea how she is. Mental note: Shall use my lunch to visit her next week. Hmm... and do I look like I've such bad memory? Else why should Peiyi be so surprised that I could actually recognise her and remember her name? She's one of the 3 people who was my classmate for all 6 years during primary school! And we were even in the same CCA for a year too! In fact, I rememebered that fact way before I realised that Shujun is another who was my classmate for 6 years.. Hmm....

Oh, and I pity Jeremy who still has to hear that I'm in a not-so-cheery mood, and never once did he questioned me the cause. Thanks for offering me your ears just in case I'm feeling down.. and letting me be the little girl for the time being even though I am supposed to be more of an older sister to you.

Happy Birthday, Guoxing!!!!!

Last year, I was 23 hours 59 minutes late. Or something like that.

This year, I'm not late.

Happy birthday, Guoxing! My dearest dearest grandfather!!!!!

Despite all the times since we've graduated from NJC that you've jumped to conclusions instead of listening (at least not totally) to the things that make me feel down, the things that bother me.. Despite irking me unknown number of times for that..

You're still one of the reasons why me ending up in NJC was a good twist of fate.

For without being forced by circumstances to be in NJC, I would not have made a friend who used to be emotional but was a good listener. A friend who gave me the first soft toy (actually not very soft.. I think) that I would bring every where around school. A friend who would let me bully him into calling him 'grandfather'. A friend whom I could write numerous letters to, at least back in JC. A friend who showed that Newton's third law could apply to friends cheering each other on. A friend who would complain about how he can never stand my habit of keeping unhappiness to myself, in a bid to make me open up. A friend who would cycle to school with 6kg worth of newspapers just because my class wanted to win some competition, even if we happened to disagree over something the night before. A friend who would go to the sand pit early in the morning to help me get some sand cause my class thought we needed it for our 5 stones making competition and I couldn't collect cause I would always be just on time for class. A friend who remembers what was said and would shower loads of concern, just like a grandfather would. A friend who nags so much that it'll be hard to imagine he's merely a few months older than me. A friend whose birthday sms could make me touched to tears on one of my hatest days of the year. A friend whose card, though filled with insults, could make me break into a smile despite a bad week. A friend who may not always be there when all is well, but will definitely go all the way out to be there when needed.

Yes, you're all that, and perhaps more. So, you know what? On this special day of yours, I just want to loudly exclaim on this blog:

HAPPY 24TH BIRTHDAY, GUOXING!!!

May you always be as happy as you are now, not to mention healthy too, yah, soon-to-be PE teacher?

And... thanks for being one of my most treasured friends (yes, even if I can't stand you at times =p )

Moody-for-the-umpteenth-time Yaofang

I hate changes, especially when you take something I like, change it without me knowing and expect me to be fine with it. The stubborn me will rather torture myself than accept, cause in case you don't know, I hate losing my comfort stuff.

Just like I don't understand why the hell I had to go look at some other website. You may think you are being perfectly nice, but no, you aren't. Then again, I don't have a right to tell you what to do, but from my point of view, it irks me. Like how I've described myself one paragraph earlier, when I say I'm dumping something, I mean it. Whatever you type just affects my mood, and heightens my pissability.

And then, I think trainings and I are highly incompatible. Especially when you ask a bunch of old assholes to lecture. One supposed retiree turned it into a show-off session and a history lesson. You said you are a retiree, so GO STAY AT HOME! What right do you have to hint that RI will get rights over everyone else? YOU STUPID OLD MAN HAVE NO RIGHT TO CRITICISE RAFFLESIANS! And then, the last session was another idiot asshole. What WITs training? The stupid HR personnel might as well call it a marriage counselling session... Oh, that's before his 'political commentary'. What 'emotional adultery is when you confide in someone from the opposite sex more than you do to your spouse' or 'marriage is not about looking at each other but looking ahead' or 'a good spouse is someone who can make a good parent, not just some love cause that's infatuation'. The best part was his irritating story, the moral of which I concluded was, it's wrong to lunch with the opposite sex. WHAT THE HELL DO THESE HAVE TO DO WITH WITS? You deserved to be complained against, so too bad, I complained to my manager who then complained to HR. I hate the company, especially the awful training they provide.

Then, my meeting with Vincent. Now I know what that dumb ass CC meant when she mentioned the 6 months review. WHAT?!? You congratulated me on me joining legal, but you FORGOT to tell me that it's a 6 months attachment to Legal, and if any other departments require me, you'll post me there. CC, may you trip over the stairs and lose your memory! This is not like the first time you are giving me crap.. 2 years to give me a bloody stupid reply. What 1-4-14 rule in the company? It doesn't apply to you is it? Can you just go to hell?

I'm sorry about the not-so-nice language. Just that after containing all these emotions in me for a day, I just had to let it out. Without ending up in tears.

But at least I had my 'table decoration' -- my Hei Bai Pei!! Just a look at it can make me smile and make things feel not THAT bad afterall. And I brought the mug from a person I do not really want to see around and left it on my table. In a way, that cup made me feel safe too. Perhaps even though it was a slipshod present, it was still a present from that mattered. Now what I lack is just 5R and 4R photoframes, and to colour photocopy my JC photos. Then I can surround myself in happier stuff. Call me super untrusting, but no way am I going to bring my comfort duck-ies and bear-y to work, cause I don't think they're safe in my office. (How else do you think I want to photocopy my photos instead of using the ones I have?)

Nespray, I wonder if you've seen the cybercard I've sent you. =(

Weiguang, thanks for the biscuits. I don't know how I'll get through the day without it. And.. I'm not eating it cause it's my comfort deco =)