Same things mean differently from different people

Received my PLC results today. I passed and was quite disgusted by PN for idiotically doing the name list. Ah well, you'll understand when you see it.

I hate liars, I hate them. Why waste my phone bill calling me to ask me to send in my certificates for you to consider your request when you are all set to turn me down? I haven't even sent it out and there I see your negative reply. I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!! I really do.

I can't believe I actually broke down on seeing that reply. Perhaps the stress of not knowing what was in store for me was really getting to me. Perhaps the new decision just threw my plans into disarray again, simply cause I have no guts to carry out what I would have liked to try. But why should I trust my decision since none of my decisions these few years seem to make sense?

I don't know why I just felt like crying to someone. Ok, maybe not just anyone. Just hearing a reassuring voice will be sufficient to stop my tears from flowing non-stop. But, Gek koon, I've already troubled him for the AC--- LLC episode. Of those who are in Singapore, I could only think of one other person whom I think would be able to calm me down, the only one whom I smsed to and said I felt like crying and wanted to borrow a listening ear. But I don't believe I will get a reply call.. but it doesn't matter, cause we are not real friends what.. just 2 people who keep in contact only as and when we need each other, right? So there's no need for you to lend me your listening ears, cause you have much better things to do. You are not my friend wat.. you are not.

Someone else asked me if I was alright on MSN earlier. But why should I tell you the truth, when you are going to pre-judge me anyway? I'm sorry but between you and the person I've mentioned earlier, I guess I still have a higher regard for the former simply because much as I don't think we are friends, I know I'll always get moral support for my views (be they true or not, so long as I can't tell it's fake) and actions. Go ahead and call me a brat, I guess.

Daniel jokingly gave permission to call him suddenly when I'm down, but somehow I just don't feel right about disturbing.

I miss the ray of sunshine that a certain senior exudes (at least back then). Remember you said something about finding something positive to sustain oneself? I wish I can hear it from you again, just to be reminded of what you said. But, what are the chances of me chancing upon you? 0.000001%?