Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Fate

How often do we hear how something occurring at the wrong moment just becomes wrong?

Uncle smsed me to say that the fat smelly one is leaving. Yet, Weiguang was absolutely right when he said I'm not fated to go back to GLC. If this had happened when I was still at my nightmare place, I would probably have jumped at the offer to go back, to the firm w/o the silly fat smelly one. But too bad, I'm happy where I am now, and I've no intention of leaving nice bosses as yet.

I wonder which unlucky/silly place is taking him in though..Hmm..

On another note, I'm pretty happy this evening. Now if only I can get that plan typed out asap..

Monday, October 19, 2009

Reflection...

It's been a month and 19 days (to be exact) since I moved to my new home. At first, I chose to be vague, not wanting certain people I hated to know, now that I've happily settled in and spring cleaned some parts of my life, I can happily announce.. Yes, I've resigned *again* and am happily settled in my new home and loving every bit of it. (Just imagine, which bosses would allow the firm to close at 3pm so that everyone can go off for our KTV session and dinner?)



my new "home"

It takes certain episodes for a person to wake up, and I'm glad that the 5 months of nightmare did that, to a certain extent. More or less gone are the "excesses", people I should have gotten rid of long ago but never successfully did. But when someone you had a hard time relinquishing as friend tells you that you're weird when you were ultra depressed / nervous even though he was and still is way more tolerant to some others' whines, it is like pouring ice water on a drunkard.. you wake up to the reality that you do not need such people... at least not as your friend. This time round, I'm not upset. In fact, if necessary, I can now happily point you out as someone from my class for a really short period long time ago. And you'll always remain as an acquaintance who was once really sweet.

Of course, clearing excess baggage also meant throwing away a person I hate very much who somehow though still randomly "guest-starred" in my life.. Afterall, there is no longer a need for me to be nice to the person to protect another person. I hated you for using female-ish ways to allow yourself to get "protected" by people who meant something to me. I even once doubted myself cause of you. But not anymore. You can win everything. All those whom you consciously/subconsciously wanted to snatch away, but let me tell you this.. The ones who're on your side, they don't mean anything to me. The gems of my life? I'll never intro them to you, cause they're way too precious to me for me to cede them to you. That said, Weiguang, thanks for your vote of confidence when I really needed it.

Not too long ago, a hairstylist (ok, I know strictly speaking he's not one yet but I believe it's just a matter of time) actually commented how being easygoing also means I'll be taken for granted easily. Perhaps so. Unfortunately for my newest personal trainer, I chose to subconciously keep that comment in mind. Still, I must say that changing trainers was a move I don't regret. He's way more professional and knowledgeable, training wise or current affairs etc. To a certain extent, he reminds me a little of Keith, except he's a lot more enthusiastic.. Let's hope things remain this way..

In case anyone thinks this is a whine-y post (esp Gary.. You know, I really made a conscious effort to whine less ever since you commented I whine too much, though I don't know if I've really improved) it's not meant to be. One truly moves on only when one is able to talk about a matter in a matter-of-fact manner, and I'm really all ready to move on to be back to the cheerful me I once was, so that I can be a worthy friend to the gems of my life, so that friends like Koon, Honghui etc will not have to check on me now and then..

Besides, I did gain something out of that nightmare too. It's rare to have a clique when you're at work, and I had one. The long lunches, tea at our Taiwan porridge, Cedele etc.. Our "conferences" and even Nicc's farewell in the toilet..all these would remain the happiest memories in the midst of all our gloom and I'm glad our friendship still extended past our shared misery there.


PS: Besides my friends, my GLC colleagues were a great source of comfort during that period of nightmare too and were always one sms away. Eg Maan always had encouraging words. Or Gilson, who was the receiving end of a whole lot of my depressed smses, and never once told me off for it. =)

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Irrational? Perhaps

Renci saga as more or less come to a conclusion. Unlike during the NKF circus, I still choose to believe that is not as guilty as the previous group of circus animals. At least he didn't just stood by waiting for artistes to risk their lives to get more money for him. At least he "played with his life" to raise funds for his charity. At least he had the guts to admit he was a modern monk when the public saw him at restaurants. At least he didn't go round suing people for defamation when the facts were in actual fact true..

Whatever the case, he may have done wrong, but there were things that he did right. For that, I seriously hope that he doesn't get a jail term.

******

On another note,even though I've never watched Dollah Kassim play in any of the match, it doesn't make me any less keen on carrying out a search on yahoo these past few days to see if there are any updates. Whatever the case, I hope he gets up really really soon, and prove that he did not suffer any / much of brain damage. Get well soon!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

The best way to close a chapter

想太多又想太重的夢想 還不如乾脆不多想
每一個險惡的浪 都會有浪花綻放 我決定邊衝邊欣賞

牛頓要我們都活在地上 偏偏我就想要飛翔
要掙脫命運綑綁 要推翻柏林圍牆 要站上巨人的肩膀

夢想永遠是逆向 一路都有人阻擋
人們說的荒唐卻是我的心中的天堂 !

就放肆愛放肆追 放肆去闖 放肆的大鬧一場
不能原諒 如果很多年後 我還是這樣

就放肆愛放肆追 放肆去闖 放肆是我的信仰
再不去闖 夢想永遠只會 是一個夢想

哥倫布只要有一顆星光 就膽敢橫越大西洋
我還有一把吉他 我還有一群死黨 為什麼還不大聲唱

達爾文假設生命是戰場 就讓我基因不投降
把傷痕裝滿手掌 把鼓聲裝滿心臟 把歌聲裝滿肺活量

夢想永遠是逆光 只有剪影的模樣
會有什麼細節 什麼體驗? 不要只猜想!





Friday, August 28, 2009

The Professional Worrier

I wonder if I'm the spread-er of misfortune. Why do so many people around me wind up in hospitals?

For a moment, WKF's msn about not being upset with me for dropping the card brightened up my day tremendously. The next moment, Huimin's smses made my mood sink to the lowest.

If birthday wishes do come true and I could make an advance birthday wish now, can I wish that you'll recover ASAP?

Mr WKF, jia you! Cause only you can help me fulfil that birthday wish.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Probably disqualified from lecturing at NYU

That is, if I would qualify academically in the first place. Haha...

Never realised my extent of categorisation, until for some reason, I notice a different name on a piece of paper today, and the corresponding name on the name tag. Even though I wasn't very pleased with your standard of work for quite some time, which was aggravated just a few months back, I didn't dislike you as immensely. But when you matter-of-factly said you've converted today, I've no idea why I found it so extremely repulsive. Cause you are not amongst my real friends, so my dislike outweighs our acquaintance? Or because you are still deemed a friend, though not as much, so my dislike was aggravated?

Whatever it is, I think today's event made me resolve to change. Either that or follow through and stop when it ends. (On top of the fact that I was doing time-watching and the discrepancy was obvious. I know I'm repulsively stereotyping, but am I wrong to say that the change has made you less hardworking as well?)

Don't know, but yes, I'm kind of taken aback by my strong reaction.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

简单的快乐

I know I haven't blogged in a million years and there are loads of congratulatory messages for a few of my friends, but for the moment..

I just had one of the best-est dinners I can ever had! No need for atas places like TCC etc. In fact, when JianPing asked for suggestions for less than $20 food places, the first place I thought of was Seah Im..

Although we ended up at Food Junction at Vivo instead, it really didn't matter. For the 2+ hours, it felt like time stood still (or perhaps even that we were in a time shuttle). No need for pretence, no need for politically correct comments. It was back to being myself, and commenting about what I truly think.

THIS is what real friendship is all about. Comfy, secure, where nothing else matters.

Friday, June 19, 2009

That's what friends are for

That phrase came to my mind the moment blogger appeared on the screen.

If not for some of my angels, these two weeks would probably have been even more mentally exhausting. In fact, I even realised how lucky I am to have made a good friend at work.


Still, who cares about competing with non important people? So what if my mum thinks you are pretty (Hah!). Fact is, being with the people who are important to me is probably my perfect tranquiliser.





Can't wait to meet up with the other most important friends too.

In the meantime, I shall just savour the amount of nice food I had within the week.


Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Why oh why?

Can you please just accept the letter?

I'm at my wits end.

******

Just found out that one of my neighbour for the longest time ever is moving away this month. =(

Monday, June 08, 2009

Things I'm grateful for today...

Even if it sounds a bit like those prayers, no it's definitely not. Just that whilst walking to the train station from China Square, it suddenly occurred to me that despite mad man being mad as usual, there were a lot of little things that made my day. And these are the things that keep me going. Anyway, the 2 things I reflected upon on my way to the train station:

(1) NTUC Income. Yup, the scholarship may have caused me to lag a year behind my peers, but it brought along new opportunities and friends, which would probably not exist in my life. After having lunch with legal today (plus Caroline, who was part of legal too), I realised that just as you can take me out of RGS but not take RGS traits out of me, by the same nature, I can be out of NTUC Income, but a part of NTUC Income will still remain in me. It's been 2 years since I celebrated lao ban's birthday with the section, but it all felt so surreal and reminiscent of the past at Muthu's Curry today. Whether Vincent meant it or not, his offer to talk to Mr Peh made him really daddy-like, which also reminded me why he would always be the boss I respect most. Thanks, Vincent, and happy birthday in advance! (I want to see Evan.. Bring Evan!!!!)

(2) Shaun. After so many years of trying to find my optimistic and cheery self (the one whom Qiuting used to describe as always smiling), I realised that I did become more cheerful these days, even though facing mad man and his protege doesn't seem to be a particularly pleasing task. The key to optimism, I think, is the amount of running, exercising I've been subjecting myself to. In fact, I was probably cheerier in NJC because I used to skip, bounce everywhere and even across the library. Maybe that's why nespray was such an optimistic person too (Hmm.. I wonder how he is now). Anyway, even if you won't get a chance to see this, thanks Shaun, for at least making me slightly more enthu about exercising, such that I might have finally found the elusive key to turning myself back into the cheery Yaofang I used to be.

Friday, June 05, 2009

Nothing matters more to me than..


I'm just being ultra emo tonight.

Still, da ge, thank you. You'll always be one of my most important friends, and one of those who'll make me want to be successful enough for you to be proud of, no matter where you are.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

随想

“谁是草莓族,你才是榴莲族。。”

不知从几何时,我已习惯用伤害来保护自己。也只有在少数的面前,我才愿意让你们看到善良,宽容的一面。

也许是封闭了太久,也只有在WL顺其自然的提醒我该避开某事时,我才突然发现我真的好爱无意间也伤害自己。

快速的步伐总让人忘了欣赏周遭的风光。只有在遇到阻碍时,你才会偶然发现身旁的风景。

炎闷的午后竟因一个简单的短讯而灿烂了。是巧合吗?怎么美思Guohui都同一个星期内发短讯呢?

无论如何,你们却让我在拼命的斩除前方自己设下的敌人的当儿,突然停下脚步,不在乎仇人已跑的多远。

美思,今天没回电,对不起!但请相信耀芳依旧是耀芳,说到,一定做到。

Guohui,你也是。即使我已不小心删除你今天的短讯,但你可要说到做到哦。我依然期待你康复早日回到工作岗位上。

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Random thoughts...

Someone asked me today how I find the time to blog. I realised I don't, just like a lot my other friends who have more or less ceased their blogging activities (ie. Claritee, Soulvibes etc). Unlike some who blog so that they can let the entire world know what they are doing, others blog only so that friends whom they hardly see can still be updated once in a while (Facebook status not counted). So Ms Claritee, Mr Soulvibes etc.. I'm still waiting for updates on your blogs, especially now that I can hardly come online, and I don't get to see you all too...

My new job was supposed to allow me more time to see my friends, rather than have them come to my office just to deliver food. Why is it then that I end up having even less time for them now? In the past, at least they could come up with food. With monster here now, I doubt they can even step foot into the lift lobby.

Interestingly enough, just as I mentioned in my earlier entry, my most often meet-up "friend" is really someone who gets paid to see me. Which may or may not be a good thing since I think bottling too much stuff within me has made me blabber a lot more things that I think I shouldn't have. I need to learn to shut up and watch tv more. Haha...

On a side note, I'm impressed by WL's honesty. Frankly, I don't think I'd ever do what you do. Whatever and however things turn out, remember I'll always support you, k dearest? =)

On a super side note, should I reply Jo's message on Facebook?

Friday, May 29, 2009

Intolerance, a step towards downfall?

Couldn't help but applaud when I read the parliamentary comment by Assoc Prof Koo (Tanjong Pagar GRC) when he stated that intolerance, and not the economic crisis, poses the biggest threat to Singapore. Finally, a person who's willing to call a spade a spade, and not deal with the matter in a roundabout manner.

If like what Prof Thio said, that the media had blown up the entire AWARE saga, why on earth did she deem it fit to raise it in parliament again, now that the dust has supposedly settled? If the media were truly biased in their reporting, they could have totally left out your and another unknown MP's parliamentary speech. The fact is that (as Prof Thio would probably know since she lectures on Human Rights anyway), the media is still made up of humans, and humans are entitled to expression, reporters or not. As long as they do not go overboard in their reporting, who are you to stop them from congratulating the new-old exco from scoring the coup against the team led by your mother?

The way I see it (not that my view really really matters, of course), the whole parliamentary speech is like a broken tape recorder played by a sore loser. If the papers had slanted towards your mum's "we-should-bring-down-the-pro-gay-AWARE-people", would you, or Mr Sin still accuse the papers of being biased, for not sufficiently reporting on "the other side"? The fact is, you won't.

Frankly, I totally agree with our Minister of State for Defence (ok, I admit I didn't know he was a Minister of State before this, but that's not THAT bad, right?) that "While we focus our energies on solving this economic crisis, we should never lose sight of the long-term challenge of building a tolerant, diverse and inclusive infrastructure where everybody has a private space within the bigger common space". Lest you or your mum accuses me of being "sexually challenged" (haha.. what a funny term, no wonder people had to write in to the forum to comment on it), let me just clarify that I am not (disliking certain males that I have to deal with on a routine basis doesn't count, I'm sure). My only difference is probably just that I have friends whom you view negatively. But that doesn't matter, frankly, because to me, they are still priceless. Sexual preference does not make or break a person. In fact, some of my dearest friends are way better than those "normal" ones who may be useless, less caring and downright self centred.

Besides, if you look at it from a policy point of view, if you were to argue that it is these people who affect the growth of our population, given that they will probably not form a "normal" family unit, perhaps you may explain the difference between them, and a not-married-and-probably-will-end-up-single-for-the-rest-of-their-lives "normal" being, who too, does not in any way aid in the growth of our nation. As long as everyone contributes to improving the society, who are you to judge others? Just like what our pledge says "To built a democratic society, based on justice and EQUALITY". Justice is insufficent if you do not have equality as well.

To further clarify, I am not exerting that you may not take your anti-gay views. But do not attempt to impose it on others who choose to look at it from another view. As long as one doesn't step past others' boundaries, it is fine whatever you choose because that is your own life.

Which brings me to another point about keeping within boundaries. Audrey mentioned the other day about GLC's ex COO overstepping the boundaries when he called her home after she missed his call on her handphone. That, I truly agree too. In this day and age where mobile phones are a common sight, home phones are really dedicated to certain individuals whom we deem important enough. So it's just pure rude and annoying if you can't get a person, and you have to call the person's home to hunt down the person. If it is not life and death, so be it. In fact, we agree that it is as rude and ill mannered as calling people at ungodly hours of the day for non life-and-death matters. (For the most important friends in my life, for eg. Randall, Gary, Qi, Koon, Lijia, Guoxing, Itak da ge, you guys are obviously exempted. I don't even mind being on call 24/7!)

Now that I'm more or less done with my ranting, I just can't help but realise that changing jobs really doesn't make a different to the amount of time I have in my life. Was just hit with the realisation that the person who seems to see me most, and to a certain extent, see the real me (or hear my weirdest blabbering) most is actually Shaun, rather than any of my closer friends. Perhaps cause I'm really consciously not allowing myself to whine too much to you all (yeah.. i know I still do despite me actively not letting you all in on a lot already). Come to think of it, Shaun really has to be careful, haha.. someday I might just have to kill-person-rid-mouth (translate into Chinese). Haha.. Still, don't worry, I've finally figured that in trying to make you guys proud of me, the other important thing is to be happy too, just like what GK or Itak da ge said when I asked whether I'm useless if I just gave up... I'm sure I'll be able to be successful at work and find the cheerful me (haha.. was suddenly reminded of nespray) again so that you guys can really really be proud of me.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

One baby step

Yup, it's one baby step towards my ultimate goal of making my most important friends proud of me. Seriously though, I'm beginning to wonder if I had said anything wrong to justify the pretty good outcome from the hearing today. Or maybe my ears were bad and the order wasn't what I thought I heard. Otherwise, why were they so surprised that I managed to get that order? Whatever, at least I didn't get scolded by the AR (who is really nice, and will probably be amongst my favourite, at least for now) and got more than 50% of the costs I asked for. =)

Oh, and my first reaction when I came out from chambers? To "announce" to my most important friends (ok, in the end more people knew, and I didn't sms some of the important people too, for eg. Itak da ge, cause I didn't want to bother them). Still, I hope it's just the beginning...

******

On a side note, I really really detest people who borrow my books and refuse to return it. I may have known you for the longest time ever, but that doesn't mean that you can just happily ignore my previous questions on whether my book is with you. Perhaps you should ask poor Calvin how I react when people borrow my things and not have the decency to return it on their own accord. Especially when the book I lent you is not cheap and it's MY book. Bothering me for other things is not going to make me anymore please, especially after the amount of time wasted and MY BOOK! (ok, I think I've emphasised my book sufficiently)

Oh yes, although it feels reassuring to see the phrase "fang fang" again, I'm still undecided whether to respond. Perhaps I've become more hardened, or I've totally given up on you, still, give me some time to decide whether to respond, k?

Sunday, May 24, 2009

You know how much I hate to find out about people only through some other means?

You changed your jobs but refuse to admit it right? Why? I'm not stupid, I did a google search and confirmed my suspicion.

Know what? I am pissed. What's with the secretive behaviour these days? If you think you're very great, so be it. I can't even be bothered to talk to you anymore.
You can take a person out of Raffles, but you may not necessary take away the Rafflesian in her

Suddenly had that thought on my way back. For some (strange) reasons, I've never thought of myself having any Rafflesian trait.. Until on my way back home today.

I am competitive. At least in the face of things/people I don't particularly like. Which explains how even more competitive (and crazily stubborn) I've been lately. Doesn't look like it'll be abating any time soon though.

On the bright side, at least I can still say that I'm not an anomaly. At least I've some RGS trait in me. Good or bad? You judge.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Btw, if you ever read this, Brandon

Hope you're feeling better about your driving test!

Don't give up. I'm SURE you'll do fine the next time round. Just have more confidence in yourself, k? Besides, on the bright side, you'll get your licence before 21, unlike me (NO AUNTIE-ING!).. so cheer up and look ahead. I'm still waiting to go out for supper when you pass, k?
Males with English names beginning with "K"...

Yes, if it's you. Stay away.

Haha.

My sense of indifference just moved up another notch.

PS: Gary, I'm really sorry about this evening. I really really didn't mean to fly you kite. In fact, I was really looking forward to dinner today. Whatever it is, sorry.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Much Ado About Nothing

The topic has obviously nothing to do with the Shakespearean work, nor the play with Adrian Pang as the male lead (anyone wants to watch?). It's just a follow-up from 2 incoherent blog entries two nights ago, which obviously have been removed to maintain the sanity of this blog.

******

How often would you tell someone not ultra close to you what you think exactly? Especially if it's to point out what you disagree with.

Being frank leads to two possible results, either(i)you don't get along as well or (ii) you become closer. For most cases, the former holds true. Just like today, I thought your actions were a lot more wary after what transpired the past few days. Rather than your usual more child-like self, I thought I detected the step-three-steps-back-and-keep-your-distance feel. Perhaps I'm just oversensitive, though I don't regret speaking (or rather smsing) my mind, somehow I think you would probably act more like your usual self if you had been kept in the dark.

******

Insignificant events in life may sometimes end up being pretty significant in memory. For some reasons, I've been reminded of Mr Chai more than once this week. Can't really uncover my memory lapse for the earlier event, but at least for today, it was our chat in remote relation to the above that reminded me of Mr Chai (and Mr Lim too). If acquaintance-ship cannot survive the test of truth, then friendship can be described as a raw diamond, the more you polish, the better it gets. Somehow I would still believe that our numerous disagreements and cold wars in school did help us become better friends, or at least, make us annoy the hell out of each other less (then again, I wonder if it did. Haha) Still, those long winded letters of yesteryears will always be one of my most treasured items, even if they only go to show how boliao we were to disagree with every possible issue. But that's what makes friendship most real too, ie. not being afraid to be who you are.

******

Frankly, I still don't think my outburst would have as positive an effect as it had with some of my most important friends. Perhaps I do regret a little about letting you in on what really pissed me off. Still, what's done's done, and there's nothing much I can do now, yeah? I'll just see how things turn out.