ReVeRiEz on WaY tOo MuCh TiMe On HaNd

2nd day back at work.. Things have become slightly better, at least I didn't have to stone for the entire day. But... I guess it's just me being biased and ungrateful.

I guess my mum was right when she suddenly mentioned about me hating a lack of work. True. Whenever I've way too much time at work, it just makes me less motivated to work.. Like, going to work is such a drag, cause I'll just be stoning when everyone else is working.. and yet, I have to pretend that I am busy doing work..

Zapped the pupillage checklist for my pupil master today. As I was glancing through the list, I realised that I learnt little of what is stated in the checklist. Coupled with hearing how others are faring in other firms, I just can't help but wonder again. And I can't help recalling that Vincent had told me the other time when I asked for his help in getting me another pupillage position, that I should avoid changing my pupil master too often. I can't imagine what he would say if he hears of me jumping ship. Tell him first, cause he got me the position, and it'll seem like I'm telling on the firm. Tell the firm, and I'll be equally disrespectful by not informing him before hand. Not only that, but I'm quite sure I don't know how to face my pupil master either. But... I do not have as much time as the rest to learn. Like what Peng Fong said... my learning curve has to be steeper than the rest. If I continue to stay here for my pupillage, I'll only be putting myself at a disadvantage. I guess it's very much like having a ticking countdown timer.. the short amount of time I have to learn is getting shorter and shorter as I type this.. And having "not wanting to 对不起 老板, pupil master, Mr Lek etc etc" doesn't count very much as suitably not-lame reasons for staying right?

I guess staying committed to something is simply not my cup of tea.. Over forcing myself to be cheery and bubbly just plunges me into deeper gloom once I'm out of the act.. I'll snap out of it once I leave for work again tomorrow.. Just make sure I don't walk towards Caltex House and beyond again tomorrow, like what I did today. UOB and Caltex House.. that's like 2 opposite directions. Trust me to do such nonsense unwittingly.. Haha...

On an even lighter note.. I haven't seen a certain Mr Chai online for quite a while. Wonder if my really ex worldwide speed post has reached him. Otherwise, I'll want to strangle SingPost. Afterall, I don't use worldwide speed post for the sake of burning money, do I?

ReVeRiEz on FiRsT DaY bAcK fOr PuPiLLaGe

Just got back from KL yesterday night. The trip was fine. Loads of walking. I'm even impressed that I actually had the guts to go up Batu Caves, considering my severe fear of heights. But, having spent RM50 on that day trip.. obviously I wasn't going to let that money go to waste. Haha.. I do believe I have a self-torturing streak in me.. haha...

********

Back for pupillage today. After months of looking forward to being back, I really don't understand why the gloom that I really can't get rid off.

Perhaps I'm just another spoilt brat. When I saw the schedule today, I really don't understand why the gloom just crept in. It's not that I dislike Real Estate... but I just don't understand why the 1 month stinct there. And another at IP, then banking and Corp Fin. It's actually a very well spread out schedule. It's just that.. there's no more Liti, I guess.. Not that I should complain. Paul had to redo the whole schedule for the pupils just to fit me in, so whatever schedule I get, I don't have a right to complain, simply because they've already been super nice to accomodate me for the pupillage (I know Weiling said I shouldn't think about it that way, since I'm doing work too.. but I just can't.. Perhaps it's just inferior complex.. Despite hating some guy for sort of implying that I got in cause of contacts, the fact is, I really did! I really can't get rid of the thought that I didn't get in on my own accord. Stupid thought, but yes, that's me..) And, I mean, the others actually had a nice schedule before Paul had to redo this and I heard one guy being unhappy with the Schedule... only that... none actually realised why the schedule was tweaked.. so basically, I really don't have any right to be upset, right?

But.. everyone else will be staying, so even if they don't get to stay in the department they like for a longer while during pupillage, the fact is, they would still get to be where they want when they start practising.. For me, even if I'm going to practise, I'm not going to stay in the firm.. so pupillage is the only chance I get to learn from the pupil master I admire a lot. It's like.. I recalled Peng Fong actually mentioning before that I should follow my pupil master for at least one case.. from the start... and I actually said I'll ask my pupil master when I come back again for pupillage.. Yet, I don't think I'll have a chance to do that... considering that I don't even know whether I'll ever practise... Besides, that one month in Liti will not be sufficient for me to survive if I were to attempt to practise elsewhere. In fact, when Weiling was talking about her work today.. I don't know why, but I just felt so envious.

I sound totally like a spoilt brat now.. Just like some other schoolmates who whine and whine about doing work that they don't like, that they think is not useful. Frankly, it's not that I don't like my postings... they are great.. or maybe I just had too much time in my hands to let gloom envelope me today... There was absolutely nothing to do all the way till 6pm.. for that matter, work came in only at 6pm... and it's more or less done... so I'm still wondering what I'll do to rot tomorrow morning.. I had the sudden thought of changing firms today... just so that I can learn more elsewhere... but the memory that I got in here THROUGH contacts (and so, I can't really change at will) and the thought that I still wanted my pupil master as my pupil master reminded me of my foolishness..

Perhaps it's just the tiredness that's making me down.. It was the same feeling when Paul briefed us about the firm's retention policy today. Somehow, the weird me just felt weird again.. like.. I wasn't supposed to be there... especially when I know I'm not going to stay on, no matter what.. Couldn't help but notice that Paul said the firm would try its best to retain all 11 pupils.. that number would have included me... but the problem is... I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.. they've already been way too nice to take me in.. there is no way, no reason whatsoever to keep someone who didn't even get in through the interviews... much as I tried not to be a pupil that my pupil master would be ashamed to have.. somehow, I still think I'm the worst pupil in the firm... And despite this niceness on their part, I'm still feeling gloomy today.. what an ungrateful brat.. I need to SNAP OUT OF IT NOW!!

Interestingly, typing this entire incoherent entry actually made me feel so much better.. With a smile etched on my face, tomorrow will be a better day.

ReVeRiEz on PaNiC AtTaCk!

This IS bad.. My severe panic attack strikes again and I simply can't calm myself down. I can even feel my heart racing at unknown heartbeats per second, and the panic is just making it difficult to concentrate.. What's wrong with me?
Somehow, MSN is both a boon and a bane.. Good in the sense that it provides some form of distraction when I need a break from absorbing, and chatting with some calms be down.. Yet, on the other hand, the speed at how most people seem to be progressing is severely stressing me out, I think..
I'll be fine.. I'll be fine... I'll be fine... ermz.. right?

ReVeRiEz on A CoLd TuEsDaY

It's a bit hard not to notice that the rainy season is here again. Funny, has it been a while since it rained so hard during the rainy season? These few days, I seem to have the uncanny feeling that I've felt this before many many years ago, yet, that sense of familarity, I simply couldn't grasp why. It was just a feeling of coolness with a tinge of helplessness and deja vu... and I can't even put my finger to when I last felt this.. It's just... a long while ago, I think..

********

The weather is so cold today, I really didn't want to get up. This is really bad, considering that the exams start next Monday and I'm no where finishing my revision for my first paper. Has my attention span got so much worse? Or have I always been like that? To make matters worse, my panic attacks have started popping up, and I can't study when I'm panicking... gosh.. Anyone wants to suggest anywhere for me to study in? (Weiguang's idea of studying in the Science library is so not practical.. I'll feel so out of place there!!! But truly, I think a change of environment to study in would do me a bit of good.. I think)
How how how?? Would I survive PLC at all????? Argh....

********

Updated: To Daniel's suggestion that I cane myself when I don't study.. NOT BAD!! But I'll look like a badly abused kid at the end of my exams... and who's fault is that? =p
Further updated: This is really boliaoz.. but..

DaNtAw says:u study hard ah.. and i will reward u a sweet next time..
ReVeRiEzz "I'm COLD!!! Brrrr..." says: i want a CUTE sweet, can?
DaNtAw says: of course!!

Haha... Daniel owes me a CUTE sweet now.. haha.. =) Somehow, I think Daniel regrets this already.. Haha

ReVeRiEz on TiMe

I must be a nocturnal animal in a human shell.. Somehow, I just don't seem to study well in the day. Anyway, was clearing my 'My Received Files' folder, and chanced upon some photos that I haven't seen in a long long while

That was VSA camp 2003, the first time that we (ie. me, Qi and GK) participated in the camp. I started off being highly apprehensive.. me? looking after the disabled? But things wasn't as bad as I thought. In fact, my group was one of the easiest to handle.. The most well behaved. And the volunteers from that camp seemed to be closer, at least in my opinion.

And then, VSA camp 2004 came and went. Vicknesh had school and so, the rather lousy camp coordinates switched my group approximately 2.5 hours before we were supposed to turn up. Somehow, June ought be quite rather honoured.. My memories of the camp was mainly me and Weishi shouting at her for god knows how long.. or Qi Guang for that matter, for his lack of manners to those who were nicer to him (ie. Roy) Over-protective of my fellow group volunteer? or just plainly more bad-tempered? I don't know. But the camp did made me lose utter respect for some supposedly in authority figure, I suppose..

Thanks to the 2003 camp, some of us volunteers remained in touch. Though we started off having absolutely nothing to say at our birthday gatherings.. I guess it's better now, as compared to Daniel's 1st birthday celebration, though I wonder why we're always meeting up for someone's birthday. Luckily, our birthdays are at least spread-out a little, so we still get to meet at different times in the year (though I realised.. aside from Gary whose birthday is in January, none of us have birthdays in the first half of the year.. Daniel's birthday is also much closer to the second half of the year too)

This year's VSA camp, I doubt any of us would be taking part. Wonder how the camp would be like this year, and whether Benson is going again.. In any case, even though these camps and other voluntary stuff may have been tedious, it's all part of my growing up. (Can't help but be reminded of Yunxiang and Shixiang.. wonder how they are now.. )

Just like tuition. Last year, it was Karen. This year, Darryl's graduating (or rather, he's finished his O levels by now). Didn't exactly get a chance to get anything for Darryl, since his mum cancelled the last tuition (which also means I've to sms her for my pay.. something which I dislike doing) Four years already, time flies doesn't it?

This time next year.. What would I be doing? What would I be thinking about?

One thing for sure... I'll still be in the process of growing up.. and getting more reticient (however it's spelt) .. and perhaps in Calvin's words.. mysterious (am I? hahahah....)

Disclaimer (it's been a long while since I've resorted to this huh?): In case you are wondering why these posts sound sian, yah lahz.. I admit I'm feeling gloomy and perhaps a tad irritable lately.. and my various means of external stimulus can only get me chirpier for a short while.. I'll be fine in a short while.. I'm sure =)

Updated on 22nd Nov: Just for the sake of completeness, according to my highly reliable source(aka Gary) there won't be any need for volunteers this year. Ah well.. who cares?

ReVeRiEz on On-ThE-JoB TrAiNiNg

A bit tired of studying (okiez.. I agree I'm permanently tired of studying, but that's not the point).. Anyway, as I was saying.. I'm just way too sianz of doing notes (at least that was what I did the whole of yesterday, well almost) so I shall slack a little while more.

Just got back from on-the-job training.. It's been a long while since I could feel for people, I think, yet somehow, today's short little OTJ just made me feel more human, less cold. It's been a long long time since I've done any volunteer work, even the last VSA camp was almost a year ago. But VSA camp, with all the scoldings (aimed at some uncooperative campers) and being pissed off (esp by the lousy-at least-in-my-humble-opinion social worker) didn't help me find the compassion that I once had..

Must be the lack of rest and the do-i-have-a-home syndrome acting up again. Else, how could I actually feel for others?

Photos from Last Edu-dine!

Since Clarissa has just sent me the photos, I thought I would just upload them.

With Beatrice

With Clarissa

ReVeRiEz on My pErFeCt FrIeNdS

Even if I do not have a very decent family atmosphere, I still think I'm one of the luckiest persons on earth.. You know why?

Cause I have the MOST perfect friends in the world!

And you know what?

I LOVE my friends!

Even if I have to power to change, I'll never want to be someone else, even if it means I would shed less tears in a place where most people feel safe in. Simply because, I feel like the luckiest person on earth to have these people as my friends. Where else can you find friends who allow you to be the brattiest (of there's such a word) of brats all the time?

* * * * * * * *

Calvin, thanks for borrowing 7.2kg worth of books and lugging them all the way to my lift door! You know, even my dad wouldn't do that for me.. In fact I'll be thankful if I'm not the one who's supposed to carry those heavy stuff instead.. And you could have gone home directly too, then you wouldn't have to walk in the rain when you had your laptop with you.. I mean, lugging those books cannot be more important as compared to you not falling sick during exams (touch wood) and protecting your laptop.. 谢谢!

On the same note, Koon, thanks for obliging me with those books, and all the way to Chinatown too. Chinatown Point is not far from subordinate courts, and it's awfully near if you were to compare Chinatown to NUS, Chinatown to Yishun or Chinatown to Town area. You know, even though the 'Gan ma' label has stuck on since JC, you've always behaved so much more like a Da Ge that I've always wished I had, catering to all my unreasonable behaviour and taking them with a pinch of salt, to the point that... I think you're one of the causes of me being a brat lohz.. *points finger at you* But seriously, by the looks of it, I think I'll never be able to finish paying off all the 人情债 I owe you by the end of this lifetime lohz... so you have to think twice about being nice, or you better start demanding favours from me yahz?

okok.. these two paragraphs look weird here.. but, I doubt I'll say such things in real life.. weird lahz... anyway, I think I need to stop, else my eyes will start brimming with tears.. disgustingly over-emotional, I must agree.. How else would Jini once comment that I'm not cut out for law? haha..

ReVeRiEz oN iT'S tHe CoMpAnY yOu HaVe tHaT mAtTeRs

Really couldn't help but be reminded of a particular scene some TCS drama 7 years ago where Ann Kok's character made a really apt statement about how one's company mattered more than the surrounding circumstances.

So often, each of us can have different reaction to the same thing done by a different person.. Just as being in the company of different people invoke different reactions.

Met up with Alicia and Itak today. Not that we did much different either... just food and walking around.. and there were periods of silences too. But unlike in many other occasions, silence did not equate with awkwardness. It was just a feeling of comfortable silence and that's it.

Interestingly, I realised that it wasn't too difficult disclosing more matters than what I normally would too. Don't know why, but at that moment, I couldn't help but compare how different it was with another supposedly close friend. Itak da ge was simply very much like a da ge I could trust.. and I could just speak my mind freely and matter-of-factly, without worrying that whatever I had uttered would turn into a weapon used to hurt me later on.

Really couldn't help but recall what popped into my mind again not too long ago. It seems that as time flies pass, the friends that I treasure most are still those I've met before Uni.. (okiez.. with the exception of a really small tiny minority) They're the ones who can still brighten my day just by their presence even on the gloomiest days. They're the ones who I would be willing to do anything for, just as many of them have become my pillars of support over the years. And I'll always be indebted to them, for providing their rays of sunshine..

ReVeRiEz on cOnFiDaNtEs..

Somehow the spelling looks weird, but in any case, what matters is that I understand what I'm typing right?

Whilst typing this entry I'm actually chatting with a friend on a separate window. This kind of night, this kind of weather coupled with being able to chat with a trusted friend, or rather confiding in the friend and letting out some pent-up stress within... it just feels very comfortable and relaxing.. so much so that I don't want to sleep at all

Can't help but be reminded of Itak and for that matter, Darmaji.. It's been years since I chatted with them on the phone or through sms through the night.. In fact, I think they're the only ones whom I've actually used a phone to chat with in the wee hours of the morning, in the dark study room, hidden somewhere amongst my tables.. or if it's sms... I'll be lying on my pillow and smsing away..

And whilst typing this, my runaway imagination is beginning to dream of sitting back to back with a close friend and just talk...... just like JC days perhaps...

I love the night... cause it makes the insecure me most secure.. especially with the cool weather... (but don't ask me why much as I love the night, I'm also scared of the night... I'm just plain contradictory huh?)

How much do I trust people? I really don't know.. Still remembered Kok Sing and his naggy backlash theory. Why do I feel more comfortable talking about my thoughts when I don't see the other party? And even so, why do I still not type/write everything? Hmm..

Still.. the feeling tonight is just very comfortable. something I haven't felt in a long long long time.. Perhaps I'll just savour and quit analysing yahz?

And of course, considering that I still don't feel comfortable showing emotions to people.. Thank you, the unfortunate friend whom I've been chatting with.. it really feels very dreamily nice today.. truly.. =)

ReVeRiEz on A mIxEd pLeThOrA oF tHiNgS

Somehow, my titles are getting lamer and lamer. Sooner or later, I'll be forced to abandon my theme (in case no one has ever noticed, it's 'ReVeRiEz on -----')

********

CDR today.

It's high time I put a stop to my paranoid nature. It's just a 10-15 minutes CDR and there wasn't much to prepare. So why on earth did I turn cold at the thought of it? And it's not the first time this week either. On Monday, I freaked myself out too, at the thought of temp-ing as an admin staff in Legal. It's not like I've never worked there before. Besides it was just a 3 day temp job! What's wrong with me??

Anyway, CDR was... fun? Not much was done today. It was more of a mini lecture on how a CDR is carried out, with us taking a minor role in the simulated programme today. I love the part about refusing to budge from a particular position and telling the judge that one had tried hard at persuading the client before getting to that figure. Mental note: must be more firm!

Not that I would have much chance to do that either. I don't even know where I will be, what I will be doing this time next year. Except that I won't be staying on after pupillage, that is. No matter how I've tried, I just can't get rid of the feeling that I am leeching on them, and my pupil master just because of Income. I didn't get in on my own accord, and that makes me feel inferior, even to a certain Mr Sunil. A case of thinking to much, right? Much as I truly absolutely admire my pupil master, I really do not want to be a burdensome leech. Then again, what I think now may not be what the situation is then. Just like me not wanting to do pupillage at Rodyk because of Income, yet after everything, I'm back at square 1 again. Hmm...

********

The two days temp (at least for now) were quite fine actually. Once again, it was just paranoid me thinking too much and freaking myself out on Monday. Still don't understand why Vincent wanted an extra staff just because Han was on leave. I mean, it's not like they really needed another admin stuff other than Irene. A mental count of the amount of admin work done in 2 days came up to less than 10 tasks, each being less than 5 minutes (or somewhere around there). The rest of the time was spent doing legal stuff for Vincent. And he already has 3 interns (and he's the mentor of one of the interns)!! But the presence of interns do stress me out a bit. Somehow, I think they're brilliant (even the two Temasek poly gals) and Christina is even better. I feel quite dumb now, and I'm supposed to be their scholar right? Sigh.. who ever has heard of a dumb scholar??

********

Ok, I really really can't help not typing this. Dip Sing guys are so nice!!!! Okiez, enough of the emphasis, but they really ARE very nice, as compared to so many other guys I know. Was in the lift today when my Plaintiff mentioned that he preferred Suntec to Raffles Place, and I merely 'complained' that I preferred Raffles Place instead, simply because I didn't have to walk through such longer distance. And then, my Plaintiff (okiez.. I think I need to stop calling my Plaintiff as Plaintiff.. haah) simply offered to give me a lift to the station!! Nice right? Just like the other day when Yinghuan, Rongxuan and I needed to get to Supreme court and couldn't get a cab. I started walking back towards Subcourts, hoping that there might be some empty ones there else we would be late! Then, I saw Kum Fu (correct spelling? Hmm... ) walking out of Subordinate Courts and since he's in the same tutorial class, which meant we were equally unlucky to be down for the dumb Legal Technology Workshop (which should be more aptly renamed as Hard Sale of Legal Tech Session), I merely asked if he wanted to go with us. And he simply replied that he has a car and offerred a lift!

okiez.. in my mum's words, I'm so easily pleased.. but still, I don't really see such behaviour in the guys I know, really! I'll be glad if I didn't have to play big sister to some, or tolerate some others' behaviour.. Wonder if it's just me, or in another friend's words 'What did NUS do to the guys?' Hmm....

********

And finally, had a weird dream this afternoon. Okiez, I shall correct that a little. The dream was not weird per se, but the rational analysis of why I had the dream made it weird. For one, one main character in my dream was someone I had not been in contact with in a long long while. And it's the 2nd time in a matter of one month, I supposed, that this person appeared in my dream. Weird right? Haha, but even when I'm asleep, I'm still partially alert. There was one scene when my sis told me the person was in the Police force, and my first reaction, at least in the dream was, this person took up a Navy scholarship, so why the Police force? Later when I got up, I 'discovered' more discrepancies.. something to the point of the birthday mentioned should not be correct.

And no.. I'm not weird in analysing my dream! It's just that.. I really can't understand why the dream. Hmm...

Wonder if I'll see that senior of mine anytime in future. Irregardlessly (is there such a word? Hmm..) that senior will always be a senior that I look up to..

ReVeRiEz on AtTaChMeNt

Before I rush off for my CPCM review session, I shall type some quick reflections for the past few days..

And just in case, nopez.. this does not have anything to do with job attachment per se, but emotionally attachment.

Not that there has been many things happening lately, but small, insignificant events are usually those that have the greatest impact. For one, I realised a friend whom I used to believe was a close friend was no longer as important a friend to me. And of course, I was reminded about how much certain group/category of people meant to me.

Time really does flies. It's already been 2 years since I've known them. From the little kids they were, to the still as lively as ever soon-to-be secondary school graduants, their smiles and tears have all left a deep impression in me. Perhaps what I type makes me sound awfully old, you know, like the mother hen and little chick game where I used to play in primary school, but no matter how physically/emotionally tired I get, just watching them makes everything feel better. And it doesn't matter whether they understand or appreciate it, just watching them grow up (and for some, change) stronger, happily, through the years is good enough.. And soon, they'll each be pursuing their own goals in life.

Do hope they'll do well for their exams next week.. really..

Good luck 4A, 4B, 4D! It's been my pleasure to have known and grow up with you over the years. You've taught me a lot more than I can learn anywhere else, and have given me a lot more happiness (not to mention anger too, at times) in the process. I'll really miss being with all of you at one single time

4D... one of my favourite classes

4A and 4B

The boys from 4A

Nicky, one of the group of 3 who was most interested in his work

And here's Jeremy, one of the most soft spoken boys in his class.

Some of the girls from 4A

A photo with 4A

This doesn't sound too good, does it? Haha....

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

ReVeRiEz on LaNtErN!

In a good mood now, because I've got a lantern!!!!!

Me and my Lantern!

Met up with Gek Koon today to pass him the turtle mooncakes (or is it moon biscuits?) Had lunch at Far East and sat there chatting.. It's been a long while since I'm there on a school day. Saw a lot of RGS girls, and that does bring back a teeny weeny bit of memories!

And then.. at the train station whilst I was waiting for the train, I decided to look at how many VCDs there were for that particular show that Koon passed to me.. and lo and behold! I saw the lantern! To think that I had merely put up my request to have a lantern on msn over the weekends! I didn't expect anyone to have taken me seriously! =) and so, I've a lantern now!

Ok, thankfully I was in a good mood plus I was actually a bit tired (I was actually nodding off during the family law tutorial and I think the tutor noticed it..) such that when the train jerked and I fell and accidentally stepped on some bitch on the train and that bitch actually gave me a slap on the arm... I didn't react. Hey, I've already apologised to that bitch before that... thankfully I was calm. Otherwise, come to think of it now, I should have said.. 'what's your problem, you dead 38?' Totally ah-lian behaviour, but who cares. I hate middle aged bitches anyway. Come to think of it.. I sure her toe nails are blue black today. Hahaha.. I'm evil, but who cares...

ReVeRiEz on sTuPiD bLoGsPoT..

The title wasn't meant to be this at first, but sigh... I pressed one button and everything I had typed earlier disappeared! Oh well..

As I was saying..

Ms Too called this morning!! Apparently, she was in the other day. The security guard pointed me to the WRONG doorbell! They had already moved to another building within the compound. It was a case of so near yet so far. Or perhaps what people would say 'fate'! What to do? all i can say is... argh... SECURITY GUARDDS!!

Met Tingting for lunch this afternoon. She's so much different from when she was in Legal, or for that matter Internal Audit (I think). She was so stressed then, but less so now. And she's going on a company paid trip to Japan for some conference! I am so envious!

Hmm.. but all these just reminded me of my own 'decision'.. just a few more months at Rodyk and I won't be working there anymore (not that I am now.. haha) I guess I really do like the environment there, but I guess the Income-link still creates some complication, at least for me. Oh well, things will turn out fine somehow, so no point worrying, right?

One of my dear friends has been fanatically putting up loads and loads of her photos, making me tempted too! Good thing I'm using my sis's laptop now and not my actual computer with scanner attached. Oh well, but I guess I'll join in the photo-fanatic and put it up someday.. when I'm done with my MoA and CPCM, can? (Anyone who sees me online, please do ask if I've finished my work and if I've not, kick me away!!) Word of warning though.. I look super tooot when I was younger (not that I'm not toot now.. but... that's besides the point, k?) Besides.. ehz... someone never ask for my permission to put up a photo with me in it! Haha.. later I come after you then you know (but still.. the photo is not too bad, so.. I'll give you permission.. haha)

Think I'm getting a bit bonkers now, so I shall continue another day! =)

HaPpY ReVeRiEz

Actually, I'm not exactly happy .. happy lahz.. but still, it just feels good.

Received an sms from Karen today. It's been 9 months since I've last heard from her. Time really does fly and it's been 5 years already. I really can't imagine having taught her since sec 1, and now, she's in JC1. I guess same goes for Darryl. From the Sec 1 boy, he has grown to be the Sec 4 boy he is now.. Though still as mischievous at times.

ReVeRiEz on TeAcHeRs' DaY

Somehow, I seem to be blogging whenever my brain starts going on strike.. and it seems like I won't get much tutorial done by tonight with that throbbing of my head..

Woke up later than I had planned. Was supposed to keep Gek Joo company when she amends her call papers. That, after I've done with popping by at the building which is the revised version of what was supposed to be my primary school. Somehow, with terrorism and stuff going on around the world, security everywhere is getting hilarious. This is best summarised by a group of RGS girls I overheard 'Do we look like terrorists? Fine, my school bag looks like it'll contain bombs'

Yes, the day started off with me arguing with a STUPID security guard. Okiez, let me qualify that. I've absolutely no problems with the tighter security, but at least employ a decent security guard, can?

SG: Where are you going?
Me: The General Office?
SG: Why are you going to the General Office?
Me: Cause the sign beside you says 'Visitors please proceed to the General Office'?
SG: ok, so why are you going to the General Office?
Me: Because of the sign? Have you seen the sign?
SG: you can't wander around the school, you know? Where are you from?
Me: I'm an ex-student
SG: You can't wander around. You want to look for teachers, you look from there
*points at the canteen filled with students ONLY*
Me: ok, I'll leave my stuff with the office then. Can I exchange my pass for a Visitor Pass?
SG: No need pass, no need pass. You are only going to leave things at the General Office. Don't need to change pass. Very fast.
Me: But can I change? I might see a teacher and start talking
SG: You are only going General Office. Very fast one. No need to change lahz.
Me: BUT CAN I CHANGE?

and that 'conversation' went on for 5-10 minutes, at the end of which.. I was on the verge of strangling the STUPID guard who couldn't read the sign beside him, and thought that I wouldn't be able to figure out where to sign in his record book. It really didn't help that I was still feeling ultra sleepy and was in a rush. And in case you are wondering (just as my sis and mum did) he's NOT old (unless you count 30++ old, of course)

Minus the irritating security guard incident (and he was the only security that got on my nerves today.. Hey, I was nice to everyone else, other than him of course) the day went somewhat well.

Mrs Lim seemed, as usual, glad to see me. Hmm.. but I can't help but wonder at a particular part of her conversation, which incidentally felt like a repeat of what I heard from others last Thurs, and which I was to hear again later. A topic that I (at least I think I did) broached a teeny weeny bit on yesterday.

Yes.. and in case you are wondering... it's the Merits of Getting Married.

Am I THAT old? Somehow people seem to enjoy telling me that I should start looking out for the right guy.. and what else? Mrs Lim went on about how it will seem nice and good now when I'm still young, but as I AGE, it'll be nice to have someone to share my problems, to help me solve my problems, to take care of me.. etcetc.. and the best part (which I'm totally amused about) was how I should start a relationship with both eyes open, but once in a marriage, keep both eyes closed..

Ignoring the last part, no doubt I do agree with her views, that is, when I was outside. The moment I step back here, I'll be pulled back into reality, that fairy tales hardly ever exist. Still, I don't deny that my mind did wander somewhere whilst she was talking, but nahz.. I don't think that's ever meant to be, or perhaps, I still am too insecure to want anything to be in the first place..

At least Ms Chua was slightly milder when broaching the same topic. But we did spend quite a bit of time admiring the cuteness of her son. Oh.. and a bit on Mr Tek's 3-week old son too!

Actually, I didn't exactly expected myself to drop by NJC today. Admittedly, I did buy stuff for Ms Chua and Mr Tek, but yet, I felt a bit awkward at turning up. Well, thanks to the speed of the 'smart' security (okok, I shall stop my streak of security guard abuse) and the 'wonderful' public transport system in Singapore, I would be late for class anyway, so I thought I would just hop on the first bus I saw (and that brought me to NJC) But, even though I wasn't planning to drop by NJC, Ms Chua and Mr Tek didn't have to talk quite a bit of JianPing right? Ehz.. he's not there, k? and if they want him to come back and teach, they can ask him themselves! Haha.. Surprisingly, Ms Chua still remembers the Teachers' Day gift that Mr Chai and I bought for her and she's still using the glass! Makes me can't help but wonder what happened to a similar glass we got for Mrs Khoo, the toy car for Mr Lee and more importantly, the umbrella which we drew on for Mrs Chiew!

When I was on the bus, I was still looking at my watch and wondering how I would kill 2.5hours before my lunch appointment. I thought my trip back to NJ would be over in at most 0.5hours, yet, in the end, it exceeded time. But it was great to be back in NJ, and weirdly enough, it felt more comfy than what I had felt at IJ.. oh well..

And then, it was down to NUS! Haven't been back for a month plus and it sure feels really long. For one, the engine canteen felt a lot brighter. And the stalls more attractive. Not that I went there very often either. But sufficient for me to note a difference, I guess. Still, what's more important was that the lunch company was great, and that's what matters, right? (at this point, I can't help but be reminded of a scene from some TCS drama, Piano 88 many many years ago) Just suddenly realised, I can't even remember when was the last time I had lunch with Derrick alone. Hmm... okiez lahz, but he's much more gentlemanly now and I was quite surprised that he offered to buy food..

Didn't get to see Dr Thinnapan nor Ms Too today. Left their card plus cookie in the pigeon hole and with the security guard respectively. Actually, I was a bit disappointed not to see Ms Too. Hey, I made the trip all the way to Chestnut Drive cause I thought it's been years since we've seen her and I don't think I'll get this much free time to travel everywhere this time next year. But it's ok.. I'm sure there'll always be other opportunities.

Jieying just smsed me a Teachers' Day sms. Feeling bad that I didn't especially dote on her or thought of her as my 'pet' when I was taking her batch for music. Can't help but jot me to reality that.. reciprocity does not always exist..

Before I end off.. I NEED TO HUNT FOR MDM KOK'S ADDRESS.. I'll seem super dumb if I sms her to ask for her address cause I simply can't find it right? And on that note, I'll be super grateful if anyone can give me Mrs Angelina Leong's mailing address..

** Mental note: I should have brought a camera! Then I can take photos with my teachers and lunch companion and put it up here! ARgh.... **

ReVeRiEz on rEaL LiFe

Sometimes, when you begin to day-dream (again), people around you will bring you back to reality and remind you of how you ended up with your philosophy.

Once again I've gone back to my withdraw-into-myself mode at home.

Sometimes, I wonder at how parents tend to pat themselves on their backs for being wonderful parents, without realising that what they see is not what they get. Oh well, everyone loves an illusion, I guess.

And not all kids fare badly either. They become street smart, and some are even super kids (whatever that term was supposed to denote for sociology)

In case you are wondering, I just got reminded (this afternoon) of my personal philosophy of why people should stay unattached.. Not too bad a reminder and a timely one, I suppose.

On a lighter note, Teachers' Day celebration tomorrow. To all the teachers I've respected (basically all my teachers other than a few black sheeps) and especially the following teachers:

1. Sister Pauline Too
2. Sister Joan Tay
3. Mrs Irene Goh
4. Mrs Lim Gam Hing
5. Mdm Kok Yoke Sim
6. Mrs Angelina Leong
7. Mrs Wong (my F&N teacher)
8. Mr Foo Wee Cheong
9. Mrs Christina Khoo
10. Mr Jimmy Lee
11. Mr Tek Yong Shoun

I'll just like to say a big "Happy Teachers' Day!" and of course, Thank you!