That's what friends are for...

Don't ask me what that title, that song just popped into my head, and there it goes, up as the title for the current entry.

Holidays officially started yesterday. Though Friday's matters seemed poised to be a huge storm to my holidays, yet it's just like when you hear the weather forecast, you can always avoid the area until the clouds blow over.

At least that's what I did, which explains why this pathetic gal here spent 2+ hours in the school's library, furiously zapping away.. No, don't worry, it's not my idea of great fun, but when you can't think of where to waste your time, and shopping centres can't last you the entire late morning cum noon, you're forced to improvise.

Still, I guess for a BRAT like me, I should be thankful that I've friends who cater to my requests.

Just like the official first day of my freedom started on the right note. Thanks to an old friend who kept me company the entire afternoon. Not sure if that friend felt bored. If he did, he didn't say, so it's impossible for an insensitive person like me to know, yah? Still, the eating, walking around aimless was good fun, not because of the activities themselves, but just cause of the company, I guess.

Another friend told me the other day that having a packed day like mine sounds good.. Yet, I was so tempted to say that sometimes, I'll really love a rest too, if only I could. The reminders of having to force myself out even though I was awfully unwell doesn't sound any bit enticing to me.. Ah well...

I guess I'll say that I'm always running away.. Running, running and running.. yet, just as in real life, my stamina is not that good.. I tend to tire out too.. Just that sometimes, I don't even know what to hold on to.. it's just run, run and run..

I guess that's where I've got certain friends to thank.. For not complaining even though I act like a brat.. Come to think of it, I do get brattier and brattier as I grow older.. Hmm.. a reversal of age? Still, I better start counting my lucky stars..

On a lighter note, I got a friendster message from a particular senior I admire. Am I just too sleepy to feel extra cheery... Under normal circumstances, I would feel so, right? Still, it's good to know he's doing his masters now.. hmm... another smart guy... it's only his 4th year... and it's already masters....

倔强
曲：阿信 词：阿信 编：五月天

当 我和世界不一样 那就让我不一样
坚持对我来说 就是以刚克刚
我 如果对自己不行 如果对自己说谎
即使别人原谅 我也不能原谅

最美的愿望 一定最疯狂
我就是我自己的神 在我活的地方

我和我最后的倔强 握紧双手绝对不放
下一站是不是天堂 就算失望不能绝望

我和我骄傲的倔强 我在风中大声的唱
这一次为自己疯狂 就这一次 我和我的倔强
(就这一次 让我大声唱啦啦啦...)

对 爱我的人别紧张 我的固执很善良
我的手越肮髒 眼神越是发光
你 不在乎我的过往 看到了我的翅膀
你说过被火烧过才能出现凤凰

逆风的方向 更适合飞翔
我不怕千万人阻挡 只怕自己投降
________________________________
I wanna go Plaza Sing.. Argh... why must there be exams?!?

Exam Timetable

LAL1201: Tamil 1
Date: 19/11/2004
Time: 9:00 AM
Venue: AS6-02-09/14
Seat Number: 16

CL2281: Translation and Interpretation
Venue: AS6-02-09/14
Seat Number: 90
Date: 20/11/2004
Time: 1:00 PM

LL4019 : Credit and Security
Date: 26/11/2004
Time: 2:30 PM
Venue: Sheares Hall
Seat Number: 111


LL4006:Banking Law
Venue: Moot Court
Seat Number: 51
Date: 02/12/2004
Time: 9:00 AM

Even with Topics in Financial Law, Marine Insurance Law and IT Law 1 over... Still have 4 more modules to stretch me further.. Praying really really hard...

Oh.. and hopefully the pain in my left wrist and finger would go off soon... and that hand regains its strength... Hmm...

LAST tuition...

Had my last tuition with Karen today... interesting how time flies... 4 years have passed... from a fresh sec 1 gal.. she's now one of the seniors in school.. and me? from a freshie to a... oldie? haha..

even though travelling to her place was dreadful esp when i had to rush my work.. you would think that i'll be super happy that i won't have to wait for 136s any more.. yet.. somehow, there was still the tinge of yi yi bu she...

afterall, it's been 4 years...

Financial Law Paper in a few hours time...

Gosh.. i AM envious of Sherwin, Sandra, Reichmann etc... they get to play whilst I'm still stuck..

1 oral down on Tues... Topics in Financial Law Paper will be out at 4pm.. and I've not finished reading every single article... Thinking of completing my Tamil homework instead.. Wonder why Hougang is written as 'Havgaan'? Doesn't sound the least bit like Hougang.. Hmm..

Looking forward to Tues.. That'll mean Financial Law paper down, and Interpretation Oral Exam down.. that'll leave me to mug for my Marine Insurance weekend paper... and tamil oral.. Have decided.. I'll deal with IT Law 1 after Tamil Oral... and then 2 days to complete my part of the notes for Credit and Security...

Okiez.. hope I keep to mental timetable...

Wonder if we're invited to dad's colleague's place again for Deepavali... I simply LOVE his cooking! Besides... I need to get a chance to show off my pathetic Tamil, yah? [just realised yesterday... I don't know how to say 'Shut up!', but am able to say 'Get out!' Just imagine using it on students if I ever get the chance.. haha... send them out of class, just cause I can only say the later..]

Heard on fm88.3 that there'll be the sequel to Bridget Jones' Diary in December.. can't help recalling who I watched the first part with.. Time really flies huh?

Jigsaw thoughts

当烦恼越来越多
玻璃弹珠越来越少
我知道我已慢慢地长大了
红色的蜻蜓曾几何时
也在我岁月里慢慢不见了

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The 4-in-1 keychain Christmas present that Vicknesh gave.. the knife doesn't work.. regardless of how much force is used to scratch against certain easily cut surface, nothing happens.. What type of knife is that?!?

****************

在难免有风有雨
人生长路上
因为你我会变得更坚强

****************


About 5 years ago, I had to drop a subject. I refused to display a single sign of emotion in class. Even in the toilet, when another classmate started crying, I still didn't cry. Hardly said a single word the whole day in school. Didn't want to comment about how I was feeling. Remembered the 1st thing I did during recess was to leave a message to my most dependable friend, the one I trusted most, just to say 'I really have to drop a subject'.

***************

软弱的时候
我不会低头
多么幸运和你一起走

****************

Fast forward 5 years. Sent an utterly senseless and weird sms to the same person. But this time, it was more because I felt safe. Thought that same friend would not have any reaction, would not care and would not reply, so that I won't be such a bother to those I consider friends. Was surprised to get an sms after a while. There was a missed call too, but I wonder if it was merely accidental pressing of the wrong button..

****************

别以为我不在乎
面无表情叫做酷

****************

Was listening to << 孤单北半球 >> for the whole day.. Somehow, it seems the melody, the voice proved the only calming effect...

****************

家里到课堂
永远迟到慌张
成绩单要往哪里藏
不要批评我的智商
有太多期望
想带着玩具
到处流浪

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A man's dreams are an index to his greatness - Zadoc Rabinowitz

You know you haven't been blogging for a long while when the layout of the blog looks unfamiliar to you

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One year, 365 days.. Numerous changes..

"If only time could freeze at that moment.."

Sounds familiar? Whenever things go wrong, it's so much easier to look back and wish things were like they were before, yet, is it possible?

Who is to guarantee that the environment would remain the same? The people in the scenario will not change? Like what I had copied in many entries earlier, the only thing that does not change is but change itself..

Express students in N(A), N(A) students in Express, mischievous ones becoming well behaved, or even students quitting school..

Familiarity surrounded by strangeness. Know yet not know.

But it's always good to be updated.. =) Familiar, likeable faces breeds happiness..

If only the changes applied to most of those adults. The cannot-make-it ones to be can-make it. Or perhaps attempt to improve their EQ and English before they attempt to pass on the right knowledge..

All these revamps in our education system seem to forget one important thing.. deal with the quality of the knowledge-attributor first...

Your element is Rain: Sad, lonely, distant and unique. You are quite distant from emotion and people, but you have been made this way by one thing or another. Your are truly unique yet fail to see it, and are quite creative be it in art, music, writing, etc.. You used to let people in now you don't even bother to try having been hurt so many times in the past. Your attitude is that you don't need anyone but yourself, people are just trouble waiting to happen. But you really do want to trust someone no matter if you see it or not, deep down your waiting for someone to come and set you free. This kind of depression can turn dangerous, don't let them get to you. Not everyone in the world will hurt you, humans are humans and are not perfect. So most likely sooner or later you'll meet someone who feels like you do and perhaps your shell will eventually disappear.

Contradictory

Ever had the experience that you didn't really want something that badly, yet when you get a negative response, you still had this niggling weird feeling?

Humans are such contradictory creatures. If you had wanted something, and then you didn't get it, granted, you would feel upset. Yet, it's interesting how one actually has this uncomfortable feeling too when one didn't put in any effort to apply for something, couldn't be bothered and then gets a rejection call. Perhaps it's just ego deflating.. 

Serenity missed..

Someone should tell our government that there's one weak link in their pro-family campaign. Make sure that single ie. unmarried young lawyers are not allowed to do divorce cases.. Just imagine hearing all the unhappy marriages, and of course, the 'helpful' clients who tell you never ever to get married..

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Something interesting in the news today.. Those who know me since jc would probably have greater idea about why I'm so interested in today's LianHe ZaoBao, as well as the New Paper (by the way, I didn't get the latter, so if any kind soul out that has it.. perhaps, you would like to present it to me? No.. I don't need the entire paper.. merely 2 pages..)

Time flies. Can't believe it's been 4 years already. Nevertheless, it's always wonderful to see nice stuff happening to people you know.. I mean, it's always nice to see them living a smooth-sailing life.. 

By the way, even though I love hearing that people I admire are in the papers, I do not think anyone enjoys the suspense at being told some things but not others.. it's kind of irritating, by the way..

Cebu trip gathering..

Just got back from my dinner with Cebu trip people.. Now that we've started counting.. it's been 5 years since our trip.. and about 3 years since we've all seen each other..

Meisi, Martin, Shamini, Carole.. kind of sad that they didn't make it in the end, but nonetheless, seeing Huihui, Lizhen, Jini, Adrian, Sijie and Guoxing was great too.. interestingly, Sharon Phua's name seemed to pop up now and then.. in fact, her name was even more memorable than Mr Tan's! Haha.. it just proves that in order to be remembered, you've got to be really really notorious =)

Somehow, this is one of the first gathering where I really really felt very happy just seeing/talking to the people.. and then still have that cheery feeling lingering by the time I'm home.. Not that we have that much in common.. Each of us are now doing our own stuff.. Huihui, Lizhen working at PWC, Jini waiting for her results.. Sijie the piano teacher... etc.. but somehow with the craps and stuff.. everything just felt the same... as if we were transported back in time..

Sometimes, it's not what we are doing that matters, but how much effort we put into something..

Come to think of it.. Cebu was really one of my best memories of jc life..

Reveriez reverie-ing
 
Argh! It must have been years since I've typed an entry, so much so that the earlier post that I typed turned out blank! But well, it does proves my earlier unpublished point on how things not remaining stagnant in time.
 
Memory is such an interesting thing.. Why do we all have indelible memory or better still, not have forgettory instead? Why do people actually think that happy memories are cherished ones, and sad memories are best forgotten? Sadly, happy memories are sometimes the culprit leading to a person's downfall. Just because the current happenings pale in comparison with those happy memories, some tend to be totally absorbed in them, neglecting the more important NOW.. Of course, these treasured memories can't be totally faulted either.. They are equally capable of bringing some warmth into rainy cold days too..
 
Cliche as it sounds, time does fly.. It's been a year since the last Racial Harmony Day came and left.. When I came across the entry in a friend's blog, somehow, I could clearly remember the classes I took that day last year, and even some of the clothes donned by them. And it's already been a year.. A blurry one in fact.. Interestingly, I do miss them a bit every now and then still...
 
And yes, SMP training yesterday. For some unknown reason, I was just totally drained at the end of it.. I can't say the 3 social workers did not make any effort.. In fact they did. The newspapers balls were really well made, as compared to the ones Victor used then. In fact, they remained perfectly in shape after our numerous bad aiming. Yet, at the same time, the training was all so familiar.. I could even predict what they would do next for the games, yes.. that was how similar it was..
 
Would I make a better mentor this time round? I really don't know. In fact, I can still remember blurly the messiness of our first session then.. Haven't heard from Iffah in years.. Nurul, well she called.. but I haven't been able to get her since..
 
Camp next week... but I really feel drained already..

contradiction
2 tests from the same website with almost opposing results..

Somehow, I think the angry soul one is realy quite accurate though..

Congrats! Your a Pure Angel! Angels, as far as most of them go, are all compatabile creatures, but Pure ones simply are symbols of God. Pure Angels always appear when a child is born, when a rainbow is seen, or when someone shares their first kiss. They never grow old, an can appear in the shape of a naked woman with white, bold wings. Pure angels are the carriers of god, and
show their love to everyone in the world.

You have an angry soul! Angry Souls arent always angry, but they cannot easily forgive and hold grudges. You probably often get in fights with your friends and family, and its difficult for you to understand. When someone makes a mistake, you don't let go easily and hold on to those memories. Your very stubborn and your rage is known to everyone. Though you never actually mean it, you can say mean things in a fight and go over board. Many people are sometimes intimidated by your anger. But you have many redeeming qualities and those are that you are quite intelligent and smart. You would make a good businesswoman or lawyer because you know how to prove your point. You cherish the ones around you, and appreciate life, even though you can complain or throw a tantrum now and then. The good things is, you keep your emotions very outspoken, and are normally a very happy person because all your rage is let on the outside. Anger is simply a state, but you, yourself as a person, are great.

RGCO concert
Never thought a concert that I wasn't exactly super keen on going could invoke such strong lingering emotions in me..

How long ago was it when I was there, one of the green monsters as kor would call me, absorbing the excitement, irritation etc.. All those feelings of being forced to appear for practices, rehearsals.. the numerous grumblings.. and the final elation at the end of everything..

Saw a junior up on stage.. Was already sec 4 when she joined.. Unlike all the rest, I did not take part in initiating her into erhu section.. but seeing her today, couldn't help but think.. she was a total newbie then.. and now, she's so much more an accomplished player than me..

not that I was awfully upset.. in fact, i just felt numb.. almost like i wanted to, yet couldn't feel a thing.. and it didn't exactly help meeting Daphne and Jamie.. a future successful doctor.. and another who's just informed me that she'll be doing her pupillage at Khattar Wong..

Somehow, this pupillage thing IS getting to me.. can't believe my guts when I actually typed out what I truly thought to Mingyi.. of course, I lied at the end so as not to seem so awfully rude and mean, but in case you are wondering, yes Mingyi, like what you said, it's really totally true that I cannot work with the current Mingyi. Actually, I would prefer it even more if you would just leave me alone and NOT pretend to be so knowing.. in case you haven't noticed, i'm merely 2 years YOUNGER than you, but that does not mean I'm not capable of sorting and deciding my own life without your interference. I'm totally entitled to do whatever i WANT to do, without you commanding me to.. In any case, only those whom i treat as my closer friends are ENTITLED to poke their noses into my affairs.. and I'm quite sure the person you are right now is nowhere near to gaining that right, now, or anytime soon.. so please wait till you are somewhere near that before you meddle in MY affairs.. so for goodness sake, LIN MINGYI can you please LEAVE ME ALONE and keep your mouth shut unless you have better stuff to say?

One week of slacking...

Just recieved the cheque from Rodyk.. it's more than what I thought.. =)

Wasn't in a good mood earlier today.. came online twice to see if certain people were online.. did see one out of the list.. but in the end still didn't feel like talking.. hmm...

Pupillage application next week.. hmm...

Happy Belated Birthday......

Somehow I've been humming Ocean's Gu Dan Bei Ban Qiu for the whole day..

Someone whom I really look up to just celebrated his birthday a few days ago. Wonder how he has been for the past one year.. Interestingly, even though he hasn't appeared on icq for the past few years, there were a few times when it would have been great to have him online to chat with.. Not that I would complain/whine to this senior of course, especially when we don't exactly know each other.. yet, i really do appreciate the nuggets of wisdom he always seem to dispense (which unknowingly would be useful for me somehow..) or his bountiful optimism that would rub off on me.. at least a tiny bit..

It's been 5+ years since jc1.. Have I really become less shy, as what the senior said last year? Come to think of it, if I were forced into a similar interview session with both the seniors, would i still be as terrified? Maybe yes.. maybe no.. somehow, because of the two of them, I'm now able to tell myself 'since i managed to survive through their interview, there's nothing, no other interview that would be as scary..'

Interestingly, the 2 interviewers whom I feared so badly turned out to be the 2 whom I admire the most after all these years.. One for his intelligence and nice character, the other for his all-rounded-ness and his seemingly never ending optimism..

wonder how they are now.. wonder if i'll get to see the latter either on icq or in real life this year, just like the one occasion for each of the past few years..

In any case, thanks so much for pointing out the fact that i need to speak up, for the encouragement that you've given even though you didn't have to.. (esp the biscuits when I felt really awfully down...) or simply for being more of a friend whom i can look up to instead of a mere interviewer..

and of course, Happy belated birthday! (whichever part of the world you are at now...)

Eeeyore...

To think that I just told someone last night that he's stubborn.. and today, I'm no better.

Seriously, even though I love the students I taught, it doesn't mean I fancy having lunch or meeting up with every single one of them. Considering that I've told you before that I do NOT have anything to say to them, and that I even specifically told you NOT to add me into your conversations, and you being older than me, I thought you could understand that just cause you guys are close to them doesn't me I must too. Well, too bad, I was wrong. And I'm quite disgusted by the fact that you all did not seem to give me a choice whether to see not not to see either..

Well, to link back to my title.. perhaps you would like to know how stubborn and strong headed I can get.. No doubt I'll meet you guys for a meal ONCE... and that's it.. FULL STOP..

What a mentor is...

In the end, I still turned up for the SMP interview...

Puay San said something which was so true.. "In order for you to confide in anyone, you must first look up to them. If they cannot gain your trust, they are not someone you respect, you would not want to tell them your problems. No one likes to let others know the more shady side of themselves."

Actually, I wasn't totally truthful at the interview.. the part about how my secondary school life was like.. But i wasn't lying either.. I merely step-sided issues, that's all.. But it should be understandable.. considering what she said, right?

Anyway, back to work..

1st day at 16th floor.. Felt so tired today.. In fact, I even suspect something is wrong with my contacts... it just got super super dry.. Back to work.. Seriously, I think Mr Ling has the Mr Yeo's air... don't know how to describe.. don't know how to describe but he really reminds me of Mr Yeo..

Oh.. mum got an mc today.. Doc said that bump that she had on her foot for quite a long while could be a tumour.. gave her a referral to SGH in a month's time.. frankly, quite worried.. hmm...