ReVeRiEz on FrIeD KwAy TeOw

Had some food with my sis at Hougang Mall just now, and it sort of reminded us of CHIJ Ponggol food. Interestingly, even though it's been 11 years since I've graduated, and 9 for my sis, we could still remember the days when the popular foods would be sold, ie. the LONG queues in the canteen.

Seems like happier memories will always leave a deep impression in the mind.

This week has been a really messy/drastic week. For one, I DUMPED my previous pupillage firm. Like what Juliana said yesterday 'if you pay peanuts, then you are going to get peanuts'. Especially when you couple that with awful attitude of some people. But I'm glad I left.

Of course, later on, I found out that I was labelled 'naive'. To think that I was actually touched by your actions on that very last day. Oh well, I guess I was too naive to think so well of you. But I've learnt my lesson and I shall move on.

Irritatingly, they sent me my pay today. after working for 2 weeks plus 2 days minus one day of MC, my pay was $300. That sounds far from $400 (which is half month's pay). And best of all, they had to spell my name wrongly on the cheque even though the letter accompanying it was correct. Does that say something about them?

On a happier note, I really do like my NEW pupil master A LOT!!!! He's really really very nice and I'm quite grateful that he agreed to take me in at such short notice. Both he and LSP are really really nice despite the troublesome me =)

Oh.. on a lighter note, this week was quite filled with meet ups too. Met up with some of the girls from S29, had dinner basically with Xiyan, Qi, Lay Kuan, Joy and Shuyun, and we walked around. Oh.. and we bumped into WG along the streets. Also, met up with Alan 大 哥 yesterday too! It's been YEARS.. (ok, i mean at least a year) since I've seen him around. Thought I would see Janet too... but I wonder where the miscommunication occurred.. Haha... but I managed to suan him about his forgetfulness, thanks to my unique way of reminding myself (ie. not deleting sms until a certain event has passed) =)

Wonder when I'll get to see all the others I haven't seen in years.. hmm...

ReVeRiEz on Pupillage

Nopez.. I'm not going to let on/complain about anything here..

2 people were not around today and it simply made my day. Somehow the guy in charge found out what happened that day and talked to me. I'm still pondering who his informant is. Still, he's really nice and I'll feel bad about my decision..

Anyway, even though he is nice.. I think 老板 is still the BEST! Mr Yeo, thank you Soooooooooooo much! You are really GREAT! I guess I should have been a good girl right from the start, but the stubborn me decided to strike out on my own and then found myself in some messy pool. Still, I really really appreciate it a lot! Really, you're really the perfect boss cum mentor! Though I have no idea how to show how much I appreciate having you as my 老板, but I'm really really grateful! Hmm.. still, I'm still curious as to why you always seem to like R so much.. actually... even after I've emailed KW my CV, I guess I'm still hoping that R will take me in instead.. Don't know why, but I think I've been influenced to like R much more? =)

And of course.. WaiMun called me 'xiao mei mei'.. Haha.. that made me quite high too..

Tomato is great at sms-ing at the right time.. Their mass call tomorrow.. Time flies huh? Now they're full fletched lawyers..

Not to mention Mr Rama bringing me to High Court, simply because some people were not around to prevent him from doing so...

Ahz... life without the evil and knowing the evil would be exterminated soon is good.. Hope it keeps this way..

And I hope when things are settled, the evil gives me a good shelling.. then I can proceed as planned.. =)

ReVeRiEz on SeCuRiTy

Knowing a person who has little sense of security yet maintains a tough front must be truly exasperating. Don't worry, I sympathise with you guys reading this. Truly =)

Saw a doctor today. Finally one who actually diagnosed correctly instead of forcing their diagnosis. Never knew I had asthma when I was a kid. Interesting what a trip to the GP can bring. (To you out there who will of course never ever read this mediocre blog, there you go, it is not necessary to be an out-an-out specialist to be excellent) But bronchitis sounds.. a tad scary. Oh and Dr Ung (forgot spelling) could actually conclude spot on that whenever I cough, it'll be because of some uncomfortable feeling in my trachea (which some other doctors vehemently denied possible.. what quacks). Frankly, I AM truly impressed.

But, of course, free time comes at a price. The more options, the more uncertainty. After this, I am beginning to distrust my judgment. I don't even dare make a decision now. With such dreadful precedence, thank goodness I'll never ever have to make any major lifetime decisions. Somehow, the word 'commitment' just doesn't seem to be in any part of my dictionary. In fact, 'escapism' should have a prominent role huh? 3 years may not be a lot, but it seems really long.. just like the 5 years. Not that I mind having the opportunity to work outside for so long.. but 5+3=8 years. That's almost 1/3 of my life till now. Given how commitment-phobic I am, it's really a bit too scary, especially since I can't even tolerate 2 weeks.

Told someone that I would not want to apply for pupillage at where he is working at, simply because I prefer to have him as a friend than colleague. I wonder why he didn't think that as a compliment when it was supposed to be. As in, few friends can remain so once they become colleagues and by saying that, I merely meant that I treasure the friendship more than the job opportunity. Hmm.. wonder why it wasn't read as a compliment...

ReVeRiEz on ThE pAiN Of FaMiLaRiTy

Not that I've anything against familarity, don't get me wrong, in fact, I would love familarity more than being stuck with a bunch of strangers, but here's where the problem of familarity lies..

Familarity means being more comfortable, right? But what if this so-called familarity gets eroded over time? What is meant to be familar is now but stranger? Then you'll get the scenario of 皮 笑 肉 不 笑..

Or perhaps it's just me..

Better things should be stored away.. Just like a brand new cute soft toy should be locked away in the cupboard so that it would not be dirtied and lose its value. Such a simple principle, yet I don't seem to be able to grasp it.

Almost wanted to mention about a certain phone call I had today, a kind of weird/surprising phone call that made me quite tempted, yet, I held my tongue.. as usual? I don't know.. but it doesn't matter.. perhaps I just can't be bothered to change any wrong perceptions.. perhaps I really don't care any more..

Or is it? Won't be getting the 皮 笑 肉 不 笑 feeling otherwise, yah? One gets angry/pissed only with strangers whom you don't really know. Others that matter more, you just feel... helpless(? --> can't think of a more apt vocab.. shall use this for now..)

I think I'm tired.. I need to hide in my hole.. never to climb out again.. Like what I've once told someone, I want to leave for somewhere where no one knows me.. and no one I know can find me.. that sounds so cool, isn't it?

ReVeRiEz on UsEfUL-nEsS, EQ etc..

This must be my most messy title.. all in one.. but not much of a choice... Blogging is not a private affair.. Being on cyberspace means its easy availability to the public at large.. ie. greater chance of accidentally defaming someone.

One week of official real work, well, kind of.. and I'm still reeling in tiredness even after a long weekend. Sometimes, you get to see more people with either a lack of EQ, or that they are just plain inconsiderate. Whatever the case, just hope that things take a turn for the better for this week.

Besides, I think I need extra time awfully.. Perhaps 36 hours a day would be good. Currently, life revolves around working, and I'll probably be too dead tired at the end of the day, even if I am running on my reserve energy.

Which reminds me, I'm SO irritated with myself! To think that I forgot today is Monday, and decided to continue lying in bed till 10am! Which means I missed ZhongYiYuan again! 2 weeks and 1 day worth of not being able to listen to the programme! Argh... I miss listening to ShenJiang and Mingde crossing verbal swords with each other, or simply ShenJiang's sharp but amusing comments! *sigh* If only work starts at 10.30am, or that my computer is sound-enabled.. Oh well..

Talking about EQ reminds me of another person who is severely lacking in that. Shall not name names, but seriously, when others do you a favour, you jolly well think of that person's position too. There are some stuff where you can disclose for fun.. and there are others that you can't. Being so old already, I'm sure you should be matured enough to think, right? Or perhaps not..

And since I'm on the usefulness part, I've just emailed HW regarding the temp job. Can't believe that I'll do this favour for one of the 2 that I emailed on behalf. Is it that I'll never be able to stop feeling that I owe that person a favour? Oh well, then I better stop getting favours from others.. else I'll never ever be able to repay all my 人情债...

Some photos from trip to Jiangnan


In front of Song QingLing (I think)'s statute


Innovative way to tell people to avoid stepping on the grass!!


Lakes are awfully beautiful!!!


Here's where Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai studied at


Downwards view of the same school


Me and my 'little handsome' (otherwise called boyboy)


Nice background scenery


Here's where the drama serial was filmed

ReVeRiEz on The Passing of a President

Dr Wee Kim Wee passed away yesterday morning.

Unlike those call-in listeners just now, can't talk about any instances of chanced meetings that had touched my hearts since there weren't any.

But here was the first president that I know, whose photo I've seen every morning (or afternoon, for that matter) ever since I began schooling and understood what has been going around me. Come to think of it, my first impressioin was 'Why do we hang those 2 photographs in the foyer?' And I didn't even had any idea who they were then.

Yet, those 2 photographs of smiling Dr Wee and his wife, the calming effect that they gave, kept me company through my primary school days. In fact, mention Dr Wee, and my first thoughts would be the photos on the wall behind the stage. How different he looked then as compared to his more recent photographs (which I glanced off LianHe WanBao). He looked so awfully thin in the latter...

I'm glad I bought Dr Wee's book the moment it came out. Pity that I've never managed to get his autograph for the book (just like for the book on Mr Ong Teng Cheong)

Farewell, Dr Wee!

ReVeRiEz on Perspective

"if you put a 5 cents coin very closely in front of your eye, you'll only see that coin. But if you throw the coin in front, you'll see a lot of other things"

That was what Mr Ng said when we were talking about changes today. Considering that his partner only informed them about his soon-to-be departure yesterday(?), and that he has to sort partnership matters out in such a short time, it's a bit hard to imagine hearing that from him right? But I guess, like what he said, he could choose to sit there and cry (which... like I said, I can't imagine him doing that..) or just get on with whatever that he was doing.

Come to think of it, working at Yeo Marini was fun, or I mean, enjoyable. Felt that tinge of regret that it would no longer be existing. Hmm...
Kiez... back to studying.. Must do satisfactorily!

ReVeRiEz on Last Speech

Didn't stay very long for the Huang Clan dinner today. Sis having exams tomorrow, so we have to troop back. Still, very proud of my 'climbing mountain' analogy. The scene of those heads suddenly looking up from their food at the mention of my analagy, and then their eyes staying glued to me is still so vivid. For once, I've managed to capture their attention, away from the not bad food on the table. Felt even more happy when the host actually used the word'interesting' to describe what I had said.

Sounds so egoistic huh? Then again, it's the last time I'll get to crap there anyway. And what better way than to make it sounds impressive? Me, being the first student to have had to write her own speech, instead of reading from a pre-prepared one. The feeling of being affirmed is just... undescribable, I guess.

Then again, it is also a clear reminder that time is whizzing past. Just the other day, I mentioned in one of my emails about not wanting to grow up. Perhaps I'm just not ready to step out of my make-believed world yet. Then again, everyone has to grow up, and what better time than now to do so?

ReVeRiEz on At the Dolphin Bay

At the end of the show, I must agree with Qi that the plot is totally crap. Boy meets girl in orphanage, gets separated and then meet again when they are grown ups. Both developed a love for each other, but things happen to tear them apart. In between, each has someone else falling for them and these third parties are equally sweet. The show ends, of course, in the couple coming back together.

Meaningless show, I agree. So what made me hooked on it and finished it in less than a day? (Okiez.. I admit I actually scanned some parts..)

I guess the sweetness in the show comes, not from the leads themselves, but from the 'third parties' to the relationship. In particular, Producer Zhong. Call me sadistic if you want, but I still thought those scenes where he hid his unhappiness, where his tears flowed silently were the most touching. It seemed to depict some form of unwavering silent love, something of more strength than the regular cryings of the male lead.

Why do dramas enjoy writing such endings? Is it necessary for two people whose lives seem to intertwine to be together in the end? At the end of the show, the female lead seems the dumbest and most irritating of all. I mean, what right has she got to tell the Producer to look back and treasure who ever is there, when she herself has been harping over something that looks so near, yet so far? How many guys would be willing to pay off all your family's debts without leaking a word to you? How many guys would be so willing to give up his possessions, his money and borrow from a loan shark, just for the sake of the girl, yet without announcing it? Totally surreal and dumb, yet it gives the longlasting sweet taste.

Or perhaps it's just me. Sometimes, stubborn-ness and strength in character may just be a facade. Being obviously protected, having a shoulder to lean on seems so much more favourable. Reminds me of something that I've watched/heard somewhere at some point.. It's better to be with someone who loves you, than with the one you love.

Ah well, so much for analysis of just one dumb drama. Better study..

ReVeRiEz on True Friends

How does one define 'true friend'? Or more importantly, how does one sieve through acquaintances and spot these gems? If ever there were such a exam, I guess I'll fail miserably. Then again, having them around is always a wonderful feeling... something that cannot be easiliy described.

If there was one thing that the idiotic travel agency saga showed me, it was who those people I could trust and depend on are.

Alvin.. a colleague for 4 months(?).. someone I instinctively regard as an older brother.. Still remembered how childish I was when, whenever down, I would squat by his table and just hid from those bitches at PS.. someone I trusted so much to actually confide in him about certain stuff that I would normally not want any one who knows me know, much less some colleague whom I've only known for a few months.. then when I smsed him to help me ask his wife some questions regarding the travel-agency-saga earlier, he called back IMMEDIATELY and put his wife through the call. That felt really good, especially since we've not exactly kept in contact since I-have-no-idea-when. He and his wife could have just ignored my sms. Yet, they didn't. Proves that I was not wrong at judging people..

And then, there was Jianping's email. I think he's the only person who really truly looked and corrected my letter. All the red fonts all around. Highlighting obvious errors which no one else noticed.

Perhaps I am just easily touched, easily contented, easily happy. But who cares? It still feels great. Like what I typed in the email to Adrian, sometimes, I really feel awfully thankful. Nothing else beats having these real friends. Really.. nothing..

Thanks guys... (I mean gals included)... really...

On a less light note, I still ended up sms-ing a birthday greeting. Funny how no matter how one says one thing, one still ends up doing the opposite. Should never trust myself in being pissed off my people.

ReVeRiEz on Lousy Travel Agency

Don't ask me to type the name of the agency here. Then again, I would still feel happier typing their initials: J-AT. Go figure.

Where on earth would you find a bitch who puts words into customer's mouth? Who contradicts herself? Who talks without making sense, especially denying what every normal person would agree with?

Oh well, perhaps it has something to do with nationality, different culture perhaps. Pardon my politically incorrect statement, but seriously, people from there rank as one of my 'hate-st' group of people, if there were such a word as 'hate-st'. Oh well.

Realised that I am still rather emotional. Or rather, I am still very emotional. To think that I was almost shouting over the phone with that bitch, since she was shouting equally loudly. Time to keep track of my emotions. My mum thinks it's unbecoming, if only she heard what that bitch said. Then again, one guy just mentioned about lawyers being cool-headed this afternoon too. Does that mean I'm not suited for what I'll be doing? I wonder...

Photos in Law Faculty














Weiling and I, in front of the mailboxes.. My mailbox got cut off!














Weiling and I in the classroom (with camera on the OHP)













Me, Mingyi and Weiling outside SR2 (I think..)













Right after Law & Sociology of Family class..

ReVeRiEz on Last Tamil Class

Time flies huh?

Last day of Tamil lesson. Last time having to take 151 all the way to the interchange and then climb up to Dr Thinappan's office. Last time having lessons with such a small class.

Carolyn is flying off tomorrow. As usual, our class of 5 is still not in full force. Lessons were different today. I mean, there were no lessons, just some sort of a gathering, a chat. Don't know why but there is some tinge of.. not wanting all of this to end? Time is just flying by too fast for me to grasp.

Not that my Tamil proficiency has been any better. The only stuff I can say with confidence is probably what I want, Hi, and Thank you. Not very good considering exams are round the corner. Noticed that my grades for assignments are the lowest. Once again, the ever-jealous me came into play. But I could blame no one, yah? Simply because over confidence, or should I say foolishness, led me to juggle too many things, thereby spreading myself too thin. Should I have listened to well-meant advice from Koon and Daniel? Perhaps so. Do I regret? Perhaps not.

Unbelievable as it seems, I've always loved going to school since young. Remember the times when I would dream of school during the holidays? Or the fact that I would practise the piano simply because of the threat of not allowing me to go to school anymore if I quit piano? All these may sound comical, but yes, that was my affinity to school. No idea when that suddenly dissipated. Beginning of uni? Perhaps so. Perhaps the lack of confidence gradually made me withdraw away again.

Still, these 2 sems have made me a cheerier one. The extra workload means walking out of law faculty. And yes, it's somewhat like going out into the world, you get to see so much more. Somehow, the slightly more confident feeling is something that I would not have found in law school. Then again, who knows?

Last lesson for Tamil. My regret at not mastering the language deepened. Perhaps I should have started earlier? Perhaps I should not have done another sem? Well, that's all the past now. These memories will leave with me, as I step out of NUS, out of being a law student, and into the world. Someday, perhaps, my mastery of the language would be something that I would be proud of. Hopefully.

Dr Thinappan's room, ie. our usual classroom

Tea sponsored by Dr Thinappan

And more photos....

Gals from Tamil 2 (Notice all of us had either some red or pink on!)

ReVeRiEz on Friends (I)

What differentiates friends from acquaintances, or just another person you know? Somehow, there is no clear, correct definition; you know that person is your friend, just because that person is your friend.

Sounds pretty duhz huh? But I guess friends are those whom you'll subconsciously accomodate.. There are things that some do which would irritate you no less, yet, when friends do the same, you do not get as irritated..

Throughout this sem, I tried very hard not to be late for my Genes and Society class. There was one point where I would just skip the class if I was going to be late. Afterall, Dr Low has this weird thing about letting people move through the middle, but it's so embarassing to get one entire row to shift in just for your sake.

Well, today, I was late for class. And it was through no fault of mine, really. Someone said he'll be off for 15 minutes, and I calculated that to mean that I'll still have plenty of time to get to Science Faculty. Yet, that someone came back only 5 minutes before my lecture was supposed to start. I can picture myself blowing up at some other people (names not mentioned in case they chance upon this blog and realise it) and I'm so super proud of myself that I didn't get any bit irritated at all. Just imagine, I could actually say 'Late then late lohz'... Come to think of it, only a handful can actually try that and not irritate/anger me at all.. Oops, does that once again prove how short tempered I am? =)

In any case, you should consider yourself lucky, Mr Chai.. hahaha...

Still, feeling happy to have met up with an old (long time plus OLDer than me.. wahahahah) friend =)

ReVeRiEz on Little India Trip

Not that it was the first time going to Little India. In fact, ever since I've started taking Tamil, we have been to Little India around 3 times. That's a lot considering that I've only been that twice in 20 years (not counting the 2 years where I was supposed to be living somewhere there) when I live not too far away.

This time round, I didn't want the trip to end. Another ending means one step closer to the end of the final semester.

Oh well, all good things do come to a close.

The temple visit (again!) was educational. This time, I remembered more stuff. There were 3 statues facing the entrance. The mother of the other 2 was in the middle. One represented knowledge, the other was the god that was worshipped on Thaipusam. Do you know that putting the middle finger to the thumb, that symbolises protection? The bells at the door are there because life is equated with sound..

Peiqi, next time we go there, can explain to you in greater detail! haha..

And of course, any trips to Little India would not be complete without food. And once again, it's at the same place! Scarily, I am beginning to develop a taste for the food at Komalas! =)

And now, for the photos:

Tamil Class with Dr Thinappan and his wife at Komalas Vilas

Nava and I

ReVeRiEz on Meeting the President


Photograph with the President
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Not too difficult to guess why we wound up there. Yes, it was for our Tamil module and there we were at a Hindu temple at Farrer Park. Dr Thinappan said the President was interested in meeting us. Oh well, we are an interesting breed I guess. But it is admirable that his excellency is an advocate for lifelong learning too. Who would have guessed that at his age, he is taking Tamil lessons from.. who else but Dr Thinappan? That makes us fellow students huh? Still, his command of the language is truly admirable. To think that we were forced to reply in Tamil. Sounds so Dr Thinappan.

ReVeRiEz on TMC

Finally, a meetup with TMC people

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Yes, time flies. 4 years plus years have just zoomed past.

Have I ever regretted wasting money going for TMC diploma classes? Not really. Those were fun times. And the friendships made were great. Just that each of us had our own paths, and these paths diverge further as we move along.

Still. It was great, really.

Memories...

My 6th sense tells me that this would be a really long entry. Oh well, that'll be befitting of my last entry in this blog. Been hearing a lot of "We should be forward looking and not be stuck in the past" sort of phrases these few days, mostly from those who could have been wallowing in sadness, yet they decided not to do so but instead came up with such words to egg their fellow colleagues on. With such stuff coming from these people, who could bear not to heed their advice? Still, allow me to be stuck in this flashback for just this moment..

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Remembered about 3 plus years ago, around the time when I first knew I got into law faculty, someone told me that she didn't think I was suited for law, simply because I was too emotional. At that point in time, the words stung. And so, I tried hard to be more feelingless, or to put it in a nicer way, to be more cool. Somehow, certain man-made disaster in Singapore serve as a catalyst to make me the totally cynical, apathetic person befitting of the description of youths that I read in the paperes lately. My overnight lost of love for a country that I had previously hold so dear. So, I did become less feeling through the years, but less emotional?

These few days have made me realised that those words were so accurate. No doubt I can forcefully delete memories from my brain, be cynical about things happening around me, but I would never have to do all these if not for my over sentimentality and over emotionality. As I stuck faithfully to my TV set this whole evening, my brain seemed to have worked overtime trying to overcome my heart. Artistes from MediaWorks have all the right to feel upset simply because they had all made the effort to unite and make things work, which fate unfortunately dealt things otherwise. But me, a viewer, feeling the pain for them, with them? What utter craziness..

Perhaps all these signify the closing of another chapter, a passing chapter in life. Very soon, all these would be buried in the dust of history. Watching the flashbacks of the lifespan of Channel U, all of them just seem like yesterday, when a just jc-graduated girl stepped into the doors of NUS. I still remember at the point of MediaWorks debut, I was totally disgusted at the signing of Bryan Wong and Quan Yifeng, artistes I thought were crap. Fast-forward to today, not only have they earned total respect (at least from me) with regards to their hosting skills, but many others have also become much better looking, more poised and yes, closer to the viewers. Yet, in a fast paced society like Singapore, no one, nothing stops just for you. Before you have grasped hold of something, time has just slipped through your fingers, never to return again.

Perhaps all these ties in with my usual topic of treasuring things. Perhaps the greater sadness emanates from the lack of time in treasuring the choice I, the viewer had. As said time and over again, people just seem to learn how to treasure only when that thing is lost. Watching MediaWorks Chinese News on Channel U for the last time, I couldn't help but be like a sponge, absorbing details as much as I can. This is so, even though there was a period of time when I had used the programme to practice my Translation skills and shadowing. Yet at that time, it was work, focusing only on being able to translate properly, or following decently. If you ask me for the name of the reporter, you would have drawn a blank for me.

The greatest irony of all this is that.. I've just realised that one of the 2 (which is awfully few) seniors I was closer to in RGCO whom I've subsequently lost contact with is.. or rather, I mean was, one of the reporters on Channel U. And to think she is the sports reporter whom my mum mentioned was cute. And it's not that I didn't know of the new reporter either. Just that I've never bothered to focus a look, for, the moment I saw her face just now, my 1st reaction went like.. Was that Yiting?

Through this particular entry, I sound totally like a pathetic soul, immersing myself in the fantasy world of TV. I guess, in a way, Channel U appeared at a time when I needed an alternative harbour to hide from the storms. And pathetic as it sounds, hiding myself in the fake world, immersing myself in the happenings, the laughters from the programmes brought me away from what the real me could have felt. I guess the destruction of a safe and sound harbour is what makes the vast sea look so unsafe and uncertain, making a person not want to venture out.

Interestingly, someone expressed his surprise at me typing in a matured manner yesterday. To that, I don't even know whether to cry or laugh. Laugh because my act of childishness, craziness does seem so believable that it should be commended. Cry, simply because of the discovery that yet another doesn't know me?

Whatever it is, 2004 has come to an end. Good or bad, it's all over and it's time to move on. Farewell 2004!

and of course,

I love u, Channel U!

Small fries...

Was thinking of what to call this entry when I suddenly recall a favourite 'adjective' a certain Physics teacher of mine used. Almost everyone is at the mercy of something, the only difference being the extent to which the person is at a loss of power.

A devastating quake and round of tsunamis hit areas close to Singapore on boxing day. Those affected, as usual, were the ones who were already less well-off. Interestingly, some international organisation made a remark about the more well-off country being less generous with their aid, and immediately, the supposedly guilty ones poured in more money. Closer here, one hears so much about 'I feel so sad for those victims' comments. Yet, I couldn't help but recall something that a certain English teacher impressed upon me. It's always easy to say what is required of you. But do you truly feel that way?

When I first heard of the disaster, my first thought was whether my friends were safe, particularly those staying in Indonesia. (Pardon my awful Geography, I simply couldn't figure out how close or far their islands were from those affected areas)

It's so much easier to feel the fear, the sadness when you are involved. Whereas from a supposed outsider's point of view, what degree do you feel? or is it mere words of feelings? I don't know. Perhaps that's the reason why I'm not a social worker too.

Closer to home, it's 3 days before MediaWorks finally pulls down its shutters.. for good. Time does fly. 3 plus years has just flown by without me even grasping it. Once again, it's those smaller fries, aka commoners as in MediaWorks employees who are at the mercy of some Almighty power who can rule that competition is necessary and then decide otherwise at their own whims and fancy. AND those who suffer? The small fries who trusted their words, who believed that they could do their part in making a difference took the untaken path. And what do they get? Heartache? Lost opportunities? White slips?

Who do we blame when we hear that our people lack the dare to dream spirit?

There has been so much talk going on about a certain forum when the unfortunate participants were labelled arrogant, unable to feel for the less fortunate aka smaller fries. These people were bombarded with 'hate mails' lamenting on the state of the future of the country.

But is there a cause for worry? Afterall, does it sound any bit different from the certain group of adults that we supposedly have to rever anyway? Just take a not-so-apt but the-one-currently-on-my-mind example. The look on the faces of the people with the team-spirit that is so lacking in many corporations when their 'baby' is on the face of being taken away from them. One must be really stone to not feel a single thing.

We are told that mergers and acquisitions are part and parcel of a successful country. No doubt, I have no arguments about that. Yet, a successful economy is not necessary equated with a gracious feeling society. With those big fries being so focused on the big picture ie. profits, who bothers about small fries? They are, but stepping stones, to greater things for the corporation. They are, but dispensible, properties who can be used when necessary and dumped aside when not. When we are taught this right from young, isn't it a case of the pot calling the kettle black when we hear of certain big fries amolishing the future generations?

Disclaimer: This is just the humble opinion of the small insignificant fry here. My sincere-st apologies should this unimportant piece offend any out there though it was never meant to be so. Serious!

Memories

You know a person is a bit over sentimental when she readily agrees to pay at least $260 for a handphone repair with 3 months warranty just because the phone was a 21st birthday present from her sis. I'm sure the lady at the service centre thought I was a nut-case when I did just that. Oh well, that's just me, yah? Even though sis told me to trade in for another, but hey, the phone does mean a lot to me, especially since she sacrificed 500 bucks from her hard earn money just to get something that I had wanted but couldn't bear to buy. And of course, it came at a time when I was awfully down.. Anyway, better not let sis know, otherwise she'll feel upset that she bought the non-durable phone for me..

Anyway, met up with Lijia finally. Thankfully I was much better than the past few days, else I don't even think I'll be able to drag myself out at all. Talked about a lot of stuff, particularly about S03J. Somehow, the topic seems so close, yet so far. Sounds familiar, yet at the same time so strange. And to think that I've almost forgot some of the people. When we agreed that we turned back time, I couldn't help but remember how much I wished I had kept in touch with them. Those memories were nice, come to think of it. Yet perhaps cause they were that sweet that I had wanted to delete them permanently just so that I could get on. Having Lijia everywhere I went, going over to Ghim Moh during Chinese lesson breaks, learning origami from Shawn, Bio lab class with Yijun......

Then again, it's over so no point thinking of all the IFs anyway..

Also, finally got my photos developed.. The few photos with human somehow seem to depict all the more 'landmark' part of my memories for the year. (and my mum was commenting about me taking loads of photos of non-humans aka soft toys, cute tibits etc) But still, there were some moments that were not captured, eg attachments, and some other gatherings. Oh well, all that matters are that they were captured in my head, yah?

Cebu Trip Gathering
The first of some of the gatherings I had within the year. To think that this is our first gathering since JC1. A bit pathetic huh? But the turnout wasn't that bad, considering it was only decided a few days before, though it could have been better, considering the number of last minute back-outs.

Anyway, back to the photo
Back: Sijie, Huihui, Jini
Front: "Brother" Adrian, ME!!, Lizhen, "Grandfather" Kok Sing

To think that all of us couldn't forget Sharon Phua.. Haha.. Seems like notorious people stay in memories much longer..

Tamil Class

Of course I shall NOT name the people in the photo since I've still got no idea what some of their names are. Actually only one. Haha.. but still, better not.

Anyway, Tamil lessons were fun, other than having tormenting homework. Imagine putting in the entire Sunday night rushing Tamil homework. But I guess I don't regret taking it, despite my B.

PA Policy Studies Lunch sponsored by our director
Back: Thenesh, our director Sion Yoong, Jianlin, Wanjing
Front: Crystal, Me, Claire, Zheyi. (Absent: Yude)

Lunch at Marche. To think I was there a 2nd time in less than 24 hours after having gone there the night before with last year's VSA camp people.

Somehow, don't know what made me join PA after having thought of it in year 1. Remembered that was what Sion Yoong asked me when he first called me to turn up for a meeting. I mean, a year 3 wanting to join?

But I don't regret joining though. Despite getting irritated by a certain person, overall, the memory was still not bad. The really occasional meetings, the people, the discussion, Wanjing and Jianlin's 'bickering'.. Not to mention the final Lunchtime Forum at Munchie Monkey with Dr Vivian Balakrishnan, Dr Maliki and Ms Penny Low (I hope I rem her name correctly) as guests.

PA Policy Studies Gals
Claire, me, Crystal and Wanjing (with her art work)

When you have one defect, you'll always something in return for that

Couldn't help recalling a phrase to that extent in 'Fly Me to Polaris'.

Couldn't help thinking how true that phrase is, well, at least to me. Regardless of how messy things turn out here, it always feels good to have people to turn to. And I must say, it really feels ultra nice that a brat can get so much attention whenever she is down.

Still pondering whether to go Shanghai during the first week of Jan. Quite interested in the itinery. But that'll mean leaving sis alone at home with a certain person. Even though he likes her 100 times more than me, somehow, you never know how a insane person reacts. If this person has the guts to curse people day in day out (so much like his mum), tell people to attempt 'sky-diving' without that parachute and perform his regular antics, I don't feel safe leaving my sis here. But, mum seems highly keen on that, and wants company to go. I don't know.

Results out at 1pm on 24th Dec. That's a few hours later. I'm beginning to have butterflies in my stomach. Please... no 'D's... more 'B's.. *prays HARD* I need better grades to aim for bigger bucks so that I can have my own apartment (hopefully a house), go overseas(hopefully HK) for studies and then work. (Just had another 'live' reminder of the importance of money, how important it is never to get married if the saying that your husband would resemble your dad is true...)

On a lighter note, saw Itak's testimonial. Was nice to see the belated birthday greeting. Wonder how he knew. And I noticed one of his photos had Darmaji in it (or so I think). Haven't seen/heard from Darmaji for almost 3++ years. Wonder how he's faring. Also noticed a child beside Itak. Must ask him about that kid =p

PS: To those who have clicked on the 'Hugz' button, thanks a lot! =) Never expected that there would be much change from the number zero! Thank You!

Too much of something may not be a good thing

Went to grandparents' place today. Apparently, my grandmother had gone shopping in KL with an aunt, leaving my grandpa alone at home. To think that my mum didn't even know when she called yesterday. But grandfather seemed quite happy to have company, his face lit up when we were there, and looked a bit down when my mum and I went out shopping for a while. And he actually went out to buy 1kg worth of durians and a chicken just because my mum and I were visiting. Somehow, despite what he said, I still don't believe he took his lunch. When I went out and packed some xiao long bao and jiao zi back to force him to eat, he looked like he enjoyed the xiao long bao a lot, even though he was commenting to my mum about how ex it was. Somehow, I felt quite handicapped by my incapability to speak Teochew. I mean, even though I can understand 3/4 of what he says, I can merely reply in Chinese. Perhaps it's high time I engage a Teochew tutor. Anyone keen on taking up the post? I promise I'll be an obedient student, yah?

Anyway, back to the topic. Thought of this topic on my way to my grandparents' place today. May seem to be a boliao thing to do, but hey, try travelling from Hougang to Boon Lay without a discman.

Why such a topic?

Many weeks ago, before the start of my exams, I received an sms from an ex-colleague (and i really mean long long time ago) whom I've not heard from for a long time. Even though I've already deleted that number from my phone eons ago, I didn't think too much about replying to the sms-es. I mean, it's not too bad to keep in touch with people you used to work with and were on ok terms with, right?

And then, I began to get more and more sms-es. And then I learnt that this person was on the verge of being kicked out of his lodging by his sister and her friend. Yet, there remained a refusal to elaborate on the circumstances. But even more sms-es followed. And it did get creepy. I mean, when a person you've lost touch with suddenly starts being so concerned about you and you were not even super close to the person in the past, it feels a bit weird right? Not forgetting that this person is older than me, yet he behaves like some teenager.

Am I just being paranoid or what? Somehow, it seems unusual that a person with extreme behaviours like me would be frightened by extremes. But the whole episode is enough to make me avoid replying the sms-es as much as possible...

Reflections

Noticed my recent entries have been angst-ridden. Adults are supposed to have a tighter rein over their emotions. Yet, why do I feel as if I'm regressing?

Then again, why do people advocate good emotional handling? No doubt, a total lack of it would mean somewhat like LiQing's violent behaviour, which, for obvious reasons, should not be condoned. The point is, sometimes, the better we are at hiding our emotions, the more 'plastic' we become and worse, misunderstandings arise easily too.

Take for example, B does something that A does not like. A, like any good adults, suppresses his opinions. So B, not knowing that A is not too happy with his actions continues with what he is doing, thereby incurring greater wrath. And the cycle continues until one day, A explodes. By then, it'll be too late.

Can't help but recall a certain word that 'grandfather' used to use.. 'backlash' Indeed, whatever we do, the true outcome will definitely show. The only difference is when. A rigid glass bottle can only hold a certain amount of air before it explodes. Similarly, a balloon though flexible, is liable of bursting if air continues to be pumped in non-stop.

The point is, why on earth do we harp on being able to be nice to everyone even when we detest that person or his actions deep down? Kids do quarrel and make up soon after. On the other hand, when adults quarrel, the thorn stays there no matter how they 'patch up' later. So perhaps it's time that we relegate back to our childhood behaviour?

Out with Ciyao

It takes a truly boliao person like me to be able to type blog entries that often. Oh well.. I AM boliaoz..

Finally, met up with Ciyao on our once every 6 months meet-up (No thanks to SBS, I was late againz.. grrr.. to think I got up early!!!) Walked around Parkway.. ate at Jack's Place and then did a bit of shopping cum window shopping. Nothing much unusual, but like I always say, it's not what you do that matters, but the company that you have. Being with her just feels great.. for no particular reason. (Hmm.. somehow was just reminded about the need to help her with some matchmaking.. her mum would be very pleased with me... haha.. Nah.. But I don't think she really needs my help lahz)

Oh.. and something great happened today too! Bumped into.... QIUTING!!!!!!!! To think I was still wondering if she was back, and there she was, with her sis and her dad. Her sis IS truly truly truly CUTE!!!!! =) Shall look forward to meeting up with her
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The media merger dust has settled. Some are leaving, some are staying. Somehow, the feeling is just not the same. 'Tian xia wu bu san zhi yan xi' Yet, a TV station that had kept me company through my 4 years of Uni life, it just feels weird without it. Oh well.. Life is harsh.. Even Star Awards don't seem as interesting as it was years ago.
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Don't know what came over me to send that apology sms. In any case, it feels better to have apologised, even if the person in question had no idea I was damn pissed with him..

Empty

The feeling of emptiness after the rain... feels like a directionless person... just moving without knowing..

Just like what I asked Koon and Daniel, why am I always in the wrong when I stand up for another?

Know this sounds ultra pathetic.. But, does anyone want to keep me company for the whole of the Monday after this coming one? I just don't want to be at home for the whole day... somewhat akin to running away.. still... PLEASE? I'm not choosy about who, or what to do... I just want to hide... can?

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Can't help but notice this comment on someone else's blog whom I was surfing on.. My apologies for the infringement:

"for the night...it was J that YF and me riled up over her refusal to change her bathing stuff...i shan't say what it was...but it was irritating enough to waste a good 40mins getting and negotiating with her in the dorm, the bathroom and back at the dorm again..."

Comments: Aiyoh, that is so easy already... Try having the gals from my group... a.k.a. bessie...

Who says Bessie is that hard to deal with? It merely depends on what method you use. Having dealt with both J and B, J definitely gets my vote for being harder to deal with. Then again, shall be diplomatic and keep my comments to myself.. But can't help but wonder about the reason for someone always having a hard time dealing with them. Perhaps like what my sis says that the particular person can't always be so awfully unlucky, right?

Personality test once againz..

No idea why I went to do another personality test again... Somehow the first thought that popped into my mind was something that I sms-ed someone many months ago.. What am I suited for? Or do I have no strengths at all?

Anyway, back to the results:

My Bloginality is ESFP!!!

Wondering about the accuracy, esp when I only had to answer 4 (or was it 5 questions). The questions are quite similar to the MBTI one I took years ago in RGS... yet the results seem different this time round. Is it because I've changed? Or it's just merely inaccurate?

Anyway, according to the test, ESFPs generally have the following traits:
Live in the present moment
Are stimulated and excited by new experiences
Practical and realistic
Warmly interested in people
Know how to have a good time, and how to make things fun for others
Independent and resourceful
Spontaneous - seldom plan ahead
Hate structure and routine
Dislike theory and long written explanations
Feel special bond with children and animals
Strongly developed aesthetic appreciation for things
Great people skills

ESFPs are good at many things, but will not be happy unless they have a lot of contact with people, and a lot of new experiences. They should choose careers which provide them with the opportunity to use their great people skills and practical perspective, which will also provide them with enough new challenges that they will not become bored.

The following list of professions is built on our impressions of careers which would be especially suitable for an ESFP. It is meant to be a starting place, rather than an exhaustive list. There are no guarantees that any or all of the careers listed here would be appropriate for you, or that your best career match is among those listed.

Artists, Performers and Actors
Sales Representatives
Counselors / Social Work
Child Care (WHAT? They must be joking...)
Fashion Designers
Interior Decorators
Consultants
Photographers

As you can see... It's Sooo inaccurate.. Either that, or I should start worrying, that there are no jobs suitable for me.. Hmm...

VSA Camp..

Got back from the camp yesterday night. Just read in TODAY that lack of sleep makes bosses irritable. Ah.. the wonders of sleep. Perhaps that's why this entry is less angst-filled as compared to the version that I was typing yesterday.

Anyway, back to the camp. 2nd and LAST time at the camp. Despite a good rest last night, I still don't seem to have snapped out of my 'sinking' feeling. The reminder that I cannot handle kids is still deeply imprinted in my mind. I am even more resolved than before that kids are not suited to have any role in my life, or maybe, they should just retain their 'see-and-find-them-cute' distance. Evolving into a really practical person huh? A person who is awfully numbed. The constant reminder for the need to be professional. Not that I really was by the end of yesterday. One unlucky volunteer in my group had to bear the brunt of my irritability yesterday by getting icy cold treatment. But frankly, even though this volunteer was the only befriender in my group without the 'Best Befriender' award, and even though I had already predicted so earlier (it's not too difficult to read the minds of Theo and the VMs, can even tell what their criteria is) I somehow still feel that he is more deserving of it than another, who though highly effective, somehow wasn't as truly involved. Then again, who am I to judge. Afterall, amongst the 4 of us, I still generated the worst performance, which explains the nomination of all 3 of them for the award, much to the surprise (and probably amusement) of Theo..

Thankfully this camp wasn't my real working environment. Otherwise, there goes any possible performance bonus. Not only did I not perform up to standard, my lack of professional attitude (in other words, my highly evident childish behaviour) also made a huge dent in my work performance. Come on gal! You need a greater amount of plastic!!! Considering the pathetic state of this country of yours where deregulations and mergers are at the mercy of those up there, it is important NOT to burn your bridges even if you are on the other end. No doubt yesterday was the last day of the camp, and you probably would never have to work with the person who pissed you off throughout the camp, yet, you never know. If you had already tolerated the past few days without slapping his face (esp since you knew you had to work with the person) you can jolly well withhold your favourite ice treatment for the last few hours. Afterall, you won't be that suay to bump into that particular person anywhere around here or school *cross fingers*

On a lighter note, I do deserve a pat on my back for improving on my childish behaviour too. No doubt one fellow volunteer mentioned my normal self is crappy (which I think is kind of far from the truth) still my ability of occasionally working harmoniously with a person I had dreaded to work with does deserve some praise (even if I am the one praising myself)

On an even lighter note, Benson is still as CUTE as ever! (Even sis totally agrees with that!) And he gave me a hug without me asking for it!! This, compared to last year when he only stuck himself to his 'mummy' and didn't play with me! So happy =) He's soooo awfully cute that I don't mind even when he made me 'koala-bear' carry him around... or even piggy back him! He's really sooo awfully cute!! I'll miss seeing him (since this is the last time I'm volunteering) Heard from sis that his mum wasn't very nice.. Actually told him that he is less good as compared to the other campers cause he had fewer art pieces on display.. But who cares about the parents.. He's really sooooo awfully cute. If only he were in my group......


VSA Camp 2004 -- Group 6 (Spain)
Back (Befrienders): Weishi, Me, Daniel 'Mummy', 'Best-Camper' Roy
Front (Campers): Peicheng, QiGuang, June, Yiting, Yin King, KaiYuan

6 weeks

A wonderfully poignant piece of work.. I'll truly miss watching Adrian Pang when MediaWorks ceases existence..

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What would you do if you only had 6 weeks left?

Quite a number would say 'I'll want to do this, this and this..' Would that really be so?

Adrian Pang's character in the show, though truly gutless, seems so real. The stage of being lost, then gathering the pieces. I doubt that many would be so brave as to say immediately, 'Since I won't be around here soon, I better go about doing everything I had wanted to do'.. Probably be stunned first and go through a period of denial, yah?

It's hard to say for such how I'll react. Yet one thing for sure, I'll be like Adrain Pang's character and not want to tell others about my condition.. Fewer people know, the better. Afterall, what can they do?

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Is today a day of problems? Hmm... from the looks of my phone, it seems so..

can't be of much help, still... Jia you, everyone!

VSA Camp tomorrow...

Really admire a particular friend who's going for 2 camps consecutively next week.. and the camps are not even the fun-play-only type..

Somehow, I seem to enjoy typing on changes here. Don't ask me why, cause I've no idea what's with my obsession with noticing changes anyway..

Even today's version of Super Sunday had change as part of the theme too. Highly amusing how awful a kid David Tao was. But more importantly, the last few runs of Super Sunday really does lack a certain 'high level'. Somehow, the show is simply not the same without the 2 other veterans of the show. The lack of a certain tacit understanding between the hosts made the once-popular show much less palatable..

Seems like I'm digressing from what I initially planned to type..

VSA youth camp starts tomorrow, at least for the volunteer.. Somehow, frankly, I don't seem to have muster the enthusiasm. Is it like what a certain person had said, that perhaps it's time for me to move on and find something else that can muster that fire in me? Or is it just a case of a lack of focus point in life? I don't know.. Even the thought of being friendly, having to work with new people, or even, people I know but don't particularly like, seems to be weighing down on me. Ah.. but of course, being old enough, I ought to remember the need to be professional no matter who I work with (read: emotionless).. which means stop being whiny now lahz! argh!

Hopping off to another point (frankly, I'm beginning to wonder if I've some kind of psychiatric disorder, especially after reading a small part of the book on that.. hmm..) wonder if Qiu is back in Singapore. She arrived in Singapore this day last year.. Hmm..

Which also reminds me.. it's time I post less copyrightable stuff up here. It sure does feel a bit eerie when you find out that the same copyrightable material pops up at a later time somewhere else.. But there's no way you can complain, since you don't own the copyright to that particular material... Ah well..

Family are strangers you may not know

Couldn't help rearranging the title of another friend's blog entry to create my title.

Sometimes, it's not that I don't know you are maintaining a cold war. Rather, by pretending not to know, I'm just diffusing tension. Otherwise, you'll just continue with a greater extent of the war.

But...

It's not exactly my fault, is it? Well, since you do not want me to voice my opinions to certain people, instead of remaining dumb and feeling awful in the cage, I choose to go out for a breather, to avoid any circumstances of conflict. Afterall, even if I stand up for you and then someone else turns bonkers, it's still my fault. So why on earth would you need me in the cage?

It wasn't as if I chose to disappear for almost the entire day either. Somehow, I know you think I did. But you forgot I still had to give tuition at night. Yes, I won't forget about earning my money, the sum may be paltry, but that's the only sum that's most dependable. And running away from reality for another 2 hours does sound good..

Told a friend I made this year the other day that I hate December holidays. He immediately linked it to traumatic happenings, which of course I deny immediately. Truth is, a lot of my unhappy memories do happen in December, all the more on a certain particular day. Since he didn't probe any further after I gave a lame excuse about my distaste for December, I just kept mum. But truly, I really really do hate December, and I'm still hoping to find someone who doesn't know the significance of that day to keep me company for that one entire day. (Any takers?) Of course, that'll earn me the wrath of some people but why can't I just choose to have a tear-free day for that particular day? An ex-classmate of mine was upset because no one seemed to remember his significant day. For me, I just want every single person to forget.. about my existence, so long as I get a nicely uneventful day. Is that possible? I doubt so..

That's what friends are for...

Don't ask me what that title, that song just popped into my head, and there it goes, up as the title for the current entry.

Holidays officially started yesterday. Though Friday's matters seemed poised to be a huge storm to my holidays, yet it's just like when you hear the weather forecast, you can always avoid the area until the clouds blow over.

At least that's what I did, which explains why this pathetic gal here spent 2+ hours in the school's library, furiously zapping away.. No, don't worry, it's not my idea of great fun, but when you can't think of where to waste your time, and shopping centres can't last you the entire late morning cum noon, you're forced to improvise.

Still, I guess for a BRAT like me, I should be thankful that I've friends who cater to my requests.

Just like the official first day of my freedom started on the right note. Thanks to an old friend who kept me company the entire afternoon. Not sure if that friend felt bored. If he did, he didn't say, so it's impossible for an insensitive person like me to know, yah? Still, the eating, walking around aimless was good fun, not because of the activities themselves, but just cause of the company, I guess.

Another friend told me the other day that having a packed day like mine sounds good.. Yet, I was so tempted to say that sometimes, I'll really love a rest too, if only I could. The reminders of having to force myself out even though I was awfully unwell doesn't sound any bit enticing to me.. Ah well...

I guess I'll say that I'm always running away.. Running, running and running.. yet, just as in real life, my stamina is not that good.. I tend to tire out too.. Just that sometimes, I don't even know what to hold on to.. it's just run, run and run..

I guess that's where I've got certain friends to thank.. For not complaining even though I act like a brat.. Come to think of it, I do get brattier and brattier as I grow older.. Hmm.. a reversal of age? Still, I better start counting my lucky stars..

On a lighter note, I got a friendster message from a particular senior I admire. Am I just too sleepy to feel extra cheery... Under normal circumstances, I would feel so, right? Still, it's good to know he's doing his masters now.. hmm... another smart guy... it's only his 4th year... and it's already masters....

倔强
曲：阿信 词：阿信 编：五月天

当 我和世界不一样 那就让我不一样
坚持对我来说 就是以刚克刚
我 如果对自己不行 如果对自己说谎
即使别人原谅 我也不能原谅

最美的愿望 一定最疯狂
我就是我自己的神 在我活的地方

我和我最后的倔强 握紧双手绝对不放
下一站是不是天堂 就算失望不能绝望

我和我骄傲的倔强 我在风中大声的唱
这一次为自己疯狂 就这一次 我和我的倔强
(就这一次 让我大声唱啦啦啦...)

对 爱我的人别紧张 我的固执很善良
我的手越肮髒 眼神越是发光
你 不在乎我的过往 看到了我的翅膀
你说过被火烧过才能出现凤凰

逆风的方向 更适合飞翔
我不怕千万人阻挡 只怕自己投降
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I wanna go Plaza Sing.. Argh... why must there be exams?!?

Exam Timetable

LAL1201: Tamil 1
Date: 19/11/2004
Time: 9:00 AM
Venue: AS6-02-09/14
Seat Number: 16

CL2281: Translation and Interpretation
Venue: AS6-02-09/14
Seat Number: 90
Date: 20/11/2004
Time: 1:00 PM

LL4019 : Credit and Security
Date: 26/11/2004
Time: 2:30 PM
Venue: Sheares Hall
Seat Number: 111


LL4006:Banking Law
Venue: Moot Court
Seat Number: 51
Date: 02/12/2004
Time: 9:00 AM

Even with Topics in Financial Law, Marine Insurance Law and IT Law 1 over... Still have 4 more modules to stretch me further.. Praying really really hard...

Oh.. and hopefully the pain in my left wrist and finger would go off soon... and that hand regains its strength... Hmm...

LAST tuition...

Had my last tuition with Karen today... interesting how time flies... 4 years have passed... from a fresh sec 1 gal.. she's now one of the seniors in school.. and me? from a freshie to a... oldie? haha..

even though travelling to her place was dreadful esp when i had to rush my work.. you would think that i'll be super happy that i won't have to wait for 136s any more.. yet.. somehow, there was still the tinge of yi yi bu she...

afterall, it's been 4 years...

Financial Law Paper in a few hours time...

Gosh.. i AM envious of Sherwin, Sandra, Reichmann etc... they get to play whilst I'm still stuck..

1 oral down on Tues... Topics in Financial Law Paper will be out at 4pm.. and I've not finished reading every single article... Thinking of completing my Tamil homework instead.. Wonder why Hougang is written as 'Havgaan'? Doesn't sound the least bit like Hougang.. Hmm..

Looking forward to Tues.. That'll mean Financial Law paper down, and Interpretation Oral Exam down.. that'll leave me to mug for my Marine Insurance weekend paper... and tamil oral.. Have decided.. I'll deal with IT Law 1 after Tamil Oral... and then 2 days to complete my part of the notes for Credit and Security...

Okiez.. hope I keep to mental timetable...

Wonder if we're invited to dad's colleague's place again for Deepavali... I simply LOVE his cooking! Besides... I need to get a chance to show off my pathetic Tamil, yah? [just realised yesterday... I don't know how to say 'Shut up!', but am able to say 'Get out!' Just imagine using it on students if I ever get the chance.. haha... send them out of class, just cause I can only say the later..]

Heard on fm88.3 that there'll be the sequel to Bridget Jones' Diary in December.. can't help recalling who I watched the first part with.. Time really flies huh?

Jigsaw thoughts

当烦恼越来越多
玻璃弹珠越来越少
我知道我已慢慢地长大了
红色的蜻蜓曾几何时
也在我岁月里慢慢不见了

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The 4-in-1 keychain Christmas present that Vicknesh gave.. the knife doesn't work.. regardless of how much force is used to scratch against certain easily cut surface, nothing happens.. What type of knife is that?!?

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在难免有风有雨
人生长路上
因为你我会变得更坚强

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About 5 years ago, I had to drop a subject. I refused to display a single sign of emotion in class. Even in the toilet, when another classmate started crying, I still didn't cry. Hardly said a single word the whole day in school. Didn't want to comment about how I was feeling. Remembered the 1st thing I did during recess was to leave a message to my most dependable friend, the one I trusted most, just to say 'I really have to drop a subject'.

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软弱的时候
我不会低头
多么幸运和你一起走

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Fast forward 5 years. Sent an utterly senseless and weird sms to the same person. But this time, it was more because I felt safe. Thought that same friend would not have any reaction, would not care and would not reply, so that I won't be such a bother to those I consider friends. Was surprised to get an sms after a while. There was a missed call too, but I wonder if it was merely accidental pressing of the wrong button..

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别以为我不在乎
面无表情叫做酷

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Was listening to << 孤单北半球 >> for the whole day.. Somehow, it seems the melody, the voice proved the only calming effect...

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家里到课堂
永远迟到慌张
成绩单要往哪里藏
不要批评我的智商
有太多期望
想带着玩具
到处流浪

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A man's dreams are an index to his greatness - Zadoc Rabinowitz

You know you haven't been blogging for a long while when the layout of the blog looks unfamiliar to you

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One year, 365 days.. Numerous changes..

"If only time could freeze at that moment.."

Sounds familiar? Whenever things go wrong, it's so much easier to look back and wish things were like they were before, yet, is it possible?

Who is to guarantee that the environment would remain the same? The people in the scenario will not change? Like what I had copied in many entries earlier, the only thing that does not change is but change itself..

Express students in N(A), N(A) students in Express, mischievous ones becoming well behaved, or even students quitting school..

Familiarity surrounded by strangeness. Know yet not know.

But it's always good to be updated.. =) Familiar, likeable faces breeds happiness..

If only the changes applied to most of those adults. The cannot-make-it ones to be can-make it. Or perhaps attempt to improve their EQ and English before they attempt to pass on the right knowledge..

All these revamps in our education system seem to forget one important thing.. deal with the quality of the knowledge-attributor first...

Your element is Rain: Sad, lonely, distant and unique. You are quite distant from emotion and people, but you have been made this way by one thing or another. Your are truly unique yet fail to see it, and are quite creative be it in art, music, writing, etc.. You used to let people in now you don't even bother to try having been hurt so many times in the past. Your attitude is that you don't need anyone but yourself, people are just trouble waiting to happen. But you really do want to trust someone no matter if you see it or not, deep down your waiting for someone to come and set you free. This kind of depression can turn dangerous, don't let them get to you. Not everyone in the world will hurt you, humans are humans and are not perfect. So most likely sooner or later you'll meet someone who feels like you do and perhaps your shell will eventually disappear.

Contradictory

Ever had the experience that you didn't really want something that badly, yet when you get a negative response, you still had this niggling weird feeling?

Humans are such contradictory creatures. If you had wanted something, and then you didn't get it, granted, you would feel upset. Yet, it's interesting how one actually has this uncomfortable feeling too when one didn't put in any effort to apply for something, couldn't be bothered and then gets a rejection call. Perhaps it's just ego deflating.. 

Serenity missed..

Someone should tell our government that there's one weak link in their pro-family campaign. Make sure that single ie. unmarried young lawyers are not allowed to do divorce cases.. Just imagine hearing all the unhappy marriages, and of course, the 'helpful' clients who tell you never ever to get married..

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Something interesting in the news today.. Those who know me since jc would probably have greater idea about why I'm so interested in today's LianHe ZaoBao, as well as the New Paper (by the way, I didn't get the latter, so if any kind soul out that has it.. perhaps, you would like to present it to me? No.. I don't need the entire paper.. merely 2 pages..)

Time flies. Can't believe it's been 4 years already. Nevertheless, it's always wonderful to see nice stuff happening to people you know.. I mean, it's always nice to see them living a smooth-sailing life.. 

By the way, even though I love hearing that people I admire are in the papers, I do not think anyone enjoys the suspense at being told some things but not others.. it's kind of irritating, by the way..

Cebu trip gathering..

Just got back from my dinner with Cebu trip people.. Now that we've started counting.. it's been 5 years since our trip.. and about 3 years since we've all seen each other..

Meisi, Martin, Shamini, Carole.. kind of sad that they didn't make it in the end, but nonetheless, seeing Huihui, Lizhen, Jini, Adrian, Sijie and Guoxing was great too.. interestingly, Sharon Phua's name seemed to pop up now and then.. in fact, her name was even more memorable than Mr Tan's! Haha.. it just proves that in order to be remembered, you've got to be really really notorious =)

Somehow, this is one of the first gathering where I really really felt very happy just seeing/talking to the people.. and then still have that cheery feeling lingering by the time I'm home.. Not that we have that much in common.. Each of us are now doing our own stuff.. Huihui, Lizhen working at PWC, Jini waiting for her results.. Sijie the piano teacher... etc.. but somehow with the craps and stuff.. everything just felt the same... as if we were transported back in time..

Sometimes, it's not what we are doing that matters, but how much effort we put into something..

Come to think of it.. Cebu was really one of my best memories of jc life..

Reveriez reverie-ing
 
Argh! It must have been years since I've typed an entry, so much so that the earlier post that I typed turned out blank! But well, it does proves my earlier unpublished point on how things not remaining stagnant in time.
 
Memory is such an interesting thing.. Why do we all have indelible memory or better still, not have forgettory instead? Why do people actually think that happy memories are cherished ones, and sad memories are best forgotten? Sadly, happy memories are sometimes the culprit leading to a person's downfall. Just because the current happenings pale in comparison with those happy memories, some tend to be totally absorbed in them, neglecting the more important NOW.. Of course, these treasured memories can't be totally faulted either.. They are equally capable of bringing some warmth into rainy cold days too..
 
Cliche as it sounds, time does fly.. It's been a year since the last Racial Harmony Day came and left.. When I came across the entry in a friend's blog, somehow, I could clearly remember the classes I took that day last year, and even some of the clothes donned by them. And it's already been a year.. A blurry one in fact.. Interestingly, I do miss them a bit every now and then still...
 
And yes, SMP training yesterday. For some unknown reason, I was just totally drained at the end of it.. I can't say the 3 social workers did not make any effort.. In fact they did. The newspapers balls were really well made, as compared to the ones Victor used then. In fact, they remained perfectly in shape after our numerous bad aiming. Yet, at the same time, the training was all so familiar.. I could even predict what they would do next for the games, yes.. that was how similar it was..
 
Would I make a better mentor this time round? I really don't know. In fact, I can still remember blurly the messiness of our first session then.. Haven't heard from Iffah in years.. Nurul, well she called.. but I haven't been able to get her since..
 
Camp next week... but I really feel drained already..

contradiction
2 tests from the same website with almost opposing results..

Somehow, I think the angry soul one is realy quite accurate though..

Congrats! Your a Pure Angel! Angels, as far as most of them go, are all compatabile creatures, but Pure ones simply are symbols of God. Pure Angels always appear when a child is born, when a rainbow is seen, or when someone shares their first kiss. They never grow old, an can appear in the shape of a naked woman with white, bold wings. Pure angels are the carriers of god, and
show their love to everyone in the world.

You have an angry soul! Angry Souls arent always angry, but they cannot easily forgive and hold grudges. You probably often get in fights with your friends and family, and its difficult for you to understand. When someone makes a mistake, you don't let go easily and hold on to those memories. Your very stubborn and your rage is known to everyone. Though you never actually mean it, you can say mean things in a fight and go over board. Many people are sometimes intimidated by your anger. But you have many redeeming qualities and those are that you are quite intelligent and smart. You would make a good businesswoman or lawyer because you know how to prove your point. You cherish the ones around you, and appreciate life, even though you can complain or throw a tantrum now and then. The good things is, you keep your emotions very outspoken, and are normally a very happy person because all your rage is let on the outside. Anger is simply a state, but you, yourself as a person, are great.

RGCO concert
Never thought a concert that I wasn't exactly super keen on going could invoke such strong lingering emotions in me..

How long ago was it when I was there, one of the green monsters as kor would call me, absorbing the excitement, irritation etc.. All those feelings of being forced to appear for practices, rehearsals.. the numerous grumblings.. and the final elation at the end of everything..

Saw a junior up on stage.. Was already sec 4 when she joined.. Unlike all the rest, I did not take part in initiating her into erhu section.. but seeing her today, couldn't help but think.. she was a total newbie then.. and now, she's so much more an accomplished player than me..

not that I was awfully upset.. in fact, i just felt numb.. almost like i wanted to, yet couldn't feel a thing.. and it didn't exactly help meeting Daphne and Jamie.. a future successful doctor.. and another who's just informed me that she'll be doing her pupillage at Khattar Wong..

Somehow, this pupillage thing IS getting to me.. can't believe my guts when I actually typed out what I truly thought to Mingyi.. of course, I lied at the end so as not to seem so awfully rude and mean, but in case you are wondering, yes Mingyi, like what you said, it's really totally true that I cannot work with the current Mingyi. Actually, I would prefer it even more if you would just leave me alone and NOT pretend to be so knowing.. in case you haven't noticed, i'm merely 2 years YOUNGER than you, but that does not mean I'm not capable of sorting and deciding my own life without your interference. I'm totally entitled to do whatever i WANT to do, without you commanding me to.. In any case, only those whom i treat as my closer friends are ENTITLED to poke their noses into my affairs.. and I'm quite sure the person you are right now is nowhere near to gaining that right, now, or anytime soon.. so please wait till you are somewhere near that before you meddle in MY affairs.. so for goodness sake, LIN MINGYI can you please LEAVE ME ALONE and keep your mouth shut unless you have better stuff to say?

One week of slacking...

Just recieved the cheque from Rodyk.. it's more than what I thought.. =)

Wasn't in a good mood earlier today.. came online twice to see if certain people were online.. did see one out of the list.. but in the end still didn't feel like talking.. hmm...

Pupillage application next week.. hmm...

Happy Belated Birthday......

Somehow I've been humming Ocean's Gu Dan Bei Ban Qiu for the whole day..

Someone whom I really look up to just celebrated his birthday a few days ago. Wonder how he has been for the past one year.. Interestingly, even though he hasn't appeared on icq for the past few years, there were a few times when it would have been great to have him online to chat with.. Not that I would complain/whine to this senior of course, especially when we don't exactly know each other.. yet, i really do appreciate the nuggets of wisdom he always seem to dispense (which unknowingly would be useful for me somehow..) or his bountiful optimism that would rub off on me.. at least a tiny bit..

It's been 5+ years since jc1.. Have I really become less shy, as what the senior said last year? Come to think of it, if I were forced into a similar interview session with both the seniors, would i still be as terrified? Maybe yes.. maybe no.. somehow, because of the two of them, I'm now able to tell myself 'since i managed to survive through their interview, there's nothing, no other interview that would be as scary..'

Interestingly, the 2 interviewers whom I feared so badly turned out to be the 2 whom I admire the most after all these years.. One for his intelligence and nice character, the other for his all-rounded-ness and his seemingly never ending optimism..

wonder how they are now.. wonder if i'll get to see the latter either on icq or in real life this year, just like the one occasion for each of the past few years..

In any case, thanks so much for pointing out the fact that i need to speak up, for the encouragement that you've given even though you didn't have to.. (esp the biscuits when I felt really awfully down...) or simply for being more of a friend whom i can look up to instead of a mere interviewer..

and of course, Happy belated birthday! (whichever part of the world you are at now...)