Sunshine after the rain

Decided to take back whatever was typed yesterday. It was meant to be a reflection of my feeling of resignation, but somehow one particular reader smsed last night and commented about it being peppered with anger. Seriously, I really wasn't angry at all, just drained so much so that I really dozed off super early and got up later than usual today.

But certain parts still hold true of course, including the spring cleaning of the brain part. Somehow though, it's useless when I say I've deleted certain numbers off my phone. Why? Cause it may not be there, but it's stored in my brain so unless I get some form of amnesia, I don't think the number will just disappear.

After I typed that entry which was directed at one person yesterday, I got a surprising, a little out of the blue reply. Frankly, it's not true that tôi ghét anh áây (note the last word is a bit wrong, but I couldn't get my programme to type it sign properly). Just that I'm too tired, I guess.

Had a short conversation (was it a conversation? Hmm..) with someone about trust. Apparently, one of the 2 partners whom I talked to just couldn't keep their mouths closed, to the point that what was meant for their ears went to Mrs Yeo's too. Actually, my gut feel said it was the first, otherwise, how did my pupil master guess what I wanted to say? At that point, it was just disappointing, the fact that one of them couldn't be trusted. But I'm fine with it now. I should have known better since I did know words spread very quickly within the law fratenity. Can't remember who I've said it to but once you've opened a tiny gap to let others in and then get hurt as a result, the reflex action would be to shut it permanently. So to the person I was talking to earlier today (though I doubt you'll read this), I guess I still need a bit more time to trust another law person again, can? (Hmm.. why am I asking for permission anyway?)

Then again, it's not true that I don't trust anyone related to law too. Smsed Adrian after getting a reply from Guoxing (Before I forget though, Mr Lim, next time try not to paraphrase what I say, yahz? Cause I noticed you're always good at paraphrasing my words wrongly, so even though I agree that your advice makes sense, but I can't help being super irritated by your paraphrasing! Grr..) But back to my point, Adrian and grandfather basically said the same thing, but as usual, the same meaning prompted different reactions from me. Ok, maybe not too different since I did accept what grandfather said just that I didn't like you "putting words in my mouth". I can imagine someone else (who shall remain unnamed) telling me the same stuff and I'll just not want to talk to the person for the rest of my life! (yes yes.. I'm a brat.. I never said I wasn't, right?)

Seriously though, to those whom I've troubled with my bout of nonsense (again) THANK YOU! Especially a certain Mr Tan (or should it be Ms Tan since I'm supposed to call you jie jie, right? =p ) Thanks so much for the smses and numerous reassuring words.

As to what I'm planning to do, I guess, I'll still try serving out at least try to serve out a bit of my bond. In the meantime, if I scrimp and save, I can send myself for either Vietnamese or Tamil lessons (my command of both was already atrocious to begin with, and with the lack of practice, it's getting disgusting) or maybe even continue with a Higher Diploma in Computer Studies (TMC again? Shall ask Itak..) I doubt I can scrimp enough for a ACCA though, even if I take up tuition again, so that thought shall first be shelved for the time being, I guess. As what Francis da ge had said, working in Income is the time for us to upgrade ourselves, so a short break from law might do me some good, right? And just as what the pupil master I admire a lot (or do I still admire him at all? Hmm) said, what's more important is to ensure that my stint in Income value-adds to my overall employability.

As for where I am now, I guess I shall just count my blessings too. It's not that bad a place, and as I was walking back today, I recalled what I had said way earlier. That so long as the place pays me well and is free from TSC kind of impoliteness, I don't care what they make me do. I guess I'll keep to that motto. No point making myself unhappy for these reasons right? So what if the whole world seems to know that the scholar actually contemplated something at first? I can always pretend that they don't know, and smile my way through. Like what Reichmann said, I can do it, cause I'm Yaofang! (Though come to think of it.. I think Reichmann copied what I've always said!) Thanks for your "vote" of confident though..

Just as the readers of this blog can see, I am fine already! Come to think of it, I ought to make this part of my new year resolutions (Chinese New Year is also considered new year! haha) To be less unhappy (Don't try the truly happy/cheery yet lahz.. that is slightly more difficult. One step at a time yahz?) less troublesome and less.. oops, I mean, more likeable! =) Seriously, sometimes I can't stand myself either. I can't even understand why on earth did I end up crying. Such a disgusting crybaby. Yaofang is made of more steely stuff, right?

Can't help but recall what I said to a Mr Tan today, I love talking to myself. See? I am doing that right now! =)

Seriously though, I really really really love my friends. No matter how bad things are, I'll always have people to turn to, who'll let me whine/rant and not detest me for that. So I am actually super lucky as compared to so many others, which means I've less reason for being so whiny. So Ms Tan, Mr Tay, Mr Chai, grandfather, Daniel mummy, Mr Randall, Mr Chan, Itak da ge, Honghui, and ok I must admit, a certain Mr Wong too.. thanks for tolerating me these few months even when sometimes (or maybe all the time) whatever I blabber simply doesn't make sense, siding me even when I might not be correct but I just need some reassurance.. Whatever it is, thank you! And I really really really love having all of you as my friends, and a number of others who are not named here. Really.

Gosh, this sounds so much like some award session.

Actually, there were two other people who brought me to my senses too.. Jeremy and Robin. Bumped into them on my way back. Together with what Reich said earlier the day, I realised that whatever I do, there'll always be people who would still think a bit highly of me. So whatever it is, I must always set a good example. On another note, I'm really glad to see a cheerful and slightly more talkative Jeremy. At least, he doesn't give me the feeling of being as not-confident as the boy in 4B. Wonder how the rest of the 4A and 4B people are doing though.

And finally, O level results out in 2 days time. Wonder how Darryl and the CVSS people would do. Really hope they'll do well. And Darryl.. he better get into a JC..

One more thing, somehow I'm looking forward to Monday, not because of rotation but because I am going back to NUS. And the point is not about going to law fac, but more of the "activities" I've lined up. One important point though, Mr Tan is going to appear for lunch in his office wear. He promised! (haha.. typing here means you cannot go back on your word) But no way am I going to bring a penguin soft toy all the way there just for your amusement. Of course, being the adorable little trustworthy gal, I'll bring my trench-coat length coat. =)

PS: Mr Chan, when can I claim my swing? Not that I'm feeling down, just that.. I just like the carefree feeling on swings.. and okok.. I just basically want to play, can??

Further note (09/2/2006): How could I forget to add in Itak da ge's name? The person who doesn't mind paying extra charges just to reply an overseas sms from me! The person who has to cheer me up all so often since TMC days. Oh.. and whilst being reminded that I haven't developed and sent the photos to 4A people, I was reminded of Kok Sheng and suddenly remembered the other boy's name. Robin!)