Sometimes the more you want to control, the less you'll know

That was just a thought as I lay in bed thinking about the current entry. And a connected topic, ie. guts. Since the latter doesn't sound any bit impressive as a topic, it of course got relegated to a tiny mention in the first paragraph.

After half an hour worth of pondering, I still don't think I'll go to the airport to send Sihao off. I'll probably just give him a call later, and of course, come up with another excuse for not turning up. In fact, I shouldn't have agreed to try to send him off when we were talking about it over dinner. Otherwise, I should have added a caveat - that it had to be on a weekday and not weekend. At least, I could send him off without having to come up with any explanation.

Is it really THAT bad to mix with people way younger than you, who are still schooling? Or rather, one has to mix with people of the same "level"? I tried eliciting some response whilst I "casually" mentioned about a student flying off for further studies in Australia and the only one I got wasn't that positive either. "Go all the way there, then must come back again. So troublesome". That was a light way of saying that I shouldn't. Somehow, I can't help drawing parallels to the last time I went out with Yuanxing and company. Can you imagine? I had a phone call at about 8+pm asking me where I was and that I should come back immediately cause the kids ought to go home and that me being older, ought to make sure they get home early. Please.. why don't you just tell me straight in my face that you don't like me mixing with them? It's kind of evident from the response I got before and during, right?

Do I really look that much like I don't know what I am doing? Perhaps so. But I can't help thinking, it's not exactly always the child's fault for keeping things from their parents. Sometimes, the more the parents enjoy "dousing cold water" on the things they say, the more the child just wants to keep mum. It's just like how I'll not tell anyone that I was out with Sihao for dinner once a few weeks ago. And that was just so that I could appease her, that I've not been mixing with people I shouldn't be mixing with.

But how accurate are parents' judgments in the first place? Just recalled how I had 2 closer friends in JC but one's phone call to me was "permissible" whereas for the other, I would get the "Why so long?" question even though it was way shorter than the former. It wasn't that one was a serious call whereas the other was just to crap. Both the contents were more or less the same. Yet, the main point was that one had better grades whereas the other supposedly didn't and seemed to have more problems. Look at the situation today. The latter still counts as a friend whom I can turn to but I can't totally say so for the former (at least not all the time). Grades, level of success do not count for everything. So in the end, all you'll get to know is the so-called good side of those I deem friends, and no, you will not get to hear the full picture. That's just my way of providing "beneficial censorship" and the way I'm protecting the friendship that I treasure.

It's another weekday again tomorrow. Somehow, much as I begin to dread weekdays, weekends are not necessary less evils too. Wherever I am, I still have to put up an act, so it doesn't necessary matter does it? But I'll be fine, simply cause I'm Yaofang, right? =)

PS: Although I know you of course wouldn't be reading this but, Sihao, all the best for your studies. The fact that you are no longer a small kid and that you are alone overseas mean that you must not be so headstrong, ok? Of course, most importantly study hard and I look forward to hearing good news from you, yahz? =)