Changes

"Once you are old, you no longer have the liberty to say you don't know how to do things. Nor can you blame youthfulness for your faults. Children want to grow up quickly, yet adults want to slow down ageing. People seem to prefer the state they are NOT in."

How true. And that coming from a DJ whom I've detested since young. Happened to be station-hopping as usual. Quite unlike her to say such brainful stuff. But yes, she did, on her very last day of being on air.

Actually, she wasn't the only one whose voice I'll no longer chance upon the air waves. The other DJ who is leaving that station happened to be one of the rare ones whom I actually enjoyed listening to. Now, I doubt I'll ever tune in to that station, well, unless the songs elsewhere are really awful, and I don't have the luxury of having my CDs with me. But truth be said, I'll miss that familiar voice.

There are 3 types of people on earth - those who love changes, those who hate them, and those who are neutral. Unfortunately, I belong to 2nd group. The ones who become too emotionally attached to their surroundings.

Throughout our lives, all of us have to face numerous changes, some big, some small. Schools, friends, living environment or even our own belongings. Each of these has seen our smiles, tears and laughters. In primary school, we believe that there's such a thing called 'forever', then in secondary school, we continue to cross our fingers in hope that 'forever' does exist. But, slowly, the understanding that 'forever' is just like the fairy tales that we've heard when we were younger begins to sink in gradually. Sometimes, it's time to let go, yet some of us still can't bear to do so. Or worse, we realised that we've never cherished whatever we had until we've lost it, and then we begin to regret.

Makes one wonder if we gain or lose more during this growing up process.

Blinded by emotions

People usually say, love is blind. So far, I don't think anyone has disagreed with this.

For a little kid, the blanket/soft toy could be his comfort ground. Wherever he goes, the item would follow. That is, even if adults comment that the item is smelly, dirty, disgusting, whatsoever. To the kid, it is more of "Who Cares?" The soft toy though of a tinge of grey, still looks far from dirty. The blanket, sure it does have a smell, but to them, the smell is calming.

As we grow older, we begin to have friends. Friends whom we love to be with. Ever had a time when a so-called good friend betrayed your trust, but in the end, for some weird reasons, both of you are still friends? I've always thought that it is not quite possible. Afterall, a mirror once broken, even when glued back, will still have the lines of cracks clearly evident. Yet, there have been real life instances which have proved me wrong. Take for example, the story of X and Y. Y stole X's keys, and together with 2 other friends, stole from X's place and were caught. One would think that X would steer clear from Y. Yet, X continued to be Y's good friend for quite a while. Unbelievable, but true.

Of course, not all examples are this extreme. Two different people, a close friend and another just a friend, doing the same thing to hurt you. Who would you be more willing to forgive? No doubt, the hurt coming from the 1st instance would be greater. BUT, it usually diminishes more quickly too.

Now, why do I write about this?

Had a call yesterday. "You know, F's boyfriend came to Singapore recently and she bought him so many things. She even got him a handphone." All this, on top of the fact that she had 'sponsored' him quite a bit when he wanted to start some business last year. One would have imagine F being rather young, simple minded and highly trusting. Truth is, F is outgoing, rather popular, and somewhat accomplished in her field of work. Being a person who is normally observant and analytical, her actions are somewhat unthinkable..

Who says love is not blind?

Losing before cherishing...

"He is really dead" Reading and re-reading this line, somehow, even though I didn't know who Mr Ho was, I could still feel his students', past (including my sis) and present, sense of loss..

Sis didn't really said she felt down, yet, from her actions and what she said, I could feel the tinge of sadness, disbelief, shocked. And yes, the glimmer of hope yesterday when the photo wasn't really clear.. all that ended with that line of sms..

People around us, we seem to take for granted that they'll be there.. it's only when incidents happen to others, that one begins to sit up, appreciate them, and after a while.. lose that momentum again..

Just like me.

I guess I would have been devastated if something had happened to anyone I cared about.. The friends whom I instinctively sms-ed some forwarded stuff yesterday.. Funny.. I always thought forwarded sms-es are totally insincere and would have avoided forwarding them.. Yet, at times when I just wanted to let those who matter know that I didn't forget them, forwarded stuff are so much easier.. Just imagine if I typed something personal.. They would have been horrified!

Hate to let others in on my emotions.. As I grow older, I finally realised the wisdom in JianPing's quote from his teachers. At times, I just don't know whether I should just give others the benefit of the doubt or otherwise.. Yet, those whom my 6th sense tell me that cannot be totally trusted, have yet to prove me wrong... and those whom I willingly trusted, some have proved me wrong..

Of course, there are many others who don't belong in those groups too.. Koon, Itak, Jianping, Potato, Honghui.. These are the people who are still able to change a rainy mood to a sunny one just by appearing, whether through sms, icq, or simply just in person.. Yet, I doubt they've ever realised that they've such capabilities.. well, if any of you chance upon this, I really want to say 'thank you' truly.. I guess the front that I put up daily is but a mere front.. without you all, I doubt I'd have ever been where I am today..

And, there are also those friends whom one was really really close to, and then just 'poof', there's this huge wall between you. 'True friends would never want the other to be worse off' True? I don't know. But I know, that once you've treated someone as your very close friend, it's difficult, if not impossible to demote the person to a mere stranger.. esp when they were once my greatest pillars of strength too.. GX, DT.. am I one of their good friends still? I don't know... truly, I wish I do, but I don't...

Yet, I know for sure, if anything were to befall on these friends, my world will DEFINITELY crash...