Incoherence

Hate that idiotic gal.. the cause of me feeling super frustrated.. and now, I'm thinking of not extending my attachment.. think I need a break from all this...

Realised I'm more and more irresponsible.. but at the same time, have the 'can't-be-bothered' attitude. Got a supposed harsh email from a social worker when I emailed her to tell her I cannot make it for the training after all.. yet, I just feel too tired to feel anything.. in the first place, if they had been more efficient, then things might have turned out different, right? Had to turn away quite a number of volunteers? I wonder if that's so true.. in any case, I realised that I won't be doing much voluntary work in the near future..

i guess i've learnt that doing good deeds/ being nice simply doesn't bring about better rewards.. instead, you could just get yourself into some unfair situation..

realised i've changed a lot... changed for a worse me... i guess it's through the things i see and experience, that made me more and more emotionless.. when i was younger, it was merely the fact that there wasn't anything that i truly particularly like.. then it progressed to the point where i am finally able to be more detached...

someday, hopefully, i'll attain the level of a robot.. Hmm...

*few minutes later*
read my nus email add, and realised another gal i can't stand has just sent an email that i know has something to do with me.. just feel super tired.. can't expect me to call people in the midst of the night, right? if yours truly is free enough to give me missed calls, and send me sms to call you back, perhaps you could call someone else and let the person pass on the message? I have a life too, you know?

i need a break.. i need a break... I NEED A BREAK AWAY FROM EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Snippets of my day

Perhaps like what a senior said, albeit a slightly modified version, as long as you can find something that nice in the things you do, everything else would not seem as bad. At that time, and many occasions after that, I found his words interesting, but non-workable, yet, come to think of it, can be quite true in a broader sense too.

Ever started off the day with you dreading it, but because there was a perk at the end of it, you keep on soldiering on.

The day started off less than nicely. When I left the place, there was still a person cursing and grumbling for no reason. Somehow, hate to hear myself being cursed early in the morning. Thankfully I was in a rush, and just left..

As the day progressed, my cough turned from bad to worse. At one point, I really thought I could taste blood. But of course, still had to 'tahan' the cough and survive through the day. After all, it doesn't make much sense to take the day off, right? And it'll mean coming home to see someone mumbling etc. Which meant that it made more sense to stay at work..

Thankfully, Ann called. Asked her yesterday if she wanted to have lunch together. Didn't expect her to agree to today. Quite fun to talk to her. Somehow, you never really know the true face of a person until you get to deal with the person one to one.. I guess..

Somehow, I still think my likes and dislikes are still evident on my face, and the actons I do. There's this girl whom gradually disliking, just couldn't be bothered to answer her some of her questions.

Oh, and the best part was of course, after office hours. Not because I get to skip tuition, but more of cause I got to see friends whom I've not seen for a long long long time.. So even if my colleagues think i'm not in my right mind to see this person but should go home instead, who cares? Afterall, sort of feel much more cheerful-er now..

Real age vs Behaviour

As I was walking home from the MRT station today, a thought just crossed my mind.

This afternoon, someone voiced his disbelief that I am 21+ this year, reason being that I do not have the 21 year old air around me.

Yet, just not long ago, someone else said I'm more matured than others my age.

So, which is it? a big kid? or a overaged youth?

Interestingly, this actually made me realise that my behaviour is such a blatant depiction of the subconcious me, the one that loves to be doted upon yet at the same time wary enough to protect oneself.

Why do I say that?

The ones whom I behave like a kid to.. Almost all of them are older than me, and do behave in such a way that I deem them as older brothers.. People whom I feel comfortable trusting.. and in front of them, I'm actually the true-est of myself, the big kid that I longed to be, but that I couldn't really show..

On the other hand, I only act more matured on occasions where I don't get to be a little kid either because of the environment.. or the people..

Inverse Proportionality

Just in case anyone is interested, here's my less than ideal grades.

LLA4024 AVIATION LAW & POLICY C
LLA4088 BUSINESS & FINANCE FOR LAWYERS B
LLA4100 TOPICS IN COPYRIGHT & DESIGNS C
LLB4069 LAW OF INSURANCE B

Somehow, this is the best I've ever done in my 3 years in law school, yet, I don't feel one bit happy. Firstly, I've always thought my business & finance was good enough for an A, yet I didn't get it.. neither did my aviation get the B i so wanted, after all my preparation for Warsaw and Montreal 1999 Convention. Of course, I do deserve the C that I got for Designs Law.. In fact, I think George Wei is super nice to have given me a C, judging from the crap I turn out. But I guess much as I like George Wei as a tutor, perhaps it's time for me to take a break from any IP stuff..

So, why did I use this title today?

Couldn't help but notice that my studying efforts are inversely proportional to my grades. Last sem, I spent all of my time on Tax Planning and later, Evidence, yet, I ended up doing less than ideal for both. Better still, I did awfully for evidence. Yet, for my other 8 credit module, IP, I studied for 1 day (that includes the numerous lectures that I skipped) and secured a 'B'..

This time, again, my efforts were all focused on aviation, so much so that even Weiling couldn't understand why I sacrifice my 8 credit insurance just for aviation. For all the enthusiasm in that module, a 'C' grade is awfully disappointing.. but, oh well..

Couldn't help but notice how this applies to many other aspects in real life too. Being extra nice to others doesn't guarantee that you would get the same type of treatment too.. Often, we tend to take for granted, those who are so much nicer to us, so much so that we end up offering shoddy treatment..

Perhaps secondary schools in Singapore should focus more on inverse functions instead of direct functions... hmm..

Which is more important? A nice superior or easy to get along colleagues?

Ann's farewell lunch a few weeks ago somehow made me realise that working at Income legal might not be as bad afterall.

After having worked in various places, it suddenly dawned upon me that bosses are one of the most important aspect in ensuring a happier working environment. No doubt, of course, that one needs to be able to work with colleagues, but even if you are super close to your colleagues, your superiors are still the ones who can make or break one's day. Besides, what you see may not be what you get either. Close colleauges may not be as nice as they seem either.

Don't worry, I am not trying to imply anything, or trying to complain about someone who is testing my tolerance limit now. Just that my hotmail inbox drove home the point suddenly.

Received email from Rodyk. Will be starting attachment there on 31st May. For this, I must seriously thank Vincent. I merely emailed Mr Yeo a few minutes before he was due to knock off, and by the next morning, he had already secured an attachment for me. Felt really really thankful..

Of course, with that, the stress that I must perform up to standard so as not to embarass Mr Yeo began to sink in. Considering how dumb and blank-mind-ness I've been lately, it's time I get more sleep just to revive my almost dead brain cells.

For one thing, this episode just made me realise that working in Income is not that bad afterall. No matter how much I can't stand that irritating Mdm Han, Flora etc.. having a wonderful superior like Mr Yeo more than makes up for the not-so-nice working environment and bad job prospects. Perhaps that's one crucial deciding factor as to whether I'll stay on in Income..

Consciousness vs Subconsciousness

Saw this on a friend's blog, something thought provoking, yet at the same time, I couldn't really comprehend.

"Clear your mind. Think about the person. Then think about one good thing that the person has done for you. At this point in time what is the very first thing that comes to mind? Be honest. Then think about one bad thing that the person has done to you. Again what is the very first feeling, impression or word that surfaces?

In both instances, if you are truly honest, it should be something similiar. Because you can really only feel one thing about a person at a time subconsciously."
(my apologies to Gary for infringing his copyright in the work.. by the way, Gary, if you are reading this, perhaps you could enlighten me on what something similar means?)

Perhaps it's just cause I lack the ability to feel, somehow, for most people I know, I can only think about either one good thing, or one bad thing... but not both. Better still, for others, I couldn't even come up with anything!

Interestingly too, for the real handful whom I could come up with a good and a bad.. the things are not exactly similar either.. and it couldn't be my consciousness coming into play either.. esp since both thoughts just popped up immediately..

Even more interesting.. this test seems more apt for figuring out which of the people around you mean more to you.. Somehow, it does say something when certain names just pop up immediately as you read through.. at least one name did..

Coincidentally, read that after I had a dream the night before. Was hit upon the realisation that that certain person had joined a cult, which accounted for the person being a totally different one from what I knew. And the feeling of a close friend lost hurt.. Can still vividly remember myself crying and crying in the dream..

Weird dream isn't it? Do hope that this is not a sign of a greater deterioration of a once close friendship. The last time I had an equal weird dream about the same friend, almost immediately after, we became drastically less close..

Time to keep my fingers crossed on this.. and also for my exam results..

Growing up

What does growing up mean?

That one's temperament has toned down? That the surrounding changes occur so fast that one can hardly be surprised? That a person starts to conform even more?

Perhaps that's why Mr Ling comes across as a really calm, nice-person figure...

So, have I grown up?

Judging from some of my previous entries, I'm still capable of my extremist temperament.. Awfully upset over what I think is unfair and absolutely happy over some really minor things.

When someone irritated me at work yesterday, was quite surprised that i didn't even boil inside.. could even continue to give frozen smiles to everyone, even though i'm no longer as truly cheery.. yet, i'm sure none could have noticed the difference either..

Hypocrite.. what an apt description that Gary used..

Throughout life, almost everyone has shown a different side of themselves to others.. not necessary to conform, but sometimes, to build up a fortress to protect the vulnerable us.. when the going gets tiring, we just break down in front of a small selected group..

wonder which is worse.. crumbling under pressure? or being extreme and subjected to being hurt?

Interestingly, Potato and I touched upon this topic whilst chatting sometime last week..

Perhaps I did grow up too quickly in the past, such that I don't seem to grow up now, when everyone else seems to be. Perhaps I'm just trying to reverse my growth.. Or better still, did anyone actually think that perhaps I just like the feeling of being younger, and being at the receiving end of the care and concern? Hmm...

Unexpected Responses

Guess I surprised a few people with a number of my previous entries.. Frankly, when I inserted this website in my icq details, I never thought anyone would actually notice.

Many things in life are just there, it merely depends on whether we choose to see it or not. Interestingly, some book I read this week had a part about humans not seeing supernatural things because they chose not to see it. Not that there's total truth to it, but somehow it brings to mind that humans often exercise their rights to pretend that something is non-existence. Or perhaps life is too fast pace for us to take our time to see and feel..

Nevertheless, people really do have different perceptions. A person whose husband, the sole breadwinner of the family, had just died whilst trying to save others. This woman now has to come out to work to support her 2 young children. Who would have thought that she would actually step forward to stop funds from flowing in, and to remind the public that there are others who need the money as well?

It's always so easy to say that this is what is correct. Yet, for all we know, once we are in her shoes, few of us would be able to muster that courage. Imagine. Two kids in primary school. As a mum, she would have wanted to the best for her kids. All the donations would have ensured that they would not have to suffer. Yet, after having agreed to halt the search for her husband in view of others safety, she is now doing something else that most of us would be incapable of doing.

Perhaps, like what WenHong and YanQing said, living a simple life is still the best of all.

True selfless-ness is when you readily give up something that will have a large detrimental effect on you. A level that I've not attained, and doubt I'll ever will.

In this respect, I salute Mr and Mrs Heng for their absolute selfless-ness.

Should teachers be allowed to use corporal punishments?

That godsis who made the police report, in my humblest opinion, must be a pai kia.. either that, or an awful teacher..

Most of us would have been hit on the palm with rulers etc by teachers, but did that do us any harm? I doubt so. In fact, most of us have turned out well..

So why the hooha over hitting the head of a girl who has gotten into trouble with the school 20 times? If the principal did not care about her, he would not have gotten worked up, trust me. The fewwhom I didn't bother to raise my voice at when they were awful, it just meant that I couldn't be bothered with them. People like Kok Sheng, whom I seem to be scolding every single lesson, it was just because I really dote on the students and want them to follow the right route. If every educator just focus on teaching school related subject and expel undesirable students (as quite a number of schools seem to be doing now), our students will be even worse off!

Which brings to mind, my teachers in CHIJ (Ponggol). Which other school actually emphasises the need for students to be polite to our school caretaker and cleaners? Come to think of it, we must have look real adorable when the entire class walks past the caretaker's room or the cleaners' room in the morning etc... Or, the times when we were scolded for being not polite/ bad manners etc.. for the entire lesson.. Few people would have heard of a class being sent back to class for not saying 'thank you' to the person holding the door for us..

And if one wants examples of corporal punishments, then hitting our palms for not memorising our sentences and meanings well enough for Chinese, not bringing our things should come well under that category. Yet, all of us knew that we deserved it. In fact, if my memory doesn't fail me, some of us even offered our rulers for the teachers to hit us. Dumb, but true.

Some ignorant parents may like to note that, as a result of the scoldings, punishments (some really innovative and bizarre ones, which they would have categorised them as humiliation, but it was, to us, just our fault) the batch of us became better gals, who know the importance of treating others, irregardless of their positions, with respect, know our school work better and interestingly, not to stamp our feet when walking.. (I'm sure all CHIJ (Ponggol) girls would understand why..)

To all my teachers and relief teachers from Pri 1/2 Faith, 3/4 Peace, 5/6 Love, 老师， 谢谢您!

Nothing in life is certain
Didn't intend for this space to be a real journal, but shall indulge myself once in a while and type about my day. Anyway, just to update, been on internship since the beginning of the week and interestingly, I didn't feel out of place or uncomfortable, at least not as bad as all previous occasions..

Keagan Kang
Somehow, that meeting was thought provoking. The things he said, all felt so real. Could almost feel what he had felt. Somehow though, my gut feeling says Adrian wasn't super impressed by those emotions. But seriously, the things that Keegan said, in a way, indirectly, became really good advice...

Ann's leaving Income
Got a surprised when I saw Irene's sms today. I mean, Ann had been saying she wanted to break bond and was telling me that I should since long time ago. When she's still there after 2 years, it just didn't cross my mind that she would really carry that out. But she did. And legal has once again produced another bond breaker. Guess their eyes are now fixed on me, to see if I would join my predecessors in their shoes.

In a way, after working at various places, I still can't help but agree with Ann that Vincent is the best manager one could have. Perhaps that's one plus point about working in Income, that is, if I do get to join legal instead of claims..

Had lunch with MS1 people today, actually, it felt more like legal lunch, cause I basically ignored the secretarial people and mdm han. Don't think they really realised it anyway. But it was fun. In fact, I was really hoping that we'll be in City Hall area through lunch, so that I could pop by Income. Didn't pop by, but at least got to meet up with everyone, especially Ann whose last day is tomorrow.

Often we make so many plans, but in the end, the route we choose may not be the one that we've set our sights on..

the lessons I learnt from the Nicoll Highway incident

1. Forget about the things we learnt in Moral Science. Being nice and good DOESN'T pay. Being selfish does. This means that if there ever is any disaster, RUN. never bother to turn back to save others. You'll only get yourself killed, and your fellow countrymen will can't be bothered to look for your body. You'll even have some head of the country telling your family "Aww.. it's sad.. but you should be glad that few people died" How wonderful.

2. Before this, Singapore was MY country, MY home. Now, it's but a place that I live in, the place which provides for me at the moment. As linked to the previous point, please do NOT expect me to protect Singapore from invaders. I do not want to be imprisoned as a POW or get killed by enemies, and then have my leaders telling the country, we shall NOT save her, because it'll be to the disadvantage of our country. We should forget her existence. Yupz, this is what I predict will happen.

3. Finally, used to believe that all Singapore stuff were great.. our Home Team, our defence. Now, I don't. I just know, our Home Team is damn 'efficient'... I don't expect them to save me if I were to get into any problems.. It's just ME and MYSELF that I can depend on... How lovely..

Finally.. the whole saga taught me one thing, that from now on, I'll be as selfish as possible, and also as emotionless as possible. That's the best way to ensure my survival, even if it's at the expense of others. It doesn't pay to help others, especially in Singapore.

Sad to conclude, I'm ashamed of my country..

There is NO such thing as a class from hell

My apologies for such a strongly worded title... Still worked up over what an ex-classmate said yesterday..

HATE those people who go round saying they're worried about how to deal with their students, cause they HEARD that one of their classes is from hell, and then contradict themselves by insisting that they are not pre-biased against the students even before starting.. Of course, there are others eg. C. Ong who goes round telling anyone who is willing to listen how the students are just pieces of shit... Was soo tempted to tell her, if your students are shit, then perhaps you are too.. Cause only shit teachers like you will produce students that you would want to call shit...

Isn't it interesting how adults LOVE to condemn people? Like YCSS teachers saying that their students are not well behaved when we went for our first mentoring sessions.. HSS teachers made their students sound like an awful bunch of kids etc.. What's wrong with our current system? Perhaps we need to SACK these teachers cause what they want is merely their pay and not to mould the future.. If there's one reason why I don't want to send kids to Singapore school, it's not because of the supposed stress, but more importantly, the standard of our teachers have dropped drastically..

Suddenly thought of the CVSS people, cause of what YZ said that pissed me off.. Bet he would label most of the classes unpleasantly, considering how much headache/voiceless afternoons i had to endure. Still, frankly, I won't consider them as horrid.. The things they do.. though irritating, but sometimes, they are cute in their way.. Not all bad students are truly bad.. what they want is merely attention.

Remember Kok Sheng running to 'capture' Robin for bullying another of their classmates and then bringing Robin to me? The time when Kar Hao 'threw a tantrum' and refused to get out when i wanted to send him out of the music room? Or the usually serious Chin Ray, waving to me across the other block, just at the very moment when i was feeling blue? Or Xiao Qiang and Weiquan scampering about my class? The time when Wenzhao wanted to help me get the Malay boys quiet, but in the end incurred their wrath and I had to protect him instead? The noise-making lessons of 2B, 2C.. Yiyu climbing chairs and getting scolded by me... or Yeow Kiat's perfect behaviour in MY class.. Or simply, witnessing Chee Siong and Nicholas changing from mischievous ones to studious students.. Weiming and Meng Wee sportingly performing their Zhao Cai Mao...

No doubt they did give me loads of headache... in fact, I always feel like fainting after Monday and Wed lessons.. Yet, I looked forward to these days too.. In fact, I really do miss those days, even if I had to scold, shout day in day out... They were really adorable.. really.. all of them.. They are the ones who could chase away my blues.. just the sight of them..

There's really no one awful student.. Just a lack of understanding and ability to communicate with the students..

I won't mind re-living those times again..

PS: In case you happen to chance upon this, YZ, this is just an official warning that you will be officially IGNORED until further notice... This is just a blatant note, in case you fail to detect others ie. my.. displeasure..

Character Traits of Guys that one should steer clear from

1. Gamblers. That includes those who bet a small amount each time. You'll never know what incorrect stuff they teach younger ones. The more easily influenced kids may even take the wrong path!

2. Guys that make gals cry. (Like what I usually say, though politically wrong, once a bad guy always a bad guy)

3. Suspicious guys. Well, unless you LOVE being restricted in everything you do, and then end up with no friends...

4. Petty/ Stingy. That pretty much ties in with the 1st point. Gamblers are USUALLY petty/stingy.

5. MCP. If you are going to throw away your money, the least you could do is NOT complain/verbally abuse your spouse and children for their ability to EARN MONEY (believe me, no one LOVES going out to work and having to withstand other people's tempers) In case you are wondering, your spouse and children ARE capable of earning their own money, paying for travelling expenses including yours. So if you want to shout the whole flat down to let the whole world know how capable they are, so be it! And don't go round blaming your spouse for not being able to control your spending habits when in the first place, you'll cause another explosion IF your spouse tries to do that..

6. Guys who borrow money from their other half, and better still, dare to still scold/shout at the gal with regards to that sum. (That's why i couldn't be bothered anymore when you refused to listen to my advice, J. Believe me, it's a recipe for disaster)

7. Loudspeakers cum parrots. Remember, get a guy who has a softer voice than you... then your ear drums won't burst.. and your headache won't be aggravated.

8. Those who LOVE non-living things more than living things. Those who are plain selfish, doesn't care even if the rest of the world is unwell/unhappy etc. All they think of is ME.. Me.. ME!

9. Suspicious. ALL humans are entitled to mix with others, including you. Having good friends doesn't mean they like others more than you. Not BARKING the whole place down doesn't mean they are talking behind your back, well, unless you think you deserve it..

10. Guys with family history of madness and have a perchant for vulgarities (basically includes everyone, not only to guys, I guess. From my experience, madness/craziness IS hereditary..)

Yupz.. that's basically all... for now.. Till I think of more, tata~

Disclaimer.. I mean Claimer w/o the Dis: In case anyone wonders, quit wondering, YES, it does have something to do with what happened, but don't worry, I'm fine.. albeit from having a temperature fluctuating between 37.1 and 37.2... severe headache... and other cold symptoms...

2 down, 1 to go!!

yupz, just like what the title says, Aviation and Insurance papers are over, just one more Copyright paper to go!

While most people are happy that the sem is coming to an end soon, once again, I feel a tinge of yi1 yi1 bu4 she3.. imagine I was actually going to drop Aviation during the 'fishing' period.. Luckily I didn't... the module is now ranked as my FAVOURITE module, and so is the lecturer.. (okiez, which brings my favourite tutors in school to 3 now!) Somehow, the tutors actually play a part in making me actually ENJOY my revision.. Nevertheless, old habits die hard.. My apologies for turning in rather trashing assignments, with the exception of Insurance, this sem (Greatest apologies to Prof Wei esp.. Somehow, just knew that my Copyright assignment was atrocious, even w/o checking my grades.. ) Which reminds me that I am still NOT going to check my grades YET...

(ok, this part might sound arrogant, but believe me, it's not meant to be) Now that i've only a year left in school, realised that i should have actually added slightly more effort to study, and make friends.. the study part esp.. afterall, like what my mum says, i'm actually quite smart, just plain lazy.. i mean, if i can garner a B for my 8 credit copyright just by studying HARD one day before my paper when i skipped about 80% of the lectures, i could have done decently in my 3 years in law school.. unlike now, when i've to think of how i should react in interviews.. (that is, if they grant me interviews in the first place) Sadly though, even though i know i can do ok by making a bit more effort, it's so much xin1 you3 yu2 and li4 bu4 zu2...

of course, the BEST part was, i almost didn't go for my aviation paper on Tues!! Kept having the FALSE impression that 13th = Wednesday, so much so that i cancelled today's tuition, so that i could study for my insurance paper the next day.. Thankfully, i had a weird feeling at 1am on 13th, and decided to check the date on my handphone.. Imagine my SHOCK when i realised it was the 13th!!!!!! Phew, I've 95% finished my aviation, thankfully and my Warsaw, Montreal 1999 Conventions.. The only lacking was glancing through my Rome Convention (thanks to the 1929 authors who did such a 'good; job that most countries refused to ratify or have already denounced it and so it's rendered almost not important) and my Chicago Convention (but the 5 freedoms are already imprinted in my brain) and the Tokyo (no thanks to Sept 11, this question came out and I'm pretty sure my answer went out of point) and Cape Town Convention.. Still, I hope i did justice to my love for the module... since i'm only pretty sure I did very well for the 1st question, but not so for the 2nd.. *keep fingers crossed that Prof Tan will give more weightage to the 1st paper..*

Still, thanks Tim, for trying to calm me down through sms-es.. else my adrenaline level would be even higher, resulting in a greater extent of insomia... =)

Nevertheless (realised i kept using nevertheless, further, however in my essays today.... time to use a thesaurus...) the adrenaline level was still high yesterday, considering that all focus seemed to be on my pet module even though like what Weiling pointed out, insurance is my 8-credit module, unlike aviation which only counts for 4-credit... Of course, not forgetting, I better get some decent grades to send to NTUC Income, can you imagine a potential future legal officer with a awful grade in insurance? And I won't dare to face Vincent Yeo.. yah? But i managed to revise through thoroughly (okiez.. it's in my opinion.. so according to Economides case, all i need is honest opinion with some basis for that opinion.. doesn't matter whether it's reckless or not)...

Which reminds me, I'm getting dumber these days.. To think I heard Prof Tan wrongly (hee... the microphone to be blamed.. there's something wrong with it... it's almost inaudible...) and thought that we started earlier and our paper would end 15 minutes earlier than stipulated. 90% finished my 1st question at 1015, panicked cause I realised I had only 1 hour left and so starting speeding up.. then 20minutes before the actual end of my paper, when I was 85%, some niggling thought made me check the whiteboard. True enough, we started the paper 5 minutes later than stipulated, so it's supposed to end 5 minutes later.. How 'smart' of me.....

Nevertheless, the paper was GOOD.. for the 1st time in 3 years, I actually finished my paper to my own satisfaction.. couldn't say i was totally satisfied given that i could have churned out an even more thorough paper, but it was still good.. Wonder if Prof Yeo had something against bungee jumping.. Haha.. her hypothetical was soo long and just as I've guessed (actually, it was obvious, otherwise there wouldn't be any claims and she can't set much of a question) there was to be a horrific accident.. Prof Poh's essay was nice and short... and as he said, was more seminar-friendly style.. Now, let's hope that I gather something ok for this to show Income...

Exams!
Here's my exam timetable... Better remember it.. To think I thought the afternoon paper starts at 2pm..

LLA4024 - Aviation Law and Policy Moot Court Seat 32 13/04/2004 9:00 AM
LLB4069 - Insurance Law Eusoff Hall Function Room Seat 99 14/04/2004 9:00 AM
LLA4100 - Topics in Copyright and Design Moot Court Seat 56 21/04/2004 1:00 PM


Sigh.. Topics in Copyright Assignment should be out.... don't dare to check, so I'm not checking..

Aviation Assignment is out too... just read Alan Tan's email... don't dare to check either..

Beginning to think that I've no guts to check all my personally-feel-not-so-well-done assignments..

I'm really sorry, Mr Yeo, but I really am not as good as you all think... Don't dare to go back to face you all... yet at the same time, it'll be good to have a job...

Here's a song that I love... I mean the lyrics especially... So apt...
If only I could get my hands on the cd.. sigh..


青春的故事
曲：Iskandar Ismail | 词：郑华娟

家里到课堂 永远迟到慌张 成绩单要往哪里藏
不要批评我的智商 有太多期望 想带着玩具 到处流浪

年轻的心中 有太多事不懂 努力 和全世界沟通
或许 随时让你脸红 快乐 是彼此容忍的心胸

美丽的恋曲 发生在漫画里 熬夜K 书 梦不到你
虽然我正值青春期 却很讲道理
约会就说要去补习 成长的难处 我们一起克服
埋怨 只教人更孤独 不管 梦想如何离谱
关心 是鼓励唯一的路途

别以为我不在乎 面无表情叫做酷
如果你还愿意 听我倾诉 温柔地 做我心灵守护

困难一起克服 埋怨 只教人更孤独
不管 梦想如何离谱 关心 是鼓励唯一的路途

成长的道路 通往勇敢国度

Time Changes Everything?
It's amazing how 10 years can cause a person to switch from one extreme to another..

This time 10 years ago, the Singapore soccer team was still playing in the Malaysia Premier League, and they had a fan in this girl who would following their matches fervently, yes, even more fervently than her schoolwork.

10 years later, the Singapore soccer team played against Japan. This time round, the girl had finally given up on the national team after being disappointed time and again over the 9 years. No longer did she jump for joy at seeing Indra scoring a goal against the stronger Japan team, or wince at the sight of the first goal scored by Takahara. Instead, things went in the reverse. Interestingly, the first 11 couldn't be considered to have changed greatly, considering that more than 10% (Nazri Nasir and Aide Iskandar)belonged to the team that she loved so much..

So why the change?

It is common for people to say that time heals wounds. Actually, time doesn't directly heal wounds. It's more of a change of perception, a change of angle at viewing a situation that makes people think that the wound has been healed.

10 years.. No doubt changes are bound to happen, yet some things never change.. a good match by the national team still continues to make the girl's day.. only that now, it no longer totally overrides her obligation to her schoolwork..

Unlike others who were surprised by the good performance of our national team and saw the glimmer of hope, I saw nothing surprising in their performance on Wednesday night. It is NORMAL for the Lions to outperform themselves when they're the underdogs, and 'out-disgrace' themselves when they're touted to win.

So until the national team proves that they are capable of unwavering grit and determination, the 1994 team will continue to live on as the girl's 'Dream Team'..


Disclaimer: This article is merely inspired by the Singapore-Japan match where Singapore was beaten 1-2. It does NOT reflect the author's mood in anyway. =)

Turning Back Time (Part II)

Let's see.. Stopped at 1st three months life yesterday..

As I was saying, I won't have changed my decision to to go to the same school.. The people I met there, some have left everlasting impressions.. impressions that still remain even after my forced-blocking of memory back in jc.. Doubt I'll have a senior anywhere else who would have reminded me to speak up.. To whoever you are, thanks a lot.. You know, you were the first and only person who actually told me that.. Thanks for being such an optimistic character... Though we don't really know each other, but some of the things you said were really of great wisdom.. Thanks for making a GREAT role model, and of course, thanks for the packet of biscuits when I was really down.. I was really really touched at that time..

Of course, there's one thing that needs changing too... like I've said before, I would have learnt to treasure my friends more... Lijia, I know you made a great friend, yet, I didn't really know how to treasure the friendship till years later...

NJC Life: Used to ask myself, would things have been very different had I followed that senior's advice and appealed to go into Arts stream instead.. Afterall, whatever that I'm studying now doesn't really require any Science knowledge either, right?

But, no.. I still love Biology, still love Physics... still love Science basically, even if my knowledge of them sux.. and no.. though there was a possibility that I could continue to indulge in the friendships I made there, but frankly, the friends I made at NJ... and the various memories... are things that I'll simply not exchange.. Even if I hated a number of things in NJ... cause all these memories and friends more than adequately made up for the unhappy stuff...

And if it weren't for my awful grades, I won't have enrolled into TMC in anticipation of doing awfully in A levels, and won't have known a bunch of people like Joanne, Jon, Itak, Darmaji, right? Was fun being the top in the class almost all the time, and doing crazy stuff with Joanne and Grace, even if Grace pissed me off quite a bit towards the end. But, Itak and Darmaji, thanks for being really great korkors.. thanks for cheering me up when I was down, and giving me loads of encouragement, then and now... though I wonder how's Darmaji doing now.. Hey, what on earth happened to you? You disappeared!?! Still, really miss the late night chats/sms-es...

BUT of course, one never learns to appreciate things until they're not present.. Ever notice that the one thing that I regret most throughout the various stages in life is not treasuring people?

Turning Back Time

Wasn't kidding when I sms-ed that as my wish when the DJ asked listeners to call in with their wishes..

When young, time seemed to pass slowly, especially during the holidays, so much so that I'll even end up dreaming about school. Yet now, time seemed to slip away from my hands and only when it's out of my reach do i attempt to grasp it to no avail..

If I were to turn back time, what would I change?

Primary School Life: Would I want to work harder and be less of a die-hard fan of our Lions in the M'sia Cup? Probably if I had worked even harder, I might have gotten higher grades.. Then again, probably not. In any case, I'll never trade my beautiful memories for better grades. Remember the goal that Man Hon scored against Kedah, that I didn't get to see? Or Steven Tan's superb goal that allowed us to beat Pahang at the very last moment? The time when Tong Hai marked John Hunter perfectly, and John Hunter broke down after losing the match? Or that Brunei's goalkeeper, Ian Gray's rice bowl hair-style? With approximately 2 matches per week, there was always something to look forward to..

Of course, how could I ever forget our name calling? With Miss Wong out of the class for a moment, leaving us to do our umpteenth test, across the class conversations like "Ehz, Saswa, how to do question 19?" Or the mere mention of the number 15 or 8 would make Winnie and I turn to each other instinctively.. Or even better still, Mdm Kok standing outside Miss Wong's class, saying "tong xue men, xie zhuo wen shi qing bu yao yong ou xiang de ming zi, ru guo fu cheng, lin dong hai.. " And who could forget Winnie shouting over the fence "Hello Tong Hai!"

Nope, I'll never want to change that...


Secondary School Life: Perhaps if I really needed to change, it'll definitely start with my secondary school life. For one thing, I would have been more conscientious about my work, I guess.. Without proper foundation, the whole of sec sch plus jc studying life was tough..

Friends wise, I would learn to treasure them too.. Realised that Yanxiang and I stopped keeping in contact by the time we got to sec 2.. and it was only in sec 4 when she had an accident that I saw her again.. and by then, we were really very much like strangers.. Perhaps we weren't really that that close in primary school too.. Insensitive me never realise that many of the stuff that Yanxiang did seemed to be accomodating me.. Her interest in soccer in pri 6 was mainly due to me too.. Still remember once I forgot to do Mdm Kok's homework, and was totally freaked out.. Yanxiang offerred me her hw during Miss Wong's class, and kept helping me keep a look out.. Yanxiang, even though we aren't that good friends anymore, I'm really really thankful to have had you as my closest friend in class, allowing us to call you "Man Hon", showing an interest in whatever I was interested in, and basically giving in to me.. Thank you for being a really great friend.. really.. and I really do miss the times when we had so much to say...

1st 3 months life: On hindsight, would I have chosen RJC again if I knew I would end up in NJC later on and suffer much heartbreak due to the uprooting? Perhaps if I had gone to NJ right at the beginning, I would have continued to be a happy person, who would not be soo depressed and give up on herself, which led to my dismal grades throughout the 2 years..

BUT, the only thing I would have chosen to do if I could turn back time is to not forcibly block out the entire 3 months worth of memory.. Come to think of it, those were beautiful times too.. and my forced forgettery only served to leave a huge vacuum in my life now (yes.. interestingly, I really can't remember 95% of the things that happened already.. )

Yet, if I had not gone to RJ, I wouldn't have known all the interesting personalities there.. Derrick, HRM, IL, Lijia.. My closest friend throughout the entire jc life, and the person i trusted most then, was from RJ... Without that friend's neverending encouragement, I won't have reached where I am today.. Thanks for your various treats in order to entice me to do better.. and the letter-writings during A levels.. You know, when you didn't do that well, and felt upset that you couldn't get into the faculty that you wanted to go to, I felt upset and totally guilty too.. If only i hadn't bother you during the exams.. if only my 'good luck' had worked as well as yours did.. Perhaps if I could turn back time, and had magically powers, I would have gladly exchanged my 'A's for your 'B's.. in that way, you would be able to get into med fac, and fulfilled your childhood dream, right? perhaps you would have become a more confident you, instead of the doubtful you that you are now.. Perhaps I would not have felt totally hurt at the words you uttered that showed clearly your discontentment at me being in this fac now.. Perhaps I would then not have doubted whether you were truly a friend, since someone else told me that a friend would NEVER want his/her friend to do worse.. Perhaps it's cause of all the things that have transpired, that I really truly want to know if i was a good friend to you, or merely another person who's lousy grades boost your ego, and one whom you'll feel less inferior to..

Changes

"Once you are old, you no longer have the liberty to say you don't know how to do things. Nor can you blame youthfulness for your faults. Children want to grow up quickly, yet adults want to slow down ageing. People seem to prefer the state they are NOT in."

How true. And that coming from a DJ whom I've detested since young. Happened to be station-hopping as usual. Quite unlike her to say such brainful stuff. But yes, she did, on her very last day of being on air.

Actually, she wasn't the only one whose voice I'll no longer chance upon the air waves. The other DJ who is leaving that station happened to be one of the rare ones whom I actually enjoyed listening to. Now, I doubt I'll ever tune in to that station, well, unless the songs elsewhere are really awful, and I don't have the luxury of having my CDs with me. But truth be said, I'll miss that familiar voice.

There are 3 types of people on earth - those who love changes, those who hate them, and those who are neutral. Unfortunately, I belong to 2nd group. The ones who become too emotionally attached to their surroundings.

Throughout our lives, all of us have to face numerous changes, some big, some small. Schools, friends, living environment or even our own belongings. Each of these has seen our smiles, tears and laughters. In primary school, we believe that there's such a thing called 'forever', then in secondary school, we continue to cross our fingers in hope that 'forever' does exist. But, slowly, the understanding that 'forever' is just like the fairy tales that we've heard when we were younger begins to sink in gradually. Sometimes, it's time to let go, yet some of us still can't bear to do so. Or worse, we realised that we've never cherished whatever we had until we've lost it, and then we begin to regret.

Makes one wonder if we gain or lose more during this growing up process.